Something Familiar
by MadiD
Summary: This is basically Emily Lake's story with a twist. **(Summary add on) Myka is now a main character.
1. Rehabilitation

**This does not take place in the same universe as my other series. Which by the way I have not abandoned, I'm just taking a break.**

_Chapter 1- Rehabilitation _

* * *

The first thing I see is a man. I don't know him, but one look in his eyes and I can tell he knows me.

"Who are you?" I ask. Somethings wrong my voice isn't... mine , and what's worse I can't pin point whats different.

"I'm Mr. Kosan" he's reaching for a strange coin resting in my hand. _I don't remember picking that up_. "You had a terrible accident and you lost your memory. But I'm going to help you get it back."

He's acting sincere but I don't believe him. The smile he offers is fake, which makes me believe his words are too. Then again he's also right I can't remember anything, and he says he can help. So I mumble a thank you, cross my arms over my chest.

**The first thing I learn about myself is I'm not the trusting type.**

Mr. Kosan nods and stands up, gesturing for me to do the same. Without a word he leads me out the door.

The hallway has an eerie feel to it. You'd think a recovery center would seem... inviting but this place feels more like a prison. Nothing hangs on the white walls, and there's no movement or noise coming from the closed doors we pass. All it needs is flickering lights and creaking floorboards and ill be in a horror movie.

**The second thing I learn about myself is, when faced with danger, I have fight reflex.**

He stops at a door,that looks like all the others, and opens it. "This is your room for now" he says. I step in and mumble another thank you. "Your first session will be at 9:00 tomorrow morning." and with that he leaves making a point to close the door behind him, something tells me I'm not supposed to open it again.

Letting out a huff I turn to take in the room. There are no windows so the only source of light is a small fixture similar to the ones in the hall, but with one difference... this one is ficklering. _Great_. In the left corner of the room is a bed the same color as the walls. I take a few steps towards it and run my hand over the comforter, it's surprisingly soft. Across from the bed, on the right wall, is a desk. A grin breaks out on my face and I find myself moving to sit in the chair. As I reach to open a drawer a question comes to mind, what wonderful memories had been made sitting at desk, that the mere sight of one gives me joy? Was I an artist, or a writer. Nether sounds familiar. Back to the drawers, there's nothing in them, no paper, no pencils or pens, nothing. Now I'm frustrated, standing up I head for the only other thing in the room, the closet. Surprise Surprise, its empty too, I'll be honest I was at least expecting a guy with chainsaw to pop out.

I know They planned this. I have no memories, I don't know who I am, and this void of nothingness is the first place I get to call home.

Soon I'm laying between the blank sheets, searching my mind for anything. It gets me nowhere, I can't even think of my own name.

**The third thing I learn about myself is I can't stand being vulnerable.**

* * *

The psychologist never gives her name, but I've learned to accept that over the couple months I've been here.

She's given me the basics, I grew up in Omaha, I have no living relatives, I'm a teacher, I have a cat named Dickens and so on and so forth. She's says I lived a simple life, but that only makes me trust Them less. The scars I've found tell me my life was anything but simple.

She likes to say that over time I'll began to remember, that right now she's just urging my brain along. But she's not helping me remember who I am, she's just trying to teach me how to be someone else. Unfortunately, I'm in no place to argue with becauseI have no correct memories to compare their false ones to.

That was until they gave me books. I know literature was a part of my life before. The more I read, the more desperate I become to find a life that feels as right as the written word.

* * *

It was silly of me to think that once I was rehabilitated I'd have some freedom.

They got me a job, took me to my apartment, and said they'd be checking in on me every once and awhile. Which really meant, "Here's the life we made up for you, we don't really care wether or not you love it, as long as do as your told and run everything you do by us first... Oh and by the way were watching you."

They also said walking through my apartment should triggered something, that the pictures on the walls would unlock some distant memory. That just the feel of the place would bring a sting of remembrance...They should have tried harder - the cat didn't recognize me.

**The third thing I learn about myself, after spending a little time with Dickens, is I'm not a cat person.**

For now all I can do is try and live the lie. Emily Lake, Emily Lake, Emily Lake... Im going to say it till it sticks.

* * *

_Don't worry I gets better at least I think it does. __Also sorry about all the grammar mistakes._

**Please tell me what you think!**


	2. The First Day of School

_Chapter 2- The First Day of School_

* * *

It's my first day, the students are seated, and I know what I'm teaching. But as I look at this first period class juniors, fear begans to creep in. I could really mess this up, I could tell them the wrong thing or...or forget to tell them something important...

No. No weakness, I'm too vulnerable as it is. I take a deep breath, swallow my concerns and do what I've been told I do best, I teach.

Somehow the lesson begans to flow. I talk to them about the author, and why he wrote what he wrote. I teach them what the story itself means, what it represents, and how it's affected society. I don't stumble over my words, and I'm confident in what I'm saying. And why wouldn't I be, when someone gives you a life of lies you have to find some truth and hold onto it, for me literature is truth.

Half the students aren't even paying attention, their eyes are glazed over. They don't understand the importance of what I'm teaching, or how these writers have affected their lives. But that's a problem for another day because now the bell is ringing and students are sighing in relief as they scurry to their next class.

Five minutes later there's another group of students and a whole other story to tell.

**The fourth thing I learn about myself is, I really dont mind teaching.**

Each class acts the same, at least they have so far why should 5th period be any diffrent.

Seats are being filled one by one and each teenager is talking a million miles a minute about silly things that won't matter in a day or two. There are pens and pieces of paper flying around. Its the regular chaos. Then she walks in and honestly I cant think about anything else. All I can see at first is the curly black hair, and fair skin. Her face is tilted towards the room, searching for a desk. _What's diffrent about her?_ Now she's heading for that seat no other student dared to sit in. The one right in front of my desk - front and center. _Who is she?_ She slides into the chair, sets her books on the desk and looks up... strait at me, with dark brown eyes and a radiant, wide smile on her face. _Why doesn't this creep me out? _

_Why am I staring back!?_

I probably need to look away and wipe this silly grin of my face, but I can't and now I cant even think of why I'd want to. _She'll look away in a minute.._. A minute goes by and she hasn't looked away. _Things **should** feel awkward at this point...right?_

_Go say hello! _my inner voice says.

Then that bell rings signaling the beginning of class. _Danget. _I stand and manage to pull my eyes away from hers. My grin doesn't fade though, and I don't think it ever will.

I go take roll first as usual. Im not doing it just so I can learn her name, no I really do need to know who's present and who's absent she just happens to be on the list of I people I need to know about...

"Caroline Allen" a girl on the right side of the room says here._ Well that's not her._

"Grant Anderson" a boy on the left side on the class says here. _That's a boy._

"Callie Baker" a girl in the center._ Not her._

"Sandy Carter" another girl on the right. _Not her ether._

"Chrissy Charles" the girl sitting front and center says here. _Finally._

I called out the rest of the names but I couldn't tell you what those names were or who they belong to.

Now I can teach the same way I have all day with words that flow with ease. Ok I will admit I did ask more questions this class period. And it wasn't just because I wanted Chrissy's face to break out in that smile and see her hand shot up ready to give the perfect answer. No I asked more questions because... because its good for the students to interact with the lesson, it keeps them from falling asleep.

30 minutes pass, the bell rings and Chrissy stands to leave... And yes you guessed it I don't want her to go. But I can't ask her to stay she has other classes to go to. So I let her walk out of my room, and try to smile, then I offer a little wave that probably looked desperate.

**The fifth thing I learn about myself is might I have attachment issues.**

* * *

_Sorry about all the mistakes I didn't catch._

_Hope you enjoyed it anyway!:)_


	3. Visitors

_Chapter 3_

* * *

3 weeks in to the school year and the same thing has happened day after day... after day. I teach, grade papers, take extra time to smile at Chrissy, then I go home, feed the cat, read, go to bed and prepare myself to do it all over again.

But there's a universal law stating "Change is inevitable", and if there isn't there should be because that's what happened today.

5th period just ended, and as usual I'm watching Chrissy gather her things, waiting for her to walk out of my room, hoping nobody sees me staring at her. When all of a sudden shes turning around..._Remain calm she probably just forget something...Never mind she's looking straight at me. _My brain stops processing for a moment. She's walking towards me.

"Ms. Lake?" She stops at my desk hesitantly.

_She's nervous - something we have in common_. "What can I do for you?" I ask, still struggling to gain my composure.

"I was wondering if you had time after school to clarify a few points discussed in class today, I found the lesson a bit confusing." She says without taking time to breath.

I'm at a loss for words. She doesn't need any help, she did wonderful today and we both know it.

She's running her hand through her hair. "But...umm- if today's not good for you I could come back tomorrow or- or not at all if you don't have time..." There's something in her eyes pleading with me to say yes...

So, I do as she wants. "Yes!- Absolutely yes, I would love to help." _Was that too enthusiastic?_

A wide grin breaks out across her face, which guaranties the same is happening to me.

"Well Chrissy, I will see you after school" I'm standing now trying not to scream and jump up and down.

She nods, "Yes you will" and heads for her next class. Leaving me to somehow make it through three more periods.

* * *

The last bell of the day rings and I'm frantically tapping my pen against the stack of reports I still haven't read.

As soon as she comes in, she suggests, with that same hesitant tone, that she pull up a desk. I say "Yes of course" _W__hy didn't I think of that! _Then she sets her books down and gets right to business. "Business" being asking questions she already knows the answers to...-of course I answer them anyway.

Five minutes in and already the conversation has shifted. Mainly because I'm not nervous anymore and nether is she.

Yes, we've been discussing books and I'm happy to say she understands them in the same way I do. And it's not the "Oh I'm an A student, that means I get it" kind of thing. She like really **really** understands the written word plus what's more she loves it to. And somehow I knew she would.

That girl could have talked for hours, and I wouldn't have cared. The way she lights up when she's telling a story is priceless And the more she spoke the more I began to think literature may not be my only truth.

* * *

Mr. Kosan, or someone from his "group", drop in at least once every week. I'll come home from work and find one sitting on the couch, or out on the porch, wherever they please. The first time it happened I was silly enough to ask how he got in. All he had done was ignored the question completely, told me to sit down, and then started asking **me** questions About how I'm doing.

I don't know why their acting like they care.

Anyway, if they have to be here I figured might as well try to get some answers, it's easier than fighting them at every turn.

I even made a list, "Things to ask my 'rescuers'" and today I have my 3rd opportunity to use it.

"Have I ever been interested in science?"

"Why do you ask?" That wasn't an answer, S_aw that coming_.

"It just seemed like an interesting subject is all" I explain nonchalantly, as I lean back a little in the seat.

"No, you have never been interested in science."

Then I ask him about writing, inventing, martial arts and some other things Chrissy and I have talked about.

His face hardened and his fists tightened with every question and when he was finished saying no he stood up. "You have never and will never have any interest in any of these things. Is that understood?"

Then he simply left (stormed out) without even waiting for a response.

I'm disappointed but like I said, not surprised. I knew he was going to lie again. After all I'm Emily Lake, the do as she's told English teacher and no matter how hard I try they are going to have the upper hand. They know the lie and the truth. All I know is the lie.

Then again I know this life that their trying to pass of as truth is a lie and they don't know I know that so maybe I do have some advantage...

**The next I learn about myself is I always have a large amount of confidence.**

* * *

_I love feedback so please tell me what you think:)_

_And thank you to those who have!_


	4. Ice cream

Chapter 4

* * *

Today has been marked on my calendar since the start of the school year, but somehow it still snuck up on me. The floors are going to be cleaned at twelve which means it's a half day, nobody is allowed to be in the building.

It's only one afternoon, I could have survived not spending it with her but I didn't want too. So I took a risk...I asked if she wanted to go get some ice cream.

I hadn't even finished my question before she was saying "Yes, most defiantly."

She has come to my room everyday after school for a month, but now we wont be at the school so we can't use the "Teacher helping student with homework" excuse. And now I know she's ok with that.

After already grabbing my purse and heading for the door I remember something, _Oh_ _daren't_ "You need to ask a parent first-" I begin turning around._ How did I forget that?_

Again I didn't even get to finnish my sentence."No, it's alright- my uncle won't mind" she says quickly, her smile never wavering._ Good enough for me._

* * *

When we walked Chrissy's eyes went wide and her jaw dropped. She acted like she had never seen the inside of an ice cream shop before. I ignored it though because it really doesn't matter, she's probably just from a health-nut family. Anyway she ordered strawberry, I ordered vanilla and we sat in one of those cliché red booths.

"So you live with your uncle?" I ask taking a bite.

She nods "Yes, Uncle Charles I've lived with him for around two years now" she grins. "He's a very...**free** spirit. 'I go through life ignoring the bad and living for the good, Chrissy'" she quotes.

"He's sounds wonderful."

"Yes, he is" she agrees "And ummm-" she frowns and casts her face down at her ice cream "And my parents...my parents are-" she's choking on her words.

"Chrissy you don't have to-" I try to stop her, I can't bear to see her upset.

"No, no it's alright" She waves it off and takes a deep breath. "I don't know who my father is first off and my mother is... Well my mother is extraordinary," she smiles "she raised me until I was 8 and then we were separated" she frowns again "... I'm likely never to see her again." Quickly she rubs her eye to keep a tear from falling.

Before I know it I'm reaching my hand across the table to lay it on top on hers. "I'm so sorry Chrissy."

She doesn't move away, "And whats worse, even if I had the opportunity, I don't think I could face her..." she doesn't bother wiping away the next two tears sliding down her cheeks.

"Why?"_ I shouldn't have said that._

"I umm-" she furrows her brow and clears her throat, still not looking up, "I caused her unimaginable pain...she would never forgive me"

She has such a perfect mask, nobody would have guessed she was carrying this amount of pain. "Your her daughter- whatever happened, whatever you did, she will forgive you-"

"You don't understand" she shook her head.

She's letting down her walls, and allowing emotions to control her words and actions. That is something she does not do, but she has decided to around me. So I might as well give her the same curtsey.

I move my free hand to her face, tilt her chin up so I can look her in the eyes and then, taking a deep breath, I tell her the truth, "Chrissy Charles...- you are the sweetest, bravest, most compassionate, young woman I have ever had the pleasure of meeting, not to mention intelligent and beautiful... I have no doubt your mother loves you more than anything in the world and if circumstances were different I'm positive she would be spending every minute of everyday with you, because Chrissy **you** are extraordinary"

I shouldn't have been able to say that with so much certainty. I shouldn't know with all my heart that what I said is the true. But I did and I do, and nothing will ever change that.

I was too caught up in my thoughts, till now, to notice the smile that had spread across her face. It was different from the ones id seen in the past... Usually she could control it, like when a student made a joke during class, or when I told her how well she did on an assignment. But this smile, she couldn't have stopped if she tried.

Shes turning her hand a little to grasp mine, "You don't realize how much that means to me, coming from you" she whispers. "Thank you"

"Any time" I reply softly.

Her smile grows wider and she squeezes my hand one last time before letting go.

She leans back in her seat and stares at me for a moment."You would like her"she says.

_Wait, what were we talking about?_ I can't even remember... "Who?"_  
_

"My Mother" she laughs, politely, at my confusion.

It hits me like a bus - _She's someone else's... She has an uncle, who she adores, and a mother she loves more than anything...__Maybe this should stop, Maybe I should stop, this isn't right...I'm her teacher, my purpose is simply to help her pass the 9th grade- not to- not to...to do **this**. What-Why in the world I'm doing this anyway?_

Her smile is fading now as she cocks her head to the side, "What's wrong?"

That's all it took, two words from her. _I know why_. "Nothing" I grin and squeeze her hand. "Nothing at all"

She smiles again and nods, then takes a bite of her ice cream.

_She's not mine, She's not mine, She's not mine, She not mine... _I can't get it out of my head...

**I have a confession-** **I'm**** jealous of Chrissy Charles mother.**

* * *

_Hope you're enjoying the story so far!:) And s__orry about all the grammar mistakes:(_


	5. The Change

_Chapter 5_

* * *

Chrissy's house was apparently close to the ice cream shop because she walked home. I, of course, offered to drive her but she was very adamant. I didn't think much about it though, she probably just likes taking walks.

So now I'm home, and guess who's here... Yes it's **Them**. Thankfully, it's the nice one because I'm in a really good mood right now and I'd hate for it to be ruined by Mr. Kosan.

"Hello Emily"

"Hello Jane" I say closing the door.

Her hands are clasped together, "I'm sorry for just dropping in, I realize what an inconvenience it can be"

I raise my eyebrows, they've never apologized before. _How did this nice lady get involved with those people? _"Yes well, I wouldn't mind a little warning next time"

"Im sorry but it's the way we work" she apologizes cryptically.

"Right..." I roll my eyes and set my purse down with a huff. "Tea?" _No reason not to be civil._

"Yes, that would be lovely" She says following me to the kitchen.

* * *

After the tea was made and the glasses were poured we went to sit down in the living room.

"Where were you this afternoon?"she asks "We were told it was a half day at the school."

_I have no privacy!- Take a deep breath,_ _let the anger go._ "Just getting some ice cream" I say lightly.

She sets her cup down "I see... With who?"

They have mentioned every person in my life up to this point, every neighbor, every fellow staff member, every student, even that weird grocer kid down at the super market. They've mentioned everyone...everyone except Chrissy. Which doesn't make any sense considering I spend all my time with her. I don't know how she's managed to stay out of their scope, while I can't even buy cereal without them knowing. Who cares- I like it this way, Chrissy is apart of **my** life, not theirs.

"With nobody" I say, lying with ease."just me and my thoughts."

She believes me and now it's my turn to ask a question.

My overly confident self is kicking in."Do you have children?"

She pauses first but answers, "Yes, I have a son and a daughter"

I take a sip of tea, trying to think of how to ask this question "Have I ever had children?"

She freezes-rephrase-She guilty freezes. _Ok, I wasn't expecting that. Why is she not responding? _

_Oh my gosh... _"Jane?" I try to keep my voice even.

"Have I. ever had. children?" I say again slowly, setting down my cup.

She says it so softly I almost missed it. "No"

I sit up a little,"What?"

"No, you have never had children" she says more firmly, but still not one hundred percent believable.

_Lies. _I shake my head and stand up._  
_

"Emily?"

I walk a towards the center of the room.

"Emily?" She tries again.

I turn around to face her, ignoring the tears in my eyes. "Why?"

"Why what?" She asks.

I shake my head again and grasp at my neck. _Something should be there.._. She notices the action and I think it scares her... Anyway, back to the problem at hand. "Why do you people keep lying to me! About everything! No matter what I ask- you all **lie** over and **over** again!"

"Lets just sit back down-" she reaches out, but I step away.

The tears are falling now. I know I sound crazy but I continue anyway, "Please just tell me **why**!"

"I don't know what you're talking about-"

"Oh save it!" I yell.

"Emily-"

"Stop calling me that!- and tell me the truth, Who am I?"

Now she's standing up, just as frazzled as I am."You are Emily. Hannah. Lake."

I shake my head again."What did I do to make you people hate me so much?" I ask no longer shouting "Just tell me, please"

"You don't want to know" she says. Her face is set.

"But-" I try.

"Emily. **Trust me** - you don't want to know." I never seen anyone so... terrified.

I'm still grasping at my neck,_ I need something there..._

She turns to leave. I don't stop her, I don't ask anymore questions. _Great. I feel more lost than ever._

_That was fear in her face, fear and pain and sadness..._

_I don't think I want to know anymore...I don't want to know what I did-I don't want to know what I could to cause so much trouble for those people- whatever it was I don't want to be burdened by it._

I'm changing my perspective. This may not be my old life, but it's a simple, normal life that I understand, a life free of the kind of pain I saw on Jane's face. And most important, a life with Chrissy in it. Thats is enough for me.

So, I've made a decision.

**I'm going to become ****Emily Lake.**


	6. Covering the Basics

Chapter 6

* * *

I'll admit being Emily Lake is easier than I thought. Mainly because Emily can have an opinion without wondering whether its hers or someone else's. Also, Emily doesn't have to be constantly questioning her every move, everything she does is **Emily**. She can just go through her days smooth and care free... Ok not exactly "care free", remember, she's still a high school teacher...- I'm... I meant I'm...I'm still a high school teacher. Ok I'll also admit I need to work on talking about myself in the 3rd person._  
_

I'm changing the subject...

Friday is my favorite day of the week. Not because it means the weekend or no school, but because it's the only day Chrissy doesn't have a set time to be home.

Now **why, **heruncle didn't give his 14-year-old niece a curfew is beyond me. Something I've learned is not to question Uncle Charles, no matter how insane the idea is (and trust me there **all** insane).

Anyway back to Fridays. Which is actually what today is so back to the here and now.

"You know who we haven't discussed yet?" I say looking up from the paper I'm grading.

"Who?" She asks setting her pen down.

"H.G Wells"

She goes back to her homework, "No I suppose we haven't" her normal, cheery tone is gone.

"Do you not like his works?" I ask surprised, we usually agree on these kind of things.

"No, no I love his novels" she says quickly."It's just... They remind me of my mom..."

"Is she a fan?"

Chrissy smiles and looks back up at me "You could say that."

"Well then, that's something we have in common, I find H.G Wells' books fascinating."

Then she does something I wasn't excepting, she laughs.

"What?..Its not funny, He was an amazing writer" I defend. Saying that makes her laugh harder. _What on earth?_

"It's not that" she manages.

"What's so funny then?" I demand.

"It's nothing" she bites her lip to keep from giggling more._I love hearing her laugh._

"Alright then don't tell me" I huff playfully.

She just shakes her head and goes back to her homework.

"Ms. Lake?" someone says stepping into my room.

I turn my head to the door to see Jessica, a math teacher from down the hall. _How long was she standing there?_

"Yes?"

She walks farther into the room to stand next to my desk. She looks past me for a minute "Hello Chrissy"

"Hello Ms. Taylor"

"Would you mind giving your mom and I a moment please?"

"She's not-" "I'm not-" we begin at the same time.

"Chrissy's not my daughter" I say.

Jessica's eyes go wide and she looks back and forth from me to Chrissy. "Are you sure?"

Out of the corner of my eye I see Chrissy's jaw drop, she's thinking the same thing I am. _Did she really just ask that?_ "I'm sure..."

"Ok well- Chrissy, will you please give and I a moment?" She asks.

"Yes ma'am" As she's walking out she turns around and silently says _"Good luck with the crazy" _to me.

I glare back at her _"Just keep walking"_

Once Jessica sees she's gone she speaks, "Im sorry, you two just look a lot alike and you spend so much time with her, I just assumed..."

"It's alright, really...What do you need to see me about?"

We ended up talking about a couple of our rowdy students and how to handle them...you know trading tips. Then, finally, after around ten minutes she left and Chrissy came back in.

"You should know, she apologized" I say immediately.

Chrissy's mom is a sensitive topic (if you hadn't already noticed). I know she misses her more than anything, and that she would do anything to have her back. So it's only natural that she tenses up at the mere mention of moms.

"It's alright" she replies just as quickly. "I can understand the confusion"

"You can?" _Wasn't expecting that._

"Well yes, I spend almost every minute of everyday with you, I don't think anyone would believe our relationship was strictly teacher, student- which it's not" she adds "The most logical explanation is mother-daughter... "

My breath catches in my throat. _Am I_ _hearing things? _"What would you say we are?" I ask.

"Pardon" she pauses.

"I uhhh...never mind" I say picking up my pen.

"No wait-" she says urgently "I just didn't understand the question?" She moves to stand in front of my desk. "Please tell me."

"I was just- If were not teacher and student...what are we?" _Why did I ask that!_

Chrissy bites her lip,"I would say...- Well I think of you as a mother..."

My eyes go wide and I literally stop breathing.

"A mother figure that is" she corrects, running a hand thorough her hair.

_Say something! _"And I think of you as a daughter- figure" I reply, grasping at my neck. _I still don't know what's supposed to be there._

Her face lights up with the most joyous expression I have every seen. "Really?"

I simply nod.

And before I know it she's running to my side of the desk and throwing her arms around me.

"Oh!" I don't hesitate to return hug with the same amount of force. _God this girl is amazing._ "I'm glad we've got that settled."

She squeezes tighter and nods, "Me too"

* * *

_Sorry this chapter was kind of bad... Don't worry though, The next one should be better:)_


	7. Halloween

The school is having a Halloween party... and unfortunately all staff members attendance is mandatory.

I do great in big groups- apparently I'm very charming, or so I've been told multiple colleagues- but despite this quality, being around a bunch people irks me. I have been trying to ignore the feeling, because Emily Lake is extremely social- I'm extremely social.

My old self, however, did not enjoy parties. Something about social gatherings made her skin crawl.

But I'm not her, I'm Emily Lake and I'm determined to enjoy this Halloween... thing. Because it's not in mine or Emily's nature to go down without a fight.

* * *

I may not have been to many Halloween events, at least not that i remember, but i do know they went all out for this. They have fog, strobe lights, music, crazy foods, those giant decorated fake walls- the whole shebang. And that not even including these kids costumes, I've seen them dressed as everything from vampires to coke cans. If they were this creative during class...

"How long have you been standing here?" Chrissy asks, coming up to stand on my right.

I turn my head quickly to glance at the refreshment table next to me. _How long **have** I been standing here?_

"No idea" I say.

Chrissy's costume, as expected, is phenomenal. First off she has on a beautiful, light pink, nineteenth century dress, then her hair is pinned up in an old timey fashion matching the era of her outfit perfectly. I finnish my once over and smile "Victorian girl- very nice"

She curtseys and says with a British accent, "Why, thank you madam."

I laugh, "And your accent sounds very authentic."

"I practiced" she grins, before reaching behind me to pour some fruit punch. She hands me a cup, "Your costume looks great by the way."

I shake my head, remembering how hard it was to think of something to wear. I ended up going with a scarecrow, stupid I know- but hey this **is** my first Halloween.

We talk for a while before I tell Chrissy to go mingle. She rolls her eyes at the suggestion and mumbles something about being a loner. Then I make it clear that it's not up for debate and she goes towards a group of students her age.

Soon after she leaves some other teachers start walking towards me, _Here we go. _I almost head after Chrissy, but I've been trying to be more social. So I stay put and let Jessica, Susan (science teacher), and Taylor (a fellow English teacher) approach me.

Taylor is the first to greet me, "Emily, How are you enjoying the party?"

"It's been great" I say. "The committee did a wonderful job Susan" I add, remembering she overlooks the student decoration team.

"They work hard." She agrees.

I don't have anything else to say and I'm pretty sure they don't ether... Well actually I do have a couple of things I could ask but that would lead to us having an actual conversation and I'm not there yet, this whole social thing is a process ok... And here comes the expected, awkward silence.

I turn my head from the awkwardness to glance around the room. _Of course the first thing I see is Chrissy._ She's standing with a group girls in the same situation I'm in.

I catch her gaze and wave, and she just gives me the_ "This is what we get for being 'social'" _look.

_"Be quite"_ I glare back.

She rolls her eyes, _"Yes ma'am"_

_"Now get back to your conversation"_

_"Do I have too?" _She whines.

_"Yes"_

_"Fine."_ She turns back to the group.

With a quick satisfied nod, I do the same. But instead of talking amongst themselves, I find them staring at me._  
_

"So what's the story?" Taylor asks.

"I'm sorry?"

"You and Chrissy Charles, are you her aunt or something"

"No" I say.

"Your cousin's daughter?" Susan tries.

"No were friends"_  
_

"Friends?" Taylor repeats not believing me.

"Told you" Jessica whispers.

"Yes- friends"_, _I say again_. It does sound weird now that I'm saying it aloud..._

"Are you positive?" _Oh my goodness. _

What is it with these people! Would I really lie about something like that? I'm not having this conversation again, I already went through this with Jessica. "I'm positive, were not related- just friends"

"Her only friend" Susan mutters.

I open my mouth to comment on the statement when, out of know where, there's an ear-piercing scream from across the room. "Ghost!" We all immediately turn our heads towards the sound.

"What on earth" I mumble.

"Is this apart of the party?" Taylor asks Susan.

"Not that I know of" she says straining her neck for a better look.

"You think the students went rogue?" Jessica asks squinting her eyes to see through the flashing lights.

I barely hear what they say next and soon their voices fade all together. The music is getting louder, fog is starting to fill the room making it impossible to see anything but shapes and flurries of movement, and, just to add to the madness, tables are being flipped over, splattering themed foods across the floor.

** Everyone** is yelling now, so I, as a responsible chaperone, walk towards the source of the chaos. On my way I pass terrified teenagers running for the exits, and teachers just standing there frozen in the midst of confusion and disarray.

Then I see it, an actual ghost. A stereotype, see through, white sheet covered, two black holes for eyes, real, ghost.

_This is impossible. Ghosts aren't real. They're fictional- things of haunted houses and campfire storys..._

I'm still heading for the other side of the room, when I feel something, probably a kid, slam into my side. I stumble and my feet tangle in fallen decorations making it impossible to gain my balance. _I'm going to fall. _I reach my arms out to catch myself, but before I hit the ground there's a thud next to my ear and a sharp pain shoots through my head. Then suddenly the music and screams begin to fade, and everything goes black.

* * *

**I'm really sorry about all the grammar mistakes, but hope you enjoyed it anyway. :)**


	8. Dreams

Chapter 8

* * *

_Where am I?_

All that's here is darkness and silence.

I take a few steps forward with my hands stretched out. _I don't feel anything. _A few more steps. _Nothing. _I walk a little faster. _Still nothing. _I start running. _Theres Nothing!_

I stop to catch my breath. _New plan._

"Hello?" I call. "Anyone there?"

No response.

"Hello!" I shout again.

No response.

_**What is going on?**_

Suddenly a woman's laughter fills the void and when I say fills I mean, it's coming from every direction possible. I move my head around anyway, searching for the source... there's still nothing.

It's not a creepy laugh like you'd think. It's actually the is the exact opposite.

This laugh is...beautiful-contagious-like church bells mixed with a sugar rush. It's the kind sound people get addicted to with just one second of listening. I've never heard anything like it, and I know I never will again.

"Who's there?" I ask.

A light shines down on me, more specifically, my hand. _Is that supposed to be answer? _I look up to see where the spotlight is coming from- of course, it's coming from nothing.

Then, out of nowhere, I feel something in my hand. The light is to blinding though I can't make out what it is. So I clasp my fingers around the object, its cool a metal rectangle with a chain attached to it._ A necklace?_

Thankfully, the light just dimmed a little and now I can make out that its a dated locket.

I examine the floral cover for a moment before carefully opening clasp to see whats inside.

I was expecting a photo, I mean that's what people put in lockets right? But there's nothing in it, just two small frames.

I let out a huff and the locket disappears into thin air. My eyes go wide and I take a few steps back. The laughter, which had faded into the background, comes back in full force.

I catch of a glimpse of something yellow behind me. _A post-it note? What..._ I go to pick it up when another one falls on right. Then another and another... and another. _Its raining post it's- of all things- post-its!_

A womans laughter, a locket and about a million square, yellow pieces of paper. What next?

"Mummy" says a faint whisper, I jerk my head around.

The post-its are coming down faster, I can barely see through them.

"Mummy" it's a slightly louder.

Something switches on inside of me. I **have** to find whoever is saying that. **I have too.  
**

"Mummy"

My breath is rapid and I'm running again, swatting at the paper frantically. _**I need to find her!** Her? Who's her?_

The laughter is rising to an ear aching volume. _Is it weird that it's better this way?_

"Mummy!"

I don't know when the area I'm in started filling up, but it is, the post-its are up to my waist.

"Mummy"

More laughter.

I can't walk anymore, I'm frozen. _These post-its will bury me soon. _I should be panicking and struggling, but I'm not. I feel...safe and extremely calm.

I let the laughter and "Mummy"'s take up a permanent resident in my mind. _I'm not going to forget this, I can't forget this, I have to remember these sounds. _

"Mummy"

Laughter.

The post it notes pile up high enough to cover my eyes. Everything goes black again.

* * *

I know this chapter is short but I'll be posting another one ether tomorrow or the next day that will be just as brief.


	9. Hospitals

Chapter- 9

* * *

I open my eyes slowly, squinting against the sudden brightness.

"Ugh" I groan trying to sit up.

I feel a hand on my shoulder pushing me back down lightly."Slow down" Chrissy whispers.

"What happened" I mumble as my eyes adjust.

"Mild concision, you've been out for a few hours" she says still hunched over the bed, holding my hand. "They said there was some unusual brain activity so they're keeping you over night."

_I'll accept that...Wait! _"What about the ghost?"

She acts confused "Ghost?"

"Chrissy" I warn.

"Yes, yes I'm sorry" she sighs "A couple of government agents came in and it disappeared"

"Hmmm that's suspicious...-"

"It seemed quite legitimate- I wouldn't look too much into it" she says quickly.

I'm too exhausted to care right now.

I glance around the room. _Ok get the facts- I'm in a hospital bed, my head is killing me, there's a chair on my right with a book in the seat, and Chrissy is still in her costume._

"You haven't changed out of your dress?"

"What?" She looks down "Oh- no I haven't been home yet"

"It was very sweet of you to stay " I say squeezing her hand.

"Well of course I stayed!" she huffs siting down "What else would I be doing while my friend is in the hospital?"

"Right- silly me" I say sarcastically.

"By the way if the doctor or any of the nurses ask, I'm your daughter."

"Okay..." I say with questioning stare."May I ask why?"

"Well apparently hospital policy says no visitors after 11:00pm- no exceptions." She rolls her eyes "That was until they the 14 year old girl in room C14, who refused to leave her mother's side. Some tears were shed and their little medical hearts broke into pieces. Sufficed to say I can stay as long as I want." She finishes with a wicked grin.

"I would have loved to see that" I smile, "I had no idea you could be so... devious."

"I learned from the best." she praises.

I tilt my head to the side. "What?"

Her grin fades "Oh...umm- nothing"

"Right..."

"So how are you feeling?" She asks.

"Like I was trampled by a bunch of teenagers."

"Can't say I know the feeling...but this one time Uncle blew up my workshop and I was trampled, in a way, by the ceiling." She tries.

I shake my head, "Uncle Charles strikes again."

"He **is** a writer."

"You never told me he writes."

She nods, "Yes, he and my mother used to write science-fiction together and when she left he took over."

"I see"

"So what do Emily Lakes parents do?"

Whenever she asks a personal question she always refers to me as Emily Lake. "They..." I'm drawing a blank. "You know what, I don't remember..."

"That's alright..."she says,"We can just say they were shopkeepers."

"That sounds about right." I say without missing a beat.

Her eyes go wide "Really?"

I think about it for a moment "Yes, it does."

She smiles and leans back in her chair,_ Why does that make her so happy?_

"What are you reading" I ask noticing the book in her lap.

She hesitates, but shows me the cover anyway "_The Time Machine"._

"Excellent choice." I state.

"Thank you" she says "My mom used to always read to me when I was sick. Uncle said it was the only thing that could keep her from worrying over me- I suppose I thought reading while your sick would make me feel closer to her..." She takes a deep breath. "It's stupid though-" she laughs.

"No! Don't be ridiculous" I exclaim sitting up, ignoring the pain. "Missing your mother and trying to feel close to her is not stupid Chrissy, don't you ever think different."

That beautiful smile breaks out across her face. "I won't."

"Good." I ease myself back down.

She's silent for a moment, hesitating to ask the question were both thinking.

"Ok" I sigh, wiggling a little to get comfortable before closing my eyes "Read to me"

There's no response, but I can feel her smile widen.

"The Time Traveller (for so it will be convenient to speak of him) was expounding a recondite matter to us..."

Her voice filling my ears and that wonderful laugh rebounding in my head- I couldn't ask for anything more perfect.

* * *

Someone please tell me when they want this to end because I could literally write this story forever. :)


	10. Getting ahead of the enemy

Chapter 10

* * *

"There was some unusual activity in the cerebrum- around where your memories are stored" that's what the doctor said. Apparently they've never seen anything like it. So, naturally, I have to come in for check-ups once every 2 weeks for at least 6 months.

Something good did come out of this though. You see, I've learned getting put in the hospital is the just the kind of thing I have to do to earn a visit from my "rescuers". Which means I have the upper hand now, because I know they are going to be at my apartment when I get home today.

* * *

_Here we go._ First, I walk up to my door, take a deep breath, then, reaching into my purse, I pull out my key and - _Danget!...I dropped the key._- I sigh. Then I go to pick up the key...

"I understand Adwin." I womans muffled voice says from inside my apartment.

"I don't think you do Jane" a mans voice responds.

I press my ear against the door.

"She is going to have questions-"

"She always has questions-" Jane cuts in.

"Not like this. Who knows how many memory's could have surfaced while she was unconscious. What if she ask you about Yellowstone or the time she spent bronzed. Its possible she may even remember something about her life **before** the bronzer? Her old colleagues, her brother, her d-"

"Adwin I know- I'm ready" Jane states.

_Yellowstone whats so important about Yellowstone?- Whats this about a bronzer- I have a brother?!_

"Find the memory's and **bury** them, Jane" Mr. Kosan says finally, leaving no room for discussion.

There are foot steps coming for the door. _Oh no!_ I stand up quickly to run down the hall and around the corner. Once there I lean against the wall and try to calm my breathing. _Deep breaths_. I hear the door open and close. _Inhale...Exhale._ The elevator doors ding. _Just get in and leave already!_ Another ding and the doors close._  
_

I take another deep breath and walk back down the hallway. _Stay Calm. She can't know you were listening._

I stand in front of the door, pause for a moment... then grab the handle. It's locked._ Oh- duh, I dropped the key- _I look down_- And the key is gone...wonderful- That means Kosan..._ I glance at the elevator._ Danget!_

_Ok so I can't knock... I'll just jiggle the handle! _It only takes a couple of seconds before Jane is opening the door for me.

"Emily?"

I act surprised to see her "Jane?"

"Did you lose your key?"

"Yes."

"That's not like you" She says.

"I must have just droped it- you know clumsy me" I try to laugh.

Her grin fades and she gets a confused look. "Right...clumsy you." I know what she's thinking _"She's not clumsy"_

"Yep..." _This is awkward._

"You can come in you know" she says in a state-the-obvious tone.

_Come on Whoever you are! It's your house! She shouldn't have to let **you** in! _"Of course" I smile, stepping through the door.

"So how are you feeling?" Jane asks once we've sat down.

"Better" I say.

"Good" She pauses "So we heard your...daughter? visited you in the hospital."

_Of course she knows about that_. "Oh yes" I smile " It just one of my students."

She doesn't say anything. _She's waiting for an explanation._

"You see, the nurses were going to make her leave. She told them that she was my daughter so they would let her stay."

Jane is silent for a moment "Did all your students visit you while you were there?"

I wait a moment before hesitantly saying "No?"

"So what's so special about her?"

"Nothing" I say quickly "She was just being polite."

"...Well that was nice of her. She sounds very sweet...-I'm sorry but I'm very forgetful could you remind me of her name again."

_They still don't know? _"I don't see how that's relevant..."

She nods, "Ok" _Ok? That's it. _"So while you were unconscious-"_  
_

"Oh yes I do have a question about that."

She smiles,"Of course you do."

"While I was unconscious, I had this dream... actually, now that I think about it, it was so real, it probably was a memory..."

"Well, why don't you tell me what you saw and I'll tell you if It was a memory or a dream."

"Alright." I pause, pretending to remember "I was around seven years old, and this boy and I were running around a house- I was chasing him. I'm quite sure he was my brother-"

"You don't have a brother" she says.

"I know but...Are you sure? He was so-"

"Yes- positive" she says way to fast to be telling the truth. "Anything else?"

"Then I was in Yellowstone National park-"

"You've never been."

"Are you sure bec-"

She cuts me of again "I'm sure."

I go silent, she's not in the mood to get tricked into saying something... Unless.

"And then there was this locket, when I opened it-"

"The girl was a figment of your imagination" _Bingo._

I try not to smile- _A picture of a girl was supposed to be in it._ "She was so real though..."

"Emily- you're around teenagers all day. Im sure you can think of a student you have with similar features- curly black hair, fair skin, dark brown eyes- there must be dozens." _T__hat sounds like... _"It looks like it was just your imagination getting the best of you."

"Of course..." I mumble not even paying attention anymore.

_It's just a coincidence...it has to be- there's no way that..._

"Emily?" She pulls me back.

"I'm sorry- what did you say?"

"I was simply saying that it would be best if you **don't** go in for these "special" check ups- the usual once a month for 5 months will be fine."

"Alright..." I'm still in a daze.

She nods "Ok then- I'll let you get some rest, you have to go back to work tomorrow."

And then, just like she does every time we talk, Jane leaves without another word.


	11. Just something else to worry about

Chapter 11

* * *

"Now why would a man from this era ever consider that womans rights were equal to his- much less publicly support them?" I ask the freshman class.

Nobody raises their hand. This happens literally **everyday**.

I only have around three students in each peirod that are willing to participate in class discussions. But I stay at the front of the room anyways- leaning against my desk, waiting for an answer that will never come.

Ten seconds go by.

I look at Chrissy. _"Please__"_

She sighs_ "Alright"_ and raises her hand.

I smile "Chrissy, why do you think he did it?"

"Maybe his sister made him." she says calmly.

I stare at her, shocked. _Oh my goodness- she's serious._

"That's stupid" a girl two rows over from her blurted "H.G Wells didn't have a sister."

Chrissy rolls her eyes but doesn't take the bait.

"Actually he did" I say, crossing my arms. "He had two older brothers and a younger sister."

A look crosses over Chrissy's face...surprise?

"That doesn't mean his sister made him do it" she says in the most brattiest way possible.

"No it doesn't, but I think its important that you respect your classmates and their opinions"

Her stare doesn't leave Chrissy."And by "classmates" you mean teachers pet" she smirks.

Chrissy turns her head around, but still doesn't say a word.

"I beg your pardon" I exclaim, but the girl (Brianna) continues.

"Why should i respect others opinions if you aren't going to respect mine" she asks "**I think. Chrissy's idea. is stupid.**" She punctuates each word, eyes trained on Chrissy. "Everyone is supposed to respect that, right?"

"Brianna- one more word and I'll have to send you down to Mr. Davis' office- are we clear." I snap.

"Crystal" she grins.

I glance back at Chrissy. She's looking at the front of the room again.

I think I just caught a glimpse of what goes on when I'm not around.

* * *

When the bell rings at the end of class I ask Brianna to stay behind.

She walks over with a cocky smile on her face, "Yes Ms. Lake?"

"What was that is class today?" I ask.

She ignores the question "I thought there was some rule against parents teaching their own kids."

_Oh great- this again_. "Chrissy's not my-"

"Ya I've heard" she cuts me off sharply, "I just don't believe it."

"That's enough." I say. _This is not going well..._

"What's wrong Ms. Lake, afraid I may tell someone the truth?"

"Chrissy Charles is **not** my daughter"_ I really hate saying that._

"You can keep telling people that- but pretty soon someone's going to find proof and then you won't be allowed teach your "little girl" anymore" she threatens "Heck you may even lose your job."

I stand up slowly- _Don't__ lose it._ "She is not my daughter- nothing you say or think will change that." I tell her. "And if there's a repeat of that show you put on during class- or if I hear about you bullying anyone else, especially Chrissy- I will see to it that you're sitting in detention for a month." It's not the scariest threat ever, but I've never sounded darker. "Now- you'd better leave, you wouldn't want to be late for your next class."

She holds my glare for a minute before reluctantly walking out.

* * *

_Curly black hair, fair skin, dark brown eyes..._

I'm staring at Chrissy while she does her homework- creepy I know but honestly that's a fleeting thought right now.

_Ya I've heard- I just don't believe it._

_The girl in the photo was a figment of your imagination._

_Curly black hair, fair skin, dark brown eyes..._

Their voices are echoing through my mind.

"By the way," Chrissy says suddenly, breaking my trance."Thank you"

"For what?" I ask.

"For defending me in class today" she smiles "even though you didn't have too."

"Don't be ridiculous. She shouldn't have said that" I respond immediately.

"Still" she shrugs "It was nice of you"

I'm silent for a moment, recommitting that adorable smile to memory. "Then you're welcome" I nod. "And Chrissy, thank **you**, for not responding to her attacks, that takes a whole lot of self-control and strength- I'm very proud."

Her grin widens "Yes well, she's not worth the fight"

I pause "Does she make comments like that often?"

"Yes" she nods again, "but the good news is im the only one she taunts."

I feel the anger boiling up inside of me again "How is that good?"

"Because some people can't take the jabs- its better she insult someone who can." Chrissy says wisely "That makes sense...right?"

"Yes" I say without hesitation.

This girl never ceases to amaze me, the depth of her knowledge and generosity- it fills me with pride-

_Your not her mother- You've only known her for two and a half months._

I shake the thoughts from my head. "You are very mature for your age, Chrissy"

"I've been told" she smirks playfully.

"By your uncle?" _That's shocking- I didn't __think he knew what mature was._

"No, by my boss-... grandpa" she corrects urgently "By my grandpa- Caturanga."

"Caturanga... What an odd name" I say amused. "No offense" I add quickly.

"None taken" she assures me, "He would actually take it as a complement."

I tilt my head, "Your family sounds very interesting."

She leans a little closer to my desk and whispers jokingly "You have no idea."

"I'm sure I don't" I laugh._Why does it always feel like she knows something I don't?_

She laughs with me and once again I find myself mesmerized.

_Curly black hair, fair skin, dark brown eyes...- no Jane, there are not dozens._


	12. Plans and Curiosity's

Chapter 12

* * *

I've been staring at my calendar for at least an hour now.

Its Thanksgiving so we have a whole week off from school. I don't know how I'm going to do it- One week is a long time!. Do you realize how bored I'm going to be! I mean I don't have any family- or friends for that matter- to celebrate with. I, of course, considered asking Chrissy but then I remembered she already has a family, which means she already has plans...

I suppose I'll just read- maybe watch the Macy's parade- and have a turkey sandwich...

Suddenly I hear a ringtone, and feel my pocket vibrating. _Who dare call me while I'm lost in thought!_

The number is not programmed into my phone and I don't recognize the area code... _I should just let it go to voicemail_. But you know by now I'm impossibly curious- so I answer it anyways.

"Hello?"

"Hello is this Miss Emily Lake?" A English accented voice asks.

"Yes?..." I say. "Who is this?"

"This is Charles Wel- Ouch!-" he cuts off with a grunt._What on earth?_

I faintly hear him cover the receiver and whisper "A simple hand gesture would have sufficed- you didn't have to hit me!" I can't hear the response but he soon mumbles a "Fine" and clears his throat.

"This is Char...lie?- yes Charlie Charles" his accent is American now.___Well this is odd._

"Charlie Charles?" I say, obviously not believing him.

"It's a family name" He explains.

"Right..." I hesitate before taking a leap "Is this Chrissy's uncle?"

"Yes!" he exclaims happily "Yes it is!"

I roll my eyes "You could have started with that."

There's a pause "Yes... I suppose I could have" he says regrettably.

_I shouldn't have said that, I need to make a good impression. This is Chrissy's uncle for goodness sakes!_

"Right then- what was it you needed?" I ask a little more cheery.

"Oh yes of course" his fake accent slips a little, but I don't call him on it. "I was- calling?" It sounds like he's talking to someone else again, "Yes- I was calling to see if you had any plans for the coming week?"

_Is he asking me out? _"Are you asking me out?" I ask trying not to sound horrified.

"No! No no no no" he says quickly "No, I was just wondering if you'd mind watching Chrissy for the week."

_He did not just ask that- I'm hearing things... I must be hearing things._

"The entire week?"

"Yes- if it's not too much trouble... I have a... business trip and I'm unable to bring Chrissy with me." His lies are becoming more believable, I would applaud him if circumstances were different.

I'm still in shock- _this is too perfect_ "Are you serious?"

"Quite." He responds shortly.

"Then yes. Absolutely yes!" I say trying to contain my excitement.

"Marvelous" I hear him slap his knee "Then she'll just come home with you Friday and I should be back the 26th- is that alright?"

"Yes that will be fine" I say barely giving him time to finish.

I hear a muffled shout in the background but again I can't make out what it said. Next I hear Chrissy shout "Coming" and a door open and close. Then Charlie comes back on the phone talking rapidly.

"There's something you need to know- Chrissy has a problem with nightmares" he says without taking a breath.

"Nightmares?" I repeat.

"Yes! Yes! Nightmares- Every night" he insists.

"Alright-"

"I don't think you understand" he continues warningly "The term 'nightmare' doesn't begin to describe-"

I hear the door open again.

He clears his throat "Yes that will be all, thank you again for doing this."

_What just happened? _"It's a pleasure" I mumble.

He says goodbye and hangs up.

_That has to be one of the most fascinating phone calls I've ever had... What was he trying to say about with the nightmare thing? Why was he lying about his name, accent, and why he needed me to watch Chrissy this week? And what's more- Why do I feel like __I've known him for years..._

I shake my head. _Don't be ridiculous. That's impossible- I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation..._

I hear a knock on the door and jerk my head in that direction. _Please don't be them. Please don't be them_.

I set the phone down and walk cautiously towards the door. Looking through the peep-hole I see it's not Kosan or Jane, but Ms. Sandy, the crazy nice, old lady from down the hall.

I don't hesitate turning the handle. "Ms. Sandy!" I say brightly "What a surprise!"

"Emily" she smiles.

"Please come in" I step back from the entrance.

"No, no, dear- not today" she says warmly "I was just walking by when I saw this key in front of your door" she holds up the key "Is it yours?"

"Oh yes" I say "I must have dropped it coming in- Thank you."_  
_

She nods and hands it to me. "Now on another note" she begins a little more seriously. "How are you feeling?"

"Good?" I say. "Why?"

"Well..." She pauses "A few people from the building have fallen ill, just out of the blue." She waves her hands "It's very strange- you know Annabelle, from floor 2." I nod. "She is always the picture of health, but yesterday it just hit her- she's in the hospital."

"Oh my" I exclaim softly "And there are others?"

"Yes, four others" she says gravely, "The doctors don't have a clue what's going on."

"That's terrible" I say._ "And rather a curious" _I add to myself.

"Yes it is" she agrees "You be careful, alright?"

"I will be- thank you for telling me"

We say goodbye and I close the door._ I wonder what's going on..._ I run my hand through my hair and grasp at my neck. _Ugh! What in the world goes ther- Oh my goodness... the locket...the locket! That must be it!_

I ended up going through my entire apartment- I searched every drawer, every shelf, everywhere- but there was nothing. Then I tried on each and every necklace I could find, but again none of them felt right. _Well this is discouraging..._ I'm not giving up though- I **will** find something.


	13. Dickens, Chess, and Confusion

Chapter 13

* * *

After waiting through what has to be the longest two days of my life- Friday is finally here.

I walk through my apartment door, with butterflies in my stomach and a ridiculous grin spread across my face. Asking myself why it took so long for me to have her over_. _

As excepted, the first thing that happens is Dickens. He comes up to her slowly- in his cat-like way- and tiptoes around her legs, rubbing against her softly.

"That's Dickens" I mutter, glaring at the fur-ball. _Inferior Cat!_

"He's adorable" she coos leaning down to pet him.

I try not to be disgusted. _Why haven't I gotten rid of that thing yet?- Wait...I should stay positive._ "Well at least someone likes him."_  
_

"Oh yes!- I love cats" she says brightly._  
_

He purrs a little and curls farther into her hand_- Nevermind- I can't do positive with this thing- I hate cats._

"Do you have any pets?" I ask, trying to take my mind of it.

She shakes her head "My Mother can't stand them and Uncle is allergic"

_Thank you Chrissy's mother for having common sense!_"I'm beginning to like your mother more and more every minute" I mumble going to set my purse down.

"You don't strike me as a cat person" She continues scratching his neck.

"I'm not." I say, "Emily Lake is."

"What do you mean?"_  
_

"I just mean the memory of me liking cats hasn't come back yet..."

She thinks the statement over "I don't think that's supposed to be a memory" she points out.

"Nether did I..." I don't want to talk about this right now. "Do you want a snack?" I ask heading for the kitchen.

She doesn't respond- her mind is wandering. _Why did I have to say that?_

* * *

An hour later- the cat matter is forgotten, and the snacks have been eaten.

I clasp my hands together "So what do you want to do?- We could..."

"Do you have a chess board?" She asks.

"Why yes- yes I do" I nod with a grin and head for the cabinet. _This is going to be fun._

I get the board out and lay the pieces on the table.

"Black or White?"

"Black." She says and begins setting up.

Shes very skilled at this game, she's obviously been playing for a while. I end up winning though, thankfully, the last thing I need is to be shown up by a teenager.

"You're very good" I say, resetting the pieces. "Do you play a lot with your uncle?"

"Charles? Are you kidding? I don't even think he knows how to play" she laughs_. I should have guessed._

"Hey- I'm still learning how your family works." I defend.

She smiles, "It is rather complicated isn't it."

_Well that sounded very English_...

"What?" she asks, noticing the weird look I'm giving her.

"It's sometimes you don't seem...American" I explain.

"Oh?" Shes confused.

"And when I was on the phone with your uncle he talked-"

She cuts me off, "He was just playing a game with Wooly"

Ok, so many more questions. "Who's Wooly?"

She buries her face in her hands "Why do I keep doing that" she moans.

I am so confused. "Doing what?"

"Nothing" She brings her head back up, "Woolcott is a friend of my mothers, but when she left, Wooly stuck around- he became like a second uncle to me really and he made friends with Charles."

Caturanga is her grandpa- Charles is her uncle- Wooly is like her uncle.

I shake my head, "I'm so lost"

"Then we need to get you un-lost. What part confuses you?"

I consider it for a moment-"First off your uncle's name."

By the look on her face, that might have been one question she didn't think I'd ask. "...What about it?" She tries.

"You told me I could ask" I say, "But if you don't want to tell me-"

"No, no" she says quickly. "Ummm... Everyone just calls him Charles...His other name is a secret."

"It's not Charlie though right?"

"No."

_Ill accept that._

_Maybe his sister made him do it-_ I don't know why that just came to mind but...What the Heck. "Ok...next question- your mother and uncle- is that where the you gave answer that day in class came from?"

She doesn't respond at first, she's debating whether she should tell me...again- the new question is, why is her family so secretive? "Yes, it is" she says firmly, "My mother supplied the ideas and research behind the novels while my uncle wrote them". Then she adds "Of course she also helped with editing, phrasing- stuff of that sort."

"Sounds like they worked out good system" I say positively.

She scoffs and moves to the living room "Expect for the part where my mother didn't get any credit"

_Well that's unfair..._"What?" I stand up swiftly._  
_

"Like I said- my family's complicated" she sighs, falling into the couch.

I go and sit next to her, "... I have a brother you know" I say trying to change the subject.

Her head perks up at this "What?"

"Well at least I think I do..." I trail off. _Probably shouldn't have said that._

"What does that mean?" She inquires further.

I sigh and shake my head "I don't really know... ."

"I heard it helps to talk it through with someone" she offers cautiously.

I sit up a little and turn to face her "You know what- I think your right."

She smiles "Am I every not?"

"Don't push it" I warn playfully.

"Alright alright" she laughs "Just tell me"

I take a deep breath, think about where to start and then I began to weave my tale. I tell her my entire situation- everything from the rehabilitation facility to Mr. Kosan to the locket. She's quiet through the whole story, nodding and silently agreeing at points. For some strange reason I feel like she kind of already knew what was going on- like my two worlds had collided a long time ago...

My story comes to an end. At first, she's silent before saying "I believe one should stick with their truth, not avoid it. And if Emily Lake is not your truth... Well, you shouldn't be her- you need to be you."

That's exactly what I needed to hear. That I don't have to pretend. Better yet- that I don't have to pretend around **her**. I can be **me**...now I just have to find out who I am.

I stare at her for a while, eyes locked, hoping she can see how much I love her for telling me that. Then I do something I have yet to do. **I** hug **her**.

"My little genius and her words of wisdom" I whisper, feeling tears forming in my eyes.

I can feel her smile "I like being your little genius."

I'm bothering to stop the tears from falling."Good- because I have no intention of letting you go" I say honestly.

She squeezes a little tighter, "I wouldn't have it any other way"


	14. Dreams and Nightmares

Chapter- 14

**Alright so this chapter was updated because I forgot to put in this one part that I really wanted in there.**

**Of course if your reading this for the first time the message above doesn't matter. **

**Anyway enjoy the story!**

* * *

"Alright time for bed" I say turning off the movie.

"But I'm not even tired" she yawns.

Ive just learned that sometimes the things you see on tv and read in books are true- Kids never want to go to bed, no matter how tired they are.

I wish I could remember my child hood... Did **I** do this when it was **my** bed time? Did my brother and I give my mother and father a hard time?

I shake my head from the thoughts and let her continue to sit next to me, eyes droopy, fighting to stay awake. I work out my plan of attack, deciding exactly how to have my first night putting a child, no matter how old, to bed.

_This is going to be fun._

"Right- not tired" I agree, deciding not to demand she go to bed, but convince her she wants to."So I suppose your up for a run?"

She groans "Since when do you run?" She knows what I'm doing and I knew she would, Chrissy too smart to fall for something like this, but I don't care. Its going to work, she's to exahusted to put up a fight.

"I don't normally, but I'm willing to make an exception if your still not sleepy..."

She moans again "Fine."

"That's what I thought" I say.

She stands up and helps me make the couch into a bed. She can barely grasp the sheets so I tell her I'll finnish up and she can go put her pajamas on. When she comes back- rephrase- stumbles back, I pull back the covers and she lays down without a word. I kneel down next to her.

She snuggles deeper into the pillow and closes her eyes. "Goodnight Ms. Lake."

I grin softly and tentatively push some curly hair out of her face "Emily" I correct softly "Call me Emily"

She nods with a small smile, keeps her eyes closed and says, "Goodnight Emily"

I bend down to kiss her forehead "Goodnight Chrissy" I whisper and her smile gets a little wider._ God shes adorable. _

I stand up and walk towards my room, turning out the lights as I pass the switch.

I close my door slowly and immediately slump against it. I've never felt this happy before.

_She's not yours._ I hear Mr. Kosan's voice say.

_I don't care_ I say back

_This is wrong- you're her teacher! Practically a stranger- she already_ _has_ _a mother!_ The voice says.

_Shut up! _I inwardly scream, it seems to work. Gosh even when he's not here he's annoying and evil.

As I think back to the sleeping Chrissy in the other room, the happiness returns. I push of the door and put on something to sleep. Once I get into bed, sleep immediately overtakes me.

* * *

I'm sitting down in front of a chess board, I can't see my opponent but whoever it is, they're winning.

"Very good" an older mans voice says after I make my move. "Your getting there."

"I would hope so after how many times we played" I hear myself say with the accent that seems to be a recurring theme.

Suddenly something shifts and the chess board is rearranged- I'm winning now. I make my move "Checkmate" I say with satisfaction.

"Oh Frak! Frakity Frak Frak Frak!" A young woman's voice says in frustration. "How do you do that?!" She demands.

"Years of practice darling. Years of practice" I hear my voice say.

The scene changes again and that wonderful laugh begins to echo throughout the room.

A warm feeling travels through me and an infectious grin breaks out across my face. All at once I feel...excited- anxious- like spark has ignited inside of me- I feel alive. I know it's ridiculous- but I've fallen in love with a laugh.

A door appears in front of me, I open it without hesitation. Stepping through I find thousands of doors lining an endless hallway, each one a different color and design.

The ceiling and floor are translucent, yet solid. A few steps in and I see the walls behind the doors are the same. Looking closer, through the right wall, I make out a sparkling brook, and through the left is a forest most likely full of critters. The skies are a magnificent blue, spotted with white, fluffy clouds and flocks of birds. It has to be one of the most peaceful places on earth. Strangely though, being here makes me feel on edge, angry, heartbroken even.

I'm made aware of the laughter again and my spirits rise. Gone are the thoughts of the outside world, of the peaceful-depressing scene.

I focus on that laugh and slowly realize its coming from one of the doors.

I walk across the floor quickly, opening each door as I pass. Behind every one I find a black void. Door after door after door, my faith should be dwindling- I should want to give up. But I know as long as that laughter is rebounding in my head, nothing will stop me. I **will** find the woman behind the voice. I **will**. I open a hundred more doors, with each one feeling closer and closer.

"Mummy" a faint whisper comes from one of the doors I've already passed.

It's not enough for me to turn around. So I continue down the hallway, still searching for the beautiful laughter that seems to be getting louder and louder.

"Mummy" the little voice yells it this time.

I jerk my head in that direction and take of sprinting back down the hall.

"Mummy!"

I come to a light pink door, open it, and step into the darkness without a second thought.

"Mummyyyyyy! Help meeee!"

I'm falling thorough the void, convinced I'm going to land on a hard, cold floor. What seems like a hundred years goes by and all of sudden everything stops.

* * *

I sit up in my bed, panting.

"MUMMMY!" It's not a dream. _Chrissy__  
_

I throw the covers off me in an instant, and jump out of bed, running for the other room, with an impossibly clear mind. _This is what Charles was talking about._

"HEEEELP!" The ear piercing scream shouts again.

I'm by her side before I can register the look of terror on her face and the tears running down her checks. She's thrashing back and forth, punching and kicking at the invisible attackers.

I'm somehow extremely calm and at the same time inwardly panicking.

"Chrissy" I shake her. "Wake up!"

"No-no-please!" She pleads, sounding smaller and more defenseless by the second."**MUMMY**!"

On pure instinct I throw my arms around her and pull her close to my chest, not carrying whether or not she hits me in her fit of terror. "It's just a dream" I say "You're alright-you're alright"

Suddenly the screaming stops. I feel her arms attach themselves around my neck, clinging to me like a lifeline.

"Shhhhh..." I whisper rubbing her back "I've got you- don't worry"

Her body jerks with each sob, and her tears leak through my shirt onto my shoulder.

I know she just needs to be held, cuddled, and reminded that she's safe. So I pick her up with ease and surprising strength, and carry her to my room.

I lay her down on the bed, never loosening my arms. I continue talking to her soothingly as I prop myself up and pull the covers over us. She turns a little and releases her hold on my neck to move her arms around my waist.

Her tears subside,"Nobody's going to hurt you."

She buries herself deeper into my chest and tightens her grip.

"Shhh" I stroke her hair, and pull her closer "You're safe, You're safe."

After a while I hear her breathing even out and feel the tears stop. _She's asleep._ I allow myself to relax a little, and process what exactly happened. I think back to my dream and the two new voices I heard, one an old man and the other a young woman. Then of course there are the voices I've already heard, the woman with the amazing laughter and the little girl in the locket-

And it hits me, the realization id always had but chose to ignore. _The girl in the locket_...I look at Chrissy, studying her face- _with-with curly black hair, fair skin, and brown eyes...the girl that says Mummy..._

For a minute I let myself embrace the possibility. Thinking back to every smile, every quick remark, her curiosity, that uncontrollable urge to know how things work and why, the sense of confidence she always carried, so much like me but still completely unique. Then theres her physical features, the fair skin, the black hair that we shared-even if her's was curly-, and finally the biggest give away of all- her eyes. She, with-out-a-doubt, had my eyes. Until now I was in denial but hearing her scream- in the same voice- the word from my dreams.

I'm shocked it took me this long to admit it.

But then reality begins to creep back in. If I was her mother. Why would she keep me in the dark? Why would she lie? Why would she tell me things about myself- about my family?

I pull her a little closer, savoring the feel of her smaller body curled around mine. She's searching for a sense of protection, something I realize now she could only find with her mother.

My question list just tripled. But I'm not going to wake her up just to ask. Which means there's only one other way for me to find out more.

_Deductive reasoning._

Ok- First of the word Mummy. That's English not American, and tonight while Chrissy was dreaming she was talking with an accent. Then Charles talked with an accent and that man in my dream kind of had an accent. And then **I** had an English accent in my dream which means- I'm not American...-no wonder I don't like coffee.

Alright next order of business- Chrissy's name. Not that it's not a wonderful name, I just can't see myself naming my child that... I suppose it could be a nick name? Yes that's probably it- a nickname short for... Crystal? No... Crysta? No... Christine No...but its close... _Alright if you were to have a daughter right now-_I imagine holding a small child in my arms, watching her giggle and squeal- _Now w__hats her name?- __Christina_ I think immediately. Her name is Christina.

I glance down at Chrissy- Christina and trace the side of her face with my fingers. I smile softly _Christina_.

_I'll talk to her tomorrow._

And for the second time tonight I close my eyes and allow myself to fall asleep, this time with my daughter snuggled in my arms.


	15. A messy failure

Chapter 15

* * *

I opened my eyes slowly and reluctantly, squinting a the sunlight streaming through my window. I was so distracted last that I forgot to close the blinds.

I let my self adjust to the cooler air blowing on my face and the warm, innocent teenager still pressed up against me fast asleep.

I sit up cautiously, making sure not to move her too much. Although, apparently, I'm not too good at that part of parenting yet because as soon as I shift she groans in protest and try's to pull me back down.

"It's not time to wake up yet" she mutters into my chest.

I chuckle a little, "You don't have to get up yet darling, don't worry"

Her head pops up, suddenly completely awake "You just called me darling"

I wait for a moment, remembering I'd said the same thing in my dream. Then I turn to her and smile"I did, didn't I"

She stays quite, giving me the opportunity to think back to the realization I'd come to at 3:00 in the morning.

_I have to do this carefully, I don't want her to close up_.

"Would you like some breakfast?" I ask.

She nods and sits up,"Yes please."

_Perfect plan- I'll lure her in with pancakes._

We go to the kitchen without a word, both of us silently agreeing it's too early for a conversation. She's not a morning person, something else we have in common.

I've only made pancakes once before, and I failed miserably. But I'm going to give it another try anyways, I mean there is always cereal if something goes wrong.

It starts off good, she mixes the batter and I prepare the stove. It was when it came time to pour the batter that things got messy.

In the end it was on the floor, the counter, our cloths, all over our hands and in our hair. And what's worse it's not a 'lets have fun with it' kind of thing like you see in the movies- No, we're both too stubborn for that. Instead it's more of a 'I'm going to blow up this kitchen if we can make a perfect pancake' situation.

"Why won't it form!?" Chrissy- Christina demands slamming down the bowl.

"People make it look so easy!" I wipe a big glob of my arm and pout.

She plops down on the floor in frustration. "We are horrible bakers."

I turn the stove off and sit down next to her. "I'm never making pancakes again." I decide, glaring at the sticky liquid.

She agrees with me and crosses her arms.

A few seconds later she lets out a breath and reluctantly says."We're going to have to clean this up now, aren't we?"

"Yes" I sigh, "Yes, we are."

I start with the floor, she starts with the counter. We scrub and wash, yell a little at our failure, then we scrub and wash some more. Pretty soon all that's left to clean is ourselves.

"You can have the shower first." I tell her as she cleans the last spot on the stove.

_I'll confront her afterword, _I decide.

Her eyes go wide and she turns towards me slowly. "Emily?"

I give her a hesitant look "Yes?"

"Ummm..." she starts to run her hand through her hair but stops- too much pancake "Never mind." She says quickly.

I watch as she walks briskly for the restroom mumbling to herself "You got this" over and over.

Someday this curiosity of mine will get me into trouble, I know it. However that doesn't mean I'm going to stop.

Once she closes the bathroom door, I practically run over to listen in on her ramblings. _This is so wrong_ I tell myself, but of course I continue anyway.

"Alright, hot and cold." She says. I hear a small thud "Not a button...Maybe if I" suddenly the spray of shower hits the tub. "Turn it" she finishes sounding satisfied.

_Is she really figuring out how to work a shower? She's fourteen surely she should know that by now._

"Thank you 21st century manufactures for being smart enough to label these things."

_And just to add to the confusion she's talking with an accent. _

Next she struggles to get the right temperature, then figures out what exactly everything in the shower is.

_So she's never taken a normal shower before..._

I move my ear away from the door and go back to the kitchen, giving her some sort of privacy. I wait patiently for her to finish, planning out exactly how I'm going to ask her all these questions I have.

When she comes out I help set her up with the hair dryer, yet another thing she is fascinated by. Then I go ahead and take my shower prepared to confront her when I get out.

* * *

**Sorry this chapter is kind of flat, I had to chop it in two so the good part will come next.**


	16. Are you my daughter?

Chapter- 16

* * *

It's the perfect time to ask her, right? While we're eating sugary cereal and talking about what exactly said cereal it's made of.

"Chrissy?" I begin.

"Yes?" I watch her take another bite.

"Did I know you before the accident?"

"No" she doesn't hesitate, but still she doesn't say it too fast.

"Are you positive? Because I keep having these dreams-"

"I'm sure" she says in an even tone._ She's an excellent liar._

I can't just blurt out 'Are you my daughter?' What if I'm wrong and it's all just a coincidence? If I bring up her mom it will just make her sad and then, after that, she'll get mad at **me** for asking about it, after she's made it very clear that her mother is gone.

_No. Don't wimp out. Just approach form another angle._

"Chrissy, I need you to be honest with me. If you knew something about my life before would you tell me?"

"Of course" she states, without any room for doubt "I would most defiantly tell you...one way or another." she mumbles the last part.

_One way or another..._ I know Jane and Kosan don't know about her, but did **she** know about **them** before I told her. She wasn't at all surprised when I spoke of their impromptu visits and need to control everything.

_Just ask her!_ I hear my inner voice scream "Even if someone told you I wasn't supposed to know?"

She stares at me silently.

"Would you tell me even if I wasn't supposed to know?" I ask again more firmly.

She remains quiet as she slowly looks down at the table.

_I knew it! _

_Alright- the final test._

I take a deep breath and soften my voice a little, "Christina?"

She jerks her head up, "You remember."

I smile sadly "No I don't" she sinks in her chair again.

"Then how did you find out?"

"Find out what?"_ I need to hear her say it._

"That I'm..." She hesitates "That I'm your daughter."

An invisible weight is lifted of my shoulders and I let it sink in that I'm talking to **my** **daughter**.

"How did you know?" She asks again.

I grin playfully "Deductive. reasoning."

She grins and nods knowingly, "Of course."

"I also know your not American so you can drop the accent."

"Oh thank God!" she sighs in full on British mode.

I laugh "I will admit though, your 'American teenager' voice is brilliant."

She does a little bow with her head "Thank you."

I think back to Halloween-_ now something actually makes sense._

I pause for minute and let the mood change. "Now why didn't you tell me"

"It was the safest way" she explains "If the regents found out you knew something about yourself they'd erase your memory again."

"Who are the regents?"

"Your 'rescuers'" she adds the sarcasm. _Apparently nobody likes those people._

"No wonder they won't tell me anything..." I realize leaning back in my chair. She nods in agreement. "But **you** can tell me" I say to her, getting excited.

I can finally know who I am. I can know where I come from, who my family is. I'll be able to figure out my purpose, where I belong. And best of all I can get rid of Emily Lake for good.

"No, I can't tell you" She says apologetically.

My heart sinks. Or I can never know and remain in the dark. Living a lie, teaching teenagers in some high school in Wyoming, with an annoying cat named Dickens. Haunted every night with a laugh ill never know the owner of. With memories of people I ill never see again. Being constantly watched by a group of people who stripped me of my identity.

"I don't understand, Why can't you tell me who I am?" I ask her pleadingly.

She looks at me with a depressing 'I'm sorry' face "They'll move you again and this time it might be to somewhere I can't visit" she says suddenly on the verge of tears "Mother I wouldn't be able see you anymore."

_Mother... She called me mother.  
_

"Or worse- they'll find some other kind of punishment for you." She adds in spite.

"Punishment?" I repeat "What did I do?"

She just looks at me. One of her tears falls.

"Right-I forgot" I say apologetically.

"I am sorry" she insists, standing up and walking towards me "I'd like more than anything for you to be able to look at me and know- **remember** who I am. But I- I don't want to lose you again" she sobs.

"Oh Christina" I take her hands in mine."You are **not** going to lose me alright- you're not"

She nods quickly. She's still a little girl on the inside.

"And I may not have my memories but- I know who you are sweetie, you don't ever need to worry about that."

She nods again and manages a smile as her tears begin to stop.

**Knock! knock!**

"Perfect timing" I mutter, jerking my head in the doors direction.

She rolls her eyes and giggles at my complaint.

I squeeze her hands and get up "I'll get rid of whoever it is and be right back"

"Alright" she says.

I walk up to the entrance and look through the peep-hole. It's a man I've never met before- a stranger. He's around 38, give or take, with brown hair and- Oh great- he has a badge, a gun and- is that a packet of skittles in his pocket?

He knocks again.

_Oh right- open the door._

"Hello" I say nicely "What can I do for you?"

"Oh my gosh" His go wide as he pulls out his gun and aims it stray at me.

My hands immediately go up, "What on earth?!"

"How did you escape!?" he demands angrily.


	17. Meeting new people

Chapter 17

* * *

"Hello" I say nicely "What can I do for you?"

"Oh my gosh" He gasps, pulling out his gun to aim it straight at me.

My hands immediately go up, "What on earth?!"

"How did you escape!?" he demands.

"What are you talking about?" I yell back. _Clearly__ this man is insane._

"Listen lady-"

Then, in a flash, Christina is moving past me, taking the gun, sticking it in her back pocket and pinning the man up against the wall. "No guns." She says fiercely before releasing him and coming to stand next to me.

"Where did you learn that?" I ask, shocked.

A sly grin forms across her face "From you of course." _  
_

The man doesn't give me time to respond. "What the heck!- Give that back!"

"No guns." She repeats sharply._The American accent is back._

"Listen kid, I'm secret service which means I can pull my gun whenever I want!" He says, his issue with me completely ignored- _Men and their egos._

Christina keeps her voice even and strong "I couldn't care less about your status in the U.S government 'Agent'- you are not going to use a gun in front of me."

"You little-" the agent moves towards her quickly.

"Don't you dare!" I snap moving in front of her.

"Pete! What are you doing?" A woman's voice comes from down the hallway.

"That kid took my gun!" He- Pete whines.

The woman steps into view with a stern face directed at Pete. "Explain." He just points to Christina, and she turns towards us.

My heart stops and my breath hitches in my throat as everything around me fades- all I can see is her. Tall and fit- defiantly capable of more than you'd think at first glance- yet her features are still soft and inviting. She stands with authority and a no-nonsense air circles around her. One look in those striking, emerald eyes, and I feel like I know everything about her but still nothing at all. She's a mystery- a gorgeous, breathtaking mystery. _It's her laugh- it has to be. I can't imagine it being anyone else's._

"Helena?" She says in a tone of surprise and sorrow.

All of a sudden I can feel my heart rapidly beating on my chest and my skin begins to get warmer and warmer.

In my head I know I should respond, but I'm speechless- at a loss for words- still completely in awe. Thankfully Christina nudges me, and I come flying back down to earth.

I shake my head, "I'm sorry?"

"How are you- What are doing here?" She asks taking a step towards me. I can tell she's trying to stay strong. Why? I have no idea.

"Well I... I live here" I say dumbly. _Come on pull it together! _I berate myself.

"You live here?" Pete says, obviously not believing me.

I look at him pointedly, furious that he has decided to talk again. "Yes I do."

"Do the regents know you're here?" She asks still in shock.

"Alright." Christina speaks up on high alert "I think that's enough." _She's afraid I'll say something._

"The regents?" I repeat acting confused, Christina relaxes a little.

"Oh don't play dumb with us H.G" Pete sighs.

"Emily" I say "My name is Emily."

"Helena-" the woman begins, taking a step towards me.

I cut her off "Who's Helena?" _Was that too harsh?_

She goes silent, and stares at me for a minute, her face pleading with me to be lying. It tugs at my heart.

"Pete-" the woman begins gravely, not bothering to look away. _She knows I don't remember._

"No Mykes, don't fall for it-" he tries.

"Pete" she repeats, still staring at me. "It's not her." _Wait it **is** me!- whoever me is-I'm not a double! I just...don't remember.__  
_

"Mykes-"

"Pete. She doesn't have on the locket- it's not her."

"Locket?- You know about my locket?" I say before I can stop myself. _Stupid Curiosity- don't you know saying that will just make the situation worse!_

"No!" Christina interrupts again, breaking my sudden trance "No more talking."

"You're not the boss of us." Pete says sounding so much like a five year old it's unhealthy.

Suddenly a weird buzzing sound comes from the woman's pocket. She pulls out a strange metal box and opens it up.

"Stop talking!" A mans voice shouts.

Christina sighs in relief "Thank you"

"But Artie-" the woman starts.

"It's not up for discussion- get back here now and don't say another word to anyone!" The device makes another noise.

The woman sighs and closes the odd telephone thing. "We're sorry for the inconvenience." She turns to leave.

"Wait Mykes - that's it?" Pete stops her.

"You heard Artie." She says. "Not another word."

"But-"

"Pete."

"Fine." He turns to Christina "Can I have my gun back?"

In one swift move the weapon is out of her pocket and in his holster.

"That was just freaky." He states, eyes wide.

Christina responds but I don't hear what she says. I'm too busy watching the woman walk over to my desk silently, and write something down.

She waits till she's out in the hallway before calling for her partner "Come on Pete!"

"Okie dokie!" He turns around and runs after her.

"Wait!" I yell. Christina jerks her head my direction with warning eyes. I ignore her though and walk out the door swiftly, to catch up with the woman.

"I never got your name" I say almost desperately, half convinced she'll just brush the question off.

But surprisingly she grins and reaches out her hand "Agent Myka Bering."

Goose bumps rise on my arm as I take her hand. "Emily Lake."

My hand feels on fire- Our eyes are locked- her mouth is slightly parted, I'm sure mines the same. We stand there for a minute before she glances down at our joined hands. I do the same and quickly let go "Sorry"

She laughs a little at the blush rising on my face. "It's ok." She says with a reassuring smile.

And then she's heading back down the hall with a loud talking Pete by her side. I just stand there watching- like an idiot- as they step to turn the corner. Before they do though she turns back around and looks at me. Our eyes meet again- this time she's the one that blushes and I'm the one that smiles. Then she's out sight (but defiantly not out of mind) _Myka Bering..._

"Well that was interesting." Christina says coming up next to me.

"Yes she was" I say softly. I turning to her "Lets get inside" wrapin my arm around her shoulders we walk back into the apartment.

She closes the door behind us. "I'm going to wash my hands" she says "Get rid of the metal smell."

"Alright."

Once she's in the bathroom I quickly go to my desk. Finding the note Myka left I read it urgently _Emily- if you ever want to talk..._ theres a phone number under the message- **her** **phone number.**

I feel the butterfly's in my stomach begin to flap their wings again as I think about what this whole things means.

You know me, always trying to find deeper meaning in everyday things.

_How did she know I didn't have anyone to talk with about this stuff? Not that I didn't tell Christina what was going but she's still a teenager- **my** teenager at that. What I really need is to discuss this with an adult- an adult who knows the situation. Myka can be that adult- she could be the one to help me make sense of it all- she could help me find my way- not to mention she can also make me feel like I'm on a sugar rush without even trying. _Unfortunately there are still two problems: One- if she's really **is** working for the regents how can I trust her- and Two- She seemed surprised to see me... does she even know whats going on with the regents and me right now?

Christina walks back in with semi damp hands and I immediately bury the note in my pocket.

_I can deal with the Myka questions later- right now I'm going to spend some time with Christina._

I come over to her, away from the desk "Alright long-lost daughter I just learned I had, what do you want to do?"

Christina considers the question for a moment "Chess." She decides with a grin "Defiantly Chess."

* * *

**I love hearing what you think, so please ask me any questions you have. Also tell me stuff you would like to see happen, stuff you didn't like, where you want to see the story go, if you want to see it end, anything. I take into consideration every suggestion and promise to try to answer all questions.**


	18. Confessions

The rest of that day went wonderfully, so wonderfully in fact that I'm taking back Friday's comment about being happier than I've ever been before and putting it to yesterday. I mean how could I not, I found out I have a daughter, I met Myka and as if it that wasn't enough, that night I didn't even have to ask Christina if she wanted to sleep in my bed again, she just climbed in and curled around me.

But of course that was yesterday, a whole day ago. Today was going to be filled with nervousness and panicking, I just know it.

The first sign of trouble occurred the moment we woke up- or well the moment we were **woken** up.

**Knock! Knock!**

"Uggh" Christina moans rolling over "Morning people."

"Don't worry darling, I'm not going to answer- they'll go way eventually." I mutter not even bothering to open my eyes. _**95% asleep.**_

**Knock! Knock!**

Christina buries her head deeper into the pillow and I do the same. _**90% asleep.**_

**Knock! Knock!**

They aren't going away.

I groan and get up.

"What happened to 'I'm not going to answer'? I hear her muffled voice ask.

"They'll go away quicker this way." I assure her as I walk to the door. **_80% asleep._**

Through the peep-hole I see none other than Jane and Kosan. _**100% awake**_- _Both of them?! The never both come!_

I sprint back to my room. "Christina." I shake her feet "Christina wake up."

"Alright, Alright" she mumbles, her accent thick with sleep. "What's all the fuss?"

"Regents!"

In a flash she's out of the bed and searching for a hiding spot.

**Knock! Knock! **"Emily?" I hear Jane call.

I glance at the front door quickly and then back to my room- Christina is gone. "Very impressive" I whisper. "Make sure not to say a word."

I walk back to the door and open it up "Sorry about that- I just got up."

"It's alright Emily" Jane says nicely. There's a pause.

I realize they're still in the hallway, I take a step back "Please come in"

As Kosan walks pass me I notice a large cut on his head. "Oh my- What happened?"

"Nothing" he answers taking a seat on the couch.

Jane sits next to him "How have you been?"

"Fine fine" I say, heading for the chair.

"Good- I assume you know why we're here" she cuts to the chase.

"It's because of the agents, correct?"

"Yes." Mr. Kosan states "We need to clarify a few things."

I sit back "Alright."

"First you need to know everything they said was false" he begins "And entertaining any ideas they may have planted is foolish."

"Alright" I say again._ Saw that coming._

"We also have a couple of questions" Jane says.

"Oh and what would those be?"

"The agents informed us there was girl here- who was she?" He demands.

_My god their annoying._ "I thought everything the agents said was false." I smirk.

"Emily" Jane warns.

"It just one of my students dropping off a late assignment." I explain, lying with ease- _Christina must be rubbing of on me._

"A student?- We understand she disarmed and pinned one of the agents to the wall."

I smile "It seems she has a very protective mother who insist she know how to defend herself." I shrug, "What can I say- some parents are nuts."

They eye me carefully, looking for any sign of deceit. As excepted, they find none.

"And what was this students name?" Kosan asks.

I say the first name that comes to mind "Jordan Floyd- Sophomore."

"Does Jordan stop by often?" Jane questions further.

"No, this was a first." I say. "And I'm sure the man in the apartment across the hall will tell you the same."

He's one of theirs- Daniel Foster, I figured it out a few weeks ago. Not that he's not a very convincing undercover agent I'm just good at seeing people for who they really are- Plus I saw him talking with a regent outside the building.

"I'm afraid we don't understand." Jane says innocently.

"Yes, of course." I try to hide the sarcasm.

They are silent for a moment before standing, simultaneously, and walking to the door. I follow them. _Quickest. Visit. Yet! _I inwardly squeal.

"It was nice to see you again Emily" Jane smiles. Mr. Kosan merely nods.

"You too." I smile back.

And then they leave. I closing the door and slide down it with a loud sigh of relief.

"That went well." Christina states emerging from her hiding spot.

I laugh a little "As well as it'll ever go with those people."

She agrees and comes to sit next to me.

"Is it their fault?" I ask suddenly.

She turns to me genuinely confused "I'm sorry?"

I soften my features a little "Is it their fault you have nightmares?"

She wasn't expecting that- and honestly nether was I. The question has been bouncing around in my head since yesterday night. I really don't know why it came out now.

Christina just stares at me for a moment. Her terrifying memories most likely resurfacing. Then she shifts a little and looks at the floor. "Partly, yes"

Fury boils up inside of me and all I want to do is throw open this door and run after the regents, completely prepared to **destroy them on the spot.**

_Oh goodness- that was violent... I'm just going to blame it on motherly instinct._

Thankfully, the anger is pushed out-of-the-way, quickly and replaced by the uncontrollable need to comfort.

I pull her close to me and kiss her head "I'm so sorry" It's all I can think to say.

She takes a deep shaky breath "It's not your fault."

_But what if it was- I can't remember, for all I know it could be._

"There's no way you could have known..."

I want so badly to ask_ 'No way I could have known what.' _But I'm not going to push.

"How much did Charles tell you?" She asks.

"He only told me about the nightmares- nothing else." I say rubbing her arm.

"I haven't told him anything else." She plays with the edge of my shirt. "I don't think he wants to know."

I don't say anything, just continue rubbing her arm.

"He's very innocent, Charles, never really knows whats going on and never harbors regrets- He just lives in the moment you know."

I smile, and try to imagine the time I must have spent with my brother. "That annoyed me, didn't it"

She smiles and nods "He likes to say you were just jealous- that you used to try desperately not to care about what was going on."

I stiffen suddenly angry, in the most sisterly way possible, that he said that.

"But then he tells me 'It never worked for her Chrissy- despite what she had gone through, her heart was too big. She cared too much about the people who make up this crazy world not to help each and everyone of them, that's why she invented and wrote- she wanted to show them that, with a little imagination, the world could be a glorious place." She quotes with a small smile and then continues "'But as you know, people couldn't know she was a forward thinking, better world making, genius. So she, graciously, let me have that attention. Of course she was still adored by everyone, for her charms and her wit- she still got attention just not for the right thing.'" _Well that doesn't make any sense- Why couldn't I say I helped write the books?_ Now when I'd ask her about it all- about me getting all her fame- she would simply put her hands on my shoulders, smile a content smile and say 'Charles, no matter how much I wish it, society would never accept the truth. Someday it will be different, but for now- as long as our message gets across, as long as I have you and Christina- its enough. This life is enough.' And that Chrissy is why **I** was jealous of your mother, because she was happy to do all her good deeds in secret, as long as she knew we we're was making the world a better place...'"

I can feel tears running down my face. _I can't believe Charles said that, he always sounded like such man-child- incapable of taking anything serious. Obviously I was wrong, because of him I now know something about me- for the first time I know what kind of a person I was. How I acted, what I believed in, what others thought of me. _

_There's just one problem- if I was really like that, why am I here? What was I punished for? What could have happened to change me?_

I push the questions aside for now.

"Thank you" I say squeezing her.

"Uncle said it not me." She reminds me nicely.

I sit her up a little to look her in the eyes. "Yes darling but you're the one who **told** me- so thank you."

She smiles and shifts to lean back against me. "Any time."

"And Christina" I say.

"Hmmm?"

I tuck a stray curl behind her ear "Any time you want to talk about it, I'm here alright- You can tell me anything."

Shes silent, the same kind of silent she was when I asked her about the nightmares. She thought I had forgotten all about how this conversation started. "And you won't treat me any differently?" She sounds desperate.

"Oh sweetheart" I pull her closer. "Nothing will ever change how I feel about you."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

She snuggles deeper into me "Alright I'll tell you- just not to day ok?" She says earnestly. "I don't want to talk about it today."

"That's perfectly fine darling- whenever you're ready, I'm here." I assure her.

She looks back up at me "Thank you."

I just stare at her for a moment as all the time I've spent with her comes back in waves. _The first day of school, the ice cream shop, playing chess, every moment spent after class doing homework and reading essays, when we attempted to make pancakes..._ I trace my finger down the side of her face "I love you, you know that?" I whisper.

She grins and says in the same hushed tone "I love you too."

I place a lingering kiss on her forehead before resting my head on hers. "I'm glad you told me." _'that you're my daughter'_ is unspoken.

"I'm glad you figured it out."

I hum in agreement.

She moves a little to pull something out of her pocket. She holds it up for me. _Myka's note..._

I look down at her quickly._ I hid that last night before I went to bed- under my mattress. How did she find it?_

"I found it when I was hiding." She states. I panic- _she's going to want me to throw it away_. "You should call her."

_Have I ever been more wrong about someone's reaction? _"What?"

"You should call her" Christina repeats emphasizing each word.

"But she works for them." I say. _Why am I trying to talk myself out of this- I want to see Myka- I do._

"That doesn't necessarily mean she's bad."

"But-"

"Mother-" she sits up and with an amused smile "Are you afraid?"

"No of course not" I defend quickly "I just thought..."

She laughs "You are!"

"No I'm not!" I insist.

"Then call her." She challenges.

"Ok, I will!" I huff standing up and grabbing the phone. "What's the number?"

She hands me the piece of paper.

I dial and put the phone to my ear._ I'm so nervous right now I think going to be sick. _But Christina is watching me with the most excited expression, so I don't hang up- I just brace myself for what's excepted to be an...interesting conversation.

The phone stops ringing and she picks up "Hello?"

"Um Hello Myka?" I greet hesitantly "It's Emily."


	19. Phone calls and Dinner

Chapter 19

_Ok so this is a really long chapter for me so I hope you enjoy it!_

* * *

The phone stops ringing and she picks up "Hello?"

"Um Hello Myka?" I greet hesitantly "It's Emily."

I can just see her biting her lip and twirling her hair "Oh- Hi"

"I um- I was wondering if-" Christina nods encouragingly. "I was wondering if- if"

The words won't come to me. _Why won't the words come to me! The words always come to me! Its one of my best skills- I always know what to say and how to say it. I never draw a blank! _

"Yes?" Myka asks sounding confused.

"I was wondering if- if"

Christina realizes whats going on and mouths, "I was wondering if you'd like to have dinner sometime."

I shoot my daughter a grateful look and repeat "I was wondering if you'd like to have dinner sometime?"

There's a long pause. _Shes going to say no- this was stupid- I shouldn't have called- What was I thinking- in what **universe** would she want even consider-_

"Ok" she says, cutting of my inner ramblings. "I would love to."

A wide smile breaks out across my face. "Really?"

"Really." She laughs a little._  
_

There's another pause.

"Now ask her when she's free" Christina whispers.

"So when are you free?" I ask.

"I'm free tomorrow." She suggests.

"Tomorrow?"

Christina gives me the thumbs up.

"Tomorrow's good" I tell her. _Where to go, Where to go...Oh I know-_ "Uhhh there's a diner here in Cheyenne..."

"Perfect." She says quickly, "I mean- Yeah, that would be good."

"Ill text you the address and we can meet around 7:00" I say gaining my confidence back. "Does that sound good?"

She barely gives me time to finish."Yes"

"Good- then I'll see you there."

"Yes you will." She states.

This is normally where we would say goodbye, but neither one of us is speaking.

_We've only been talking for a minute- it's not long enough. __I don't want her to go- not yet._

Christina raises her eyebrows and grins at me amused, "Goodbye Myka" she mouths.

I hesitate, but give in "Goodbye Myka" I repeat softly.

"Goodbye."

And then I hang up.

I stare at the phone for a minute and then look up at Christina. "Did I really just do that?"

She nods, "Yes you did"

"Oh my goodness." I breath, setting the phone down.

My hands are shaking- so many emotions are running through me- excitement, affection, fear. "I haven't felt this nervous since the first time you came to my room."

"You were nervous?" She almost giggles.

I open my mouth in shock- _is she making fun of me? _"Well of course I was!" I start playfully appalled. "My favorite student, who I had still yet to have a conversation with, came up to my desk and asked for help after class- when she in fact needed no help what so ever I might add- How could I have not been terrified!"

She brings her hand to her mouth and giggles again.

"Alright, go right ahead and laugh- but I know you were nervous too."

"Well of course I was!" She sounds exactly like me, except the accent, for now that's all hers "Do you know how terribly awkward it was for me to ask my teacher- who was actually my mother but didn't know it- if she could help me with homework when, like you said, I didn't need any help!"

This time I'm the one that laughs.

"Not to mention I have to sit in class everyday and listen to you speak with that American accent- My god Charles is never going to let you hear the end of it!"

I shake my head "Why **did** they make me American?"

"Convenience most likely." She shrugs "The regents are stationed in the States."

"...So where am I really from?"

"Well you're from England." She states heading for the couch. "London to be more exact."

"Alright London, England" I repeat sitting down next to her. "What about family?"

"You have three older brothers."

"Three?" I say in disbelief.

"Yes- Joseph, Edward and of course Charles."

"Their names are..." I begin looking for the right word.

"Old Fashioned?" She tries.

"Exactly."

"You're parents are old-fashioned sort of people."

"They're still alive too?" I ask happily. They told me all my family was dead.

"Sort of- yes"

"What does that mean?"

"I can't really say..."

I wave my hand dismissively "Ok then lets talk about Charles, and Wolly- Oh and Cateranga! "

"What do want to know exactly?"

"Well first off, why did you and Charles move to Wyoming?"

She breaks eye contact with me, "Charles actually doesn't live here..."

"What?- Then where have you been living for the past three months?"

"Well I don't exactly live here ether..."

_This is too crazy._ "You expect me to believe you fly across the ocean everyday after school?"

"No I don't fly" she scratches her neck "I can't really explain it to you..."

"It's alright" I say,_ I'll know someday._ "you've already told me a lot."

"Yes well you can know some things... I mean knowing the names of your brothers won't change anything but me explaining where they all are is another thing."

I lean back and sigh "My life was this complicated before Emily Lake, wasn't it?"

"Oh more than you could imagine."

* * *

"Do I look ok?" I ask for the twentieth time as I anxiously fidget with my jacket.

"Mother, you look beautiful" She rolls here eyes and stills my hands."Don't worry."

"Alright, alright" I start to move my hand towards my neck, but at the last second I remember there's nothing there and run my hand through my hair. She notices the gesture but doesn't comment. "And you're sure you'll be fine here alone?"

"I'm sure." She says, with a laugh. I've asked that questions at least 20 times also.

"Just make sure you don't leave the apartment, and don't open the door for anyone-"

"Mother I'll be fine" she smiles, handing me my purse and ushering me to the door. "I know Kempo"

I stop. "I don't know what that is- What is that?"

"It's a form of martial arts" she sighs and continues walking me.

Again I stop abruptly "Wait- did I feed Dickens?"

"I fed him" she assures me "Now no more dawdling!"

"But what about-"

"I'll take care of it." She cuts me off.

"You don't even know what I was going to say."

"Yes but I know whatever it was it doesn't matter- because you're leaving right now or else you'll be late- and we both know how punctual you are."

"Ok ok-I'm going I'm going" I say as she pushes me towards the exit.

I go to turn the handle."Just be careful alright."

"I will" she assures me.

I open the door "Now I should be back around 10? I think, I don't know I've never done this before."

"You take as long as you need." She tells me "And have fun."

I pull her into a hug and kiss her head, "Ill try."

"That's not good enough- say 'I **will** have a good time, Christina.'"

"Alright fine" I step into the hall "I **will** have a good time, Christina"

"Now say Goodbye."

"Goodbye" I repeat.

She nods satisfied. "Goodbye Mother."

"You know you call me mum right?"

She scrunches up her nose "I prefer Mother- Now go!"

"Ok ok" I walk down the hallway and hear the door close behind me.

I'm thankful she was so pushy- without it I probably wouldn't have gone through with this.

* * *

I frantically tap my fingers on the wheel, as I wait for yet another stoplight to turn green. I swear whoever controls these things is doing this on purpose. I've had to stop at every intersection so far.

The light turns green. _Finally._

I arrive at the diner, park the car and try to force myself to get out but I can't.

I look at the clock. **6:57.** I tell myself I won't go in until 7:00- but honestly even I'm not that punctual, I'm obviously stalling.

**6:58**

I look through the front window to see if Mykas already here. And of course she is. _I feel guilty_. She's siting in a booth on the right, looking impossibly lonely as she plays with some flowers set on the table for decoration. I let my eyes wander down the side of her face to her mouth where she, as excepted, is biting her bottom lip. Then I look up a little at her long dark hair... Now it may just be that I've spent so much time with Christina, but I think I would love Myka's hair curly rather than straight.

**6:59**

I take a second and try to calm down my rapidly beating heart. _You got this- you got this._

I step out of car and somehow make it to the diner door without tripping. _Stay clam. _I take a deep breath and walk through the door straight to the table.

"Hello" I smile sliding in. "Sorry I'm late" I'm not late, but she was early so anyway you look at it she was waiting.

"Don't be sorry- I was early." She explains, bringing her hands to rest in her lap. "I have a thing about being on time"

"Me too" I say, happy to have something in common with her. Then I remember I just apologized for being late...There's an awkward pause "So where are you from?" I ask.

_Really- 'Where are you from?' could you sound any more cliché._

She doesn't seem to notice though, she just answers the question. "Colorado springs- my parents own a book store there" She says a little too fast. _At least she's as nervous as I am._

"That must have been fun, growing up with all those books." I pause and think about my students "Unless you don't like to read..."

"Oh no" she says. "I love books and I love to read."

_As if she couldn't get any better._

"Me too" I sit up a little,"I actually teach Literature down at the high school."

She's surprised by this "Really? You're a teacher?"

I nod, almost proudly.

"So was that one of your students at your apartment the other day?"

My smile fades- _that's a regent question._ "Yes" I say cautiously.

She notices my hesitation and changes the subject. "So how long have you been a teacher?"

I almost say three months but then I remember I was supposed to be a teacher before this. "I have no idea"

"Ok?" She tilts her head confused.

"Oh I umm was in an accident" I begin slowly, unsure of what to say next. "Lost my memory" I laugh.

_Smooth, five minutes in and you're already telling her that you were in an accident, which is probably one of the most personal things you could tell a person._

_Then again wasn't she supposed to have already know that?_

"I'm sorry" She says genuinely "That must be awful."

"I'm learning to adjust..." I say.

"Are your umm- Are your memories coming back?" She asks, bringing her arms to rest on the table. She's biting her lip again.

I don't think she knows. There was no deceit in that question. I mean I can see the regents not telling their employee the whole story- it's what they do, lie.

I shake my head "Actually no... None of my memories have come back."

I can't tell if she's happy I'm not accepting my new life or sad that I can't remember my old life.

"Well actually..." I start, considering telling her something little.

I think back to my dreams. _What always came with her laugh?_

"Yes?" She's on the edge of her seat.

I look her in the eye knowingly, "Post-it's." I simply say. A radiant smile breaks out across her face and suddenly I'm addicted. From now on I'm going to everything I can to see her smile like that.

"What about them?"

_Well that back fired. _"I don't remember..." the smile fades a little. "But I know they're significant"

The smile is back "It's a start."

And it was the start. The start of the most easy conversing, intelligent book speaking, blush filled, heart pounding dinner I've ever had. I made her laugh that laugh- that laugh I'd heard in my head all day every day and in my dreams every night for months. Though, seeing it in person, seeing her eyes light up and a look of pure joy on her face, is so much better.

We just finished eating, and I'm in the middle of a sentence, when all of sudden she stands up- I stop talking and immediately my heart sinks. _Is she leaving? But everything was going so well- better than well actually._

"Do you mind if I-" she gestures to the open space next me.

_Oh! That's what she's doing!_"No- Of course not." I say quickly, becoming just as nervous as I was when this night started.

She slides in next to me. I stop breathing and I feel the heat rising in my cheeks to form a blush. She smiles at it and moves a little closer, there's two inches separating us, of course it might as well be two light years. Out of no where, I feel the urge to wrap my arms around her.

I resist though. She speaks and by the sound of her voice I can tell she feels the same way "Please continue."

And I do. My nerves fade, and once again there's no one else sitting at any other tables, there aren't any waiters walking around- its just us.

Ive had a ridiculous grin on my face the entire time. She's beautiful in every way possible- the way she looks away modestly after I compliment her, the way her emerald eyes sparkle when she talks about the things she loves, the way she lightly smiles at the little things I say about books and all my newfound crazy theories I didn't even know I had until tonight. You'd think after Christina told me that I was a writing, inventing genius that ideas would have begun popping in my head randomly but sadly they hadn't. That was until now, Myka broke through whatever barrier was stopping them and now their out of control. She listened in awe of every one of my thoughts- invisibility, stun guns, time travel, everything seems within reach- and it's all because of her.

There is only one moment tonight that I wish I could take back- Just now when I looked at my clock.

**10:00**

"Oh..." I sigh a little still staring at my phone. _Christina..._

"Is something wrong?" She asks.

"Oh umm..." I look up at those captivating green eyes and for the umpteenth time tonight I'm rendered speechless "I-umm"

Her face falls a little as she somehow reads my mind "Have to be getting home?"

"I'm sorry"

"Oh Emily don't worry about" she says sincerely "I'd actually better be hitting the road also."

"Oh right- South Dakota. That's a long drive." I say, glancing down at my hands.

She nods but doesn't move to leave.

I look up and she makes a point to catch my eyes again.

At the beginning of the night, when she looked in my eyes they were searching- searching to see if the old me was still somewhere in my head.

After she realized that it really **was** me (whoever I am)- after she's talked to me and spent time with me- She looks at me different. Not different in a bad way- quite the opposite actually. When Myka looks in my eyes she sees right into my soul. She can see my hopes, my fears, my **everything.** I've never felt more exposed and strangely I've never felt more cared for.

**Crash!**

We both jerk our heads in the other direction- a waiter just dropped a, thankfully, empty tray.

I check my clock again.

**10:15**

_Had we really been staring at each other for that long?_

"We should get going." She says sliding out.

I follow her "Yes of course."

We walk to the door in silence, I make sure to open it for her. She thanks me quietly and steps through, were met with a blast of cold air.

We both stop once were a couple of steps down the side-walk. She turns to me. And again, for a moment, there are no words.

"I had wonderful time Myka" I say.

"Me too." I can tell her heart is beating faster "We should do it again some time."

"Definitely" I take a step closer to her "We most definitely will do this again sometime."

She smiles and I savor it knowing this will be the last one I see for a while.

"How about next Saturday?" She asks, her eyes never leaving mine.

"Not soon enough." I state all of a sudden very aware of the distance between us- were closer than we were in the booth.

"You are very impatient aren't you."

I grin, "Just another one of my flaws."

A gust of wind blows around us and a piece of my hair ends up in my face.

I reach my hand up to move it- it's blocking my view of Myka- but before I get there another hand is tentatively placing it back behind my ear.

I don't say a word. But my insides are burning. _How does she do that- with one touch she can take down all my defenses, leaving me absolutely vulnerable._

She removes her hand and place it back in her pocket, suddenly embarrassed. "Sorry."

I gently pull her hand out of the pocket and slip it into mine."Don't apologize."

She doesn't pull away. Again she just looks at me.

I smile softly. Our hands fit perfectly. I can tell she's thinking the same thing.

_I can't believe I was ever nervous._

"What about next Friday?" she asks.

I lightly draw circles on her hand "That's sounds marvelous darling."

She bites her lip to hold back a grin. _Darling...Christina reacts strangely to it also, I must have really said it a lot._

"Same place, same time?" She breaths.

I nod. "I'll be counting the seconds."

She laughs a little "Ever the writer."

My smile drops- _I didn't tell her about that._

She realizes her slip and immediately tries to recover from it. "Emily I'm so sorry- I-"

I know if I think about it I won't do it. So I don't think about it, I just do it.

I lean over and kiss her check. Her skin is soft, and intoxicating. I stay there for a least a second longer than I should.

I pull back slowly. Her face is red "Don't worry Myka" I say sweetly squeezing her hand "I actually love that you know me better than I know myself." She remains frozen, still in shock. "And I hope one day I'll be allowed to return the action."

Her blush deepens.

I squeeze her hand again "Goodbye Agent Bering." I whisper.

Then I turn and walk towards my car. Very aware that she hasn't moved and that a small smile is just starting to emerge on her face.

I get in the car, start the engine, and head home. Replaying everything from tonight over and over again.


	20. The deal with memories

_Chapter 20_

* * *

_It would take a very strong power source._

_Yes- but it's possible. With the right wiring and engineering-_

_How would you use it though?_

_Well I could put it in the form of a vest._

"Mother!" Christina says loudly, breaking my train a thought.

I look up from the physics book I just started reading. "Yes darling?"

"Interesting book?" She asks with an amused smile.

"What?" I tilt my head.

She shakes her head,"I said your name a least ten times"

"Oh I'm sorry- I was just caught up in my thoughts."

"Oh?" She sets down her book, stands up, and comes over to my seat. Leaning over she glances at my reading material. "And what, may I ask, are you thinking about?"

"It's nothing" I say.

She stands up straight and nods, "Right- Nothing."

I shift to face at her "And what is that supposed to mean."

"Nothing." She shrugs.

"Christina" I warn.

She smiles "It's just that whatever the regents did to you may not be strong as I imagined."

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"I'm no sure yet..."

I stay quiet for a moment. _Is she trying to say I may get my memory back?_

* * *

I just finished making a sandwich when-

**Ring! Ring!**

"Christina will you get that?" I say loudly.

"Really?" Is the response I hear from the other.

I roll my eyes "Yes **really**- If you talk in an American accent you sound just like me."

"Righty ho then" she mumbles before clearing her throat. The phone stops ringing "Hello?" I hear. _Perfect._

"Oh Myka!"

I'm out of the kitchen in a flash. "Give me the phone" I whisper holding out my hand.

She moves away from me, smirking, and shakes her head "Mhhmm."

I lunge for her again "Christina!"

She quickly runs into the other room.

"That sounds wonderful" she says as I follow her over my bed and out the door again.

I chase her in circles, through the kitchen around the table over the bed again. Somehow she manages, the entire time, to keep up the conversation without giving any indication of the situation in her voice.

"Christina!" I fiercely say again- _it's times like these when I wish I knew her full name._

"Ok- I'll see you there, Goodbye Myka" she hangs up the phone with a satisfied grin and hands it to me. "Here you go."

My eyes go wide "I can't believe you just did that!"

"You told me to answer it." She says innocently.

I glare at her for a moment. The ultimate stare down. Furious mother verse devious daughter. I could win if I hadn't just remembered she's the one that knows what Myka said to me. And I **really** want to know what that is. So I gave in. "Just tell me what she said."

Christina smiles and sits down on the couch. "Well, you're meeting her at the ice cream shop in an hour-"

"An hour!" I interrupt. _Isn't__ that too soon- we only had dinner four days ago. _

_Then again, I have wanted to see her every day since..._

"Yes an hour." Christina nods "And then you're going to the park-"

"The park!" I exclaim completely aware she's getting annoyed.

"Yes- the park**. **Most likely to walk around, maybe sit on a bench- you know park stuff-"

"Park stuff?" I interrupt again.

She gives me that look- the look I know well (mainly because its mine) "Yes- park stuff" she says shortly.

"Is that all she said?"

"Yep." her bright tone is back "I suggest you go get ready."

I don't waste a second- I run to my room- I only have twenty minutes to get ready after all- At the last second I turn around "We are not through talking about this." I say. Which is code for 'You're in **so** much trouble later.'

She sighs in defeat "Yes ma'am."

I smile and step in my room. _I'm pretty good at this parenting thing._

* * *

Last time I was nervous- this time I'm just excited.

I walk out of my room exactly twenty minutes later to find Christina sitting on my desk playing with a pen- also changed, ready to go. Which was strange because she isn't going anywhere.

"And where are you going?" I ask pulling my keys out of my purse.

"I'm going with you" she states.

I come over to her, my anger about the phone thing for a while forgotten. "I don't think so."

"Oh don't worry- Myka won't even see me." She waves it off. "Besides- someone has to keep her a secret from the regents."

"What do you mean?"_  
_

"If I don't go they'll find out about Myka." She explains.

I lean against the wall with sigh of realization "So that's why they know nothing about you."

She grins, "Did you really think their surveillance was that bad?"

"The thought had crossed my mind."

She laughs "Oh no- the regents are very good at what they do."

I move to sit on the desk with her. "Oh they are, are they? Then how do you keep up with them."

She looks over at me with raised eyebrows. "Are you asking me to spill my secrets?"

"Perhaps" I shrug.

She considers it for a moment before giving in. "Alright two reasons- one, I'm extremely stealthy, something I inherited from you by the way- and two they trained me, so of course I know how they work." She hops of the table and goes to the door. "Now we'd better get going- we don't want to be late now do we."

She walks out without another word. Leaving me in absolute shock. _They trained her! What?_

"Christina!" I yell running out the door. I catch up with her at the elevator. "What do you mean they trained you?"

"I don't want to talk about it" she mumbles, her normal air of confidence gone.

I watch as she presses the button and casts her gaze down at the floor.

Thats how this always works- one word about the nightmares or something todo with them and instantly she's depressed. It's how she used to act when she talked about me before I knew it was me she was talking about.

It's times like these when I realize just how much there is that I still I don't know. How much they took away from me. What could I have possibly done to deserve this. To deserve to stand next to my daughter and not have a clue whats happened in her life. To not remember the first time I held her, her first word, her first step. Every bruised knee or crazy childlike fantasy I was there to witness. To not be able to see how much she's grown, the things she's overcome- the things she's still working through...

She's traumatized by some incident I still know nothing about. I mean if I knew, I could help her- I could stop the suffering she's going through. But the point is I don't know. I don't know anything because of them! And now I find out they trained her? How am I even supposed to process this? Did I ask them to or something and then she came back broken? Is it my fault she's haunted by this terrible event? Is it my fault that my little girl, my Christina, can't sleep at night?

Suddenly I feel a hand on my arm. "It's not your fault." I snap out of my trance.

"Its not your fault." She repeats insistently, gripping my arm a little tighter.

I look into her eyes, the eyes I failed to realize we're mine for three months. Seeing them now I can't believe I was so blind- _no wonder everyone thought she was my daughter._

"Did you hear me?" She asks firmly. "It's not your fault."

I nod- all of a sudden aware of the tears welling in my eyes.

_It's not your fault._

The elevator door dings and we step out. The tears in my eyes don't go away. _It's not your fault. It's not your fault. _I'm not going to let them fall, not here. We make it to my car and she stops me again.

"You know you always used to tell me crying wasn't a bad thing." She whispers.

I don't turn to her, I don't look back in those eyes. I'm not going to let her see me vulnerable- I'm supposed to be strong. I have to be strong. I have to set an example.

I must be doing terribly at it though if she can so easily read my emotions.

"You also used to say love was the only emotion you couldn't cover up." She smiles lightly.

I just keep staring at the car.

She steps in front of me, probably wondering why I'm still in a daze "Mother?"

She's sounds so innocent. To me she is innocent. But I can't help think of how many secrets she carries around. Secrets she doesn't want me to know. Like how, despite the mask, she's still a teenager trying to find her place. How she wishes desperately that she had someone her own age who was on the same level as her. How she has to think through everything she says so she doesn't slip and tell me something about my old life. Secrets like how much she hates not having all of me here. How she's hates being a child who can't sleep peacefully at night without her mother-

_She can't sleep at night-_

_No- It's not your fault._

I quickly pull her towards me, holding her as close as possible. Her arms wrap around me and immediately she buries her face in my shoulder.

I'm glad hugging me isn't embarrassing for her yet- I don't know what I'd do if she didn't let me hold her.

Of course it just breaks my heart even more, when she's wrapped up in my arms like this, to know she's been caring around whatever terrible happened to her for who knows how long- not trusting anyone to help her with it. She's never going to be able to work past this if she doesn't tell someone- and I'm not saying she doesn't have a wonderful relationship with Charles but...**I** need to be the one she tells. It sounds selfish, I know, but I'm her **Mother **nobody loves her more than I do.

"You have to tell me." I say softly moving down so that I'm eye level with her. Gently I push a piece of hair behind her ear and cup her face. "I'm your Mother, Christina. And even though I may not remember the first time I held you in my arms and everything about you that followed- you are still **my** **precious** baby girl. And nothing will ever change that. I love you more than life itself. I would do absoultuly anything for you darling- anything." I pause and try to even my voice. "Christina, seeing you in pain is the worst kind touture I could ever experience. Which is why I'm going to help you get past whatever happened, Alright? But I can't do that if don't tell me. Ok? Christina, darling, you **have** to tell me."

Tears are streaming down her face, her eyes are red and she's shaking slightly. Nodding fiercely she throws her arms back around me "I will- I promise."

Closing my eyes I squeeze her a little tighter and smile a smile of relief and joy.

"Mummy!" a little girls squeal comes from the back of my head.

Suddenly my knees go weak and I feel myself about to collapse.

A bright smiling child with impossibly curly hair flashes in front of my eyes.

"Mummy stop!" She laughs her arms pushing against the hands on her stomach.

"You have to say please." My voice says playfully as I continue tickling the toddler in the odd Victorian baby dress.

"Mummy please!" She giggles still flapping her arms and legs.

I stop but she continues laughing. It takes me a second to realize I'm laughing also. Quickly she's standing up on the old timey bed were laying on and jumping on top me. "Your turn." She squeals as she starts to mimicking my earlier actions.

"Christina!" I laugh as her tiny fingers try to tickle me. I grab her hands lightly and roll her back over.

"That's not fair." She complains with a pout.

"Well someday you'll be big enough to pin me down love- then it will be fair."

She bites her lip and looks past me for a second obviously trying to keep from giggling again.

"Or she can just call her marvelous Uncle to come and save her." A familiar mans voice comes from behind me. I feel two hands grab my waist and flip me over again. He has a mustache and is also dressed in 19th century clothing.

"Charles!" I scream as he begins to tickle me, and of course the now free Christina joins in. I feel my hair fall out of the up-do it was in and my feet kick against a long dress. "Charles stop it!"

"Oh not a chance!" He laughs.

"Not a chance Mummy!" Christina mimics, crawling back onto me.

Suddenly, I'm jerked back to reality.

"Mother!" Todays Christina says frantically attempting to keep me on my feet. I feel her hand go into my purse and my car beep. She opens the door and sets me down inside.

I shake my head "What on earth?" I mutter.

I catch her eyes go wide "Mother?" She whispers.

I sit up a little and blink rapidly as my brain catches up with the situation.

A minute later and I'm back to normal. "What was that?" I ask.

"I have no idea."

I think about it for a minute. "A memory" I say. A wide grin breaks out across my face "It was a memory!"

"A memory?" She says in disbelief. "What kind of memory?"

"Well Charles was there and you were three years old- My goodness you were the most adorable little girl!" I gush ecstatically.

She smiles "Why thank you."

I don't speak for a moment as I replay the scene in my head.

I notice her smile begin to fade and I snap back. "Darling, whats wrong?"

She shakes her head. "Oh nothing- its just your accent was back for a moment there" she says."I thought-"

"You thought I was back." I say.

She nods sadly but soon her smile returns "But I'm happy you remembered something"

"Me too."

Now I have a choice- either stay here and try to decipher this wonderful memory or save the deciphering for later and go see Myka.

The choice is clear.

I get out of he passenger seat she set me in and kiss her head. "Alright lets go."

"Go where?" She asks confused.

"To see Myka" I say sliding in on the left.

"We're still going?"

"Well of course were still going! I've been wanting to see Myka all week and one memory resurfacing is not reason enough to cancel!"

"But Mother you need to be looked over first- you almost fainted." She insist.

"Oh and I suppose we can just tell the doctor to not bother telling the regents I remembered something" I say sarcastically. "That is unless you have a degree in the medical field."

She forces a small laugh "Of course not- that would be ridculous." She quickly looking away, avoiding my eyes.

I freeze. _There's no way..._

"You're right lets just go- I'm sure you're fine." She smiles nervously.

"Oh we so not through with this conversation." I tell her, starting the engine.

She sighs closing the car door, "I know."


	21. New Discoveries

_Chapter 21_

_I want to say thank you so much to everyone who's reviewed- they've been amazing!_

_Also, just a heads up, this is another long chapter! :)_

* * *

"So how are you going to do this?" I ask, once we're at the ice cream shop.

"Oh I have my ways." She smiles, pulling a strange belt out of a bag I just realized she had. It's leather with a least a centimeter of machine sticking out. Multiple wires are weaved throughout the piece and the knobs and dials scattered across it only add to the steam punk theme.

I hesitate eyeing the device carefully, "I don't have to be worried right?"

She slips the belt (if you can even call it that) around her waist "No worries- this thing is harmless."

"What does it do?"

"You'll see soon enough" she says politely "Now, if you would, go ahead and step out of the car."

I comply, mostly out of curiosity.

She crawls over the middle console and into my seat. Quickly I glance around, making sure no one's watching.

"Ready?" She asks.

"Ready."

_Honestly- it's a belt what could it do?_

She glances down to place her fingers over the two largest buttons on the contraption. She looks back up at me and presses them. In an instant she's gone.

"Invisibility" I gasp, _I was theorizing about that this morning. "_But I-"

"Relax" her voice says with a laugh "It was your idea I just tweaked it."

My mouth drops, "I invented this?"

"Yes you did." I hear two feet hit the ground next to me.

I squint my eyes in an attempt to see at least a glimpse of...something. But she's completely gone. "And what did you use for the power source?"

"Anti-matter."

"Where on earth did you find that?" I pry.

"Oh look here comes Miss Bering!" She says suddenly and I jerk my head to see the side walk. Sure enough there's Myka walking towards the shop. "You don't want to be seen talking to nothing, do you?."

"You're right." I say stepping back to close the door. I stop at the last second though- I don't want to crush her "Are you out of the way?"

There's a tap in my shoulder. "Oh!" I jump and turn around.

_Myka._

"Who are you talking to?" She asks amused.

"Oh-" I glance back at the door "No one."

"Ok?" She smiles a little confused. Confused or not though, it's still her smile._  
_

I grin back almost dumbly, "Alright."

_Please be gone- Please be gone._ I close the door carefully, half expecting to hear Christina yelp.

Thankfully she doesn't and I sigh in relief.

"Everything ok? " Myka inquires.

I nod and try to do away with my odd behavior. "Never better."

She doesn't buy it. "Are you sure? You did sound a little weird on the phone..."

_Well of course I did- it wasn't me!_ I am happy though that she noticed something was off- Christina's impersonation could fool even me. "I'm sure."

"Good." She smiles.

Now is the time we should be heading for the store but she caught my eye again when she smiled that smile, so the chance of me moving anytime soon is slim.

My heart, as expected, is beating faster in anticipation. _I have the whole afternoon to spend with her- its only 12:30 after all. _The thought sends my confidence level soaring. _A lot can happen in one afternoon._ Things like me getting lost in those seas of green over and over again- or her blushing furiously every time I comment on how absolutely **breathtaking** she is.

Nobody has ever made me feel this way- nobody's ever looked at me the way she does. Not even in my old life. It's a feeling I can't explain. Just like I can't explain how I know there will **never** be anyone else like Myka Bering.

I realize that's rather presumptuous considering this is only my second date with her but honestly I couldn't care less.

She glances away, breaking the spell "We should head inside."

"Of course."

* * *

"I don't usually eat sugar." She states out of no where before taking a bite.

I laugh a little "Only on special occasions huh?"

She turns sideways on the path were walking on and grins at me deviously "Only on **very** special occasions."

I do a small bow "I'm honored."

She begins walking straight again "Speaking of special occasions- how was your Thanksgiving?"

_Thanksgiving? Oh goodness that was yesterday I completely forgot! _"Fine." I say with a shrug, trying to sound honest. I don't like lying to Myka.

I must have sounded too distanced though because she called me on it "Fine?" She repeats.

"Well-" _Don't give anything away._ "I don't have any living relatives and I don't have any friends..." _And I'm not really American.  
_

"What?" She's stops walking and steps in front of me shocked.

"What?" I ask. _Is it really that big of a deal? I just told her I don't have any friends or family... Ok, I can see how that's a big deal._

"But you're you." She stutters. "The charm you senseless, witty, over-confident, genius, writer/inventor!"

I roll my eyes, "I'm sorry to disappoint you darling but I'm just english teacher."

"But you're so much more than that!" She exclaims desperately.

She obviously hasn't let it sink in that I'm not the old me. I don't mind though- being around the old me obviously made Myka very happy.

"What about that student?" She asks "She looked like she liked you- Are you close to her?"

I stiffen._ Did the regents tell her to ask me that? Is this whole thing a set up? _"She's just my student." I snap.

Myka pulls back "Sorry." She tries to hide her emotion but I hear the hurt in her voice.

_Great job **genius**. You made her sad!_

I sigh and throw my empty cup away "No no I'm sorry Myka. I had no reason to snap at you like that. Actually she and I are friends, in a way." _That's an understatement._ I hear Christina's voice say. "It's just- I'm her teacher, she's my student we aren't really supposed to be 'friends'"

She smiles. _Does that mean I'm forgiven?_ She gets rid of her own cup and prods further "But you are." _  
_

"You could say that."

"Ok then tell me about her." She encourages happily.

I'm silent. I would love to talk about Christina but she works for the Regents- _What if she's just a spy? What if this doesn't mean anything to her? _I run my hand through my hair. "Myka I need to ask you something."

She tilts her head "What is it?"

I lead her over to sit on a bench. With a deep breath I face her. "Are you only here because the regents told you to get information from me?"

She hops up quickly, "How do you know about them."

"Myka please- just answer the question." I plead standing up with her.

"Emily, you're not supposed to know-"

"I know I'm not but I do and if you're their spy or something I don't think we should continue seeing each other like this-"

"No. Don't say that" She cuts me off sharply and then adds softly. "I don't want to stop seeing you."

"But-"

"I'm not a spy, ok? I do work for them but not like that." She explains earnestly taking a step towards me.

I stare at her for a moment "And you won't tell them anything about me?"

"I won't even tell them I've seen you." She says "I promise."

I know she's telling the truth and that fills me with unimaginable happiness. _She **wants** to be here._ Now I'm just thinking about the way she said 'I don't want to stop seeing you'. Does she feel the same way about me? Does her skin feel like it's on fire when she stands next to me? Do my eyes make her want to drown in them? Does her heart flutter every time **I** smile? Does my laugh echo through her dreams at night? Does she adore me as much as I adore her?

I reach for her hand. Our fingers mold together as perfectly as they did the other night "You're absolutely stunning." I say quietly.

She bites her lip, trying to cover the grin on her face. "You're not so bad yourself."

I move a step closer and squeeze her hand. "Is it ok if I hold your hand like this?" I ask allowing myself to glance at those lips for only a second.

She blushes and my heart skips a beat. "It's better than ok." She whispers honestly.

I glance down and lightly run my thumb back and forth on the back of her hand "And if I kissed your check again..." I look back up at her. "Would that also be ok?"

She nods slowly.

I don't hesitate. I lean over and place my lips on her perfect face. The quick peck I intended it to be soon turns into, more than a couple, lingering kisses and it takes all the self-control I have not to move over a simple inch and a half... If her cheek tastes this amazing I can't even imagine how delicious her lips would be.

I can hear her let out a shaky breath "Emily." It's not warning, quite the opposite actually...

I leave one last loving press on her face and move my head back to look her in the eyes again "Myka." I say softly.

She lets out another breath, "How do you do that?"

Again I'm lost in her emerald eyes "Do what?"

"Make me feel..." She trails off leaning her head forward. Then **her** lips touch **my** cheek and I know exactly what she's trying to say.

My eyes close as I focus on that warmth spreading from my face to to the rest of my body. She doesn't stay there nearly long enough.

"Just like that." I sigh.

She blushes again and I can tell her instincts are saying look away but she doesn't move.

"I'm sorry I doubted you." I say rubbing circles on her hand.

She glances down at my action."You had a reason too- it's alright."

"You're sure?" I keep my voice hushed.

"Positive."

She gracefully sits back down, making a point for me to sit next to her- **right** next to her. Meaning no space between us at all.

It takes a minute for me to get over the feel of her figure pressed against the side of mine, but some how I do it.

"Now tell me about this wonderful student of yours." She nudges me slightly with her shoulder.

"Oh where to begin..."

I tell her everything about Christina. Of course when I say everything I mean I told her about all her amazing qualities, not that she's my daughter or that she was trained by the regents. Some things still need to stay in the dark.

Myka listens quietly with a content smile on her face. She doesn't stop me half way through and say I'm rambling and she doesn't question why I'm bragging on a student I've only known for three months.

"She sounds like you." Myka decides once I've finished.

"Yes I suppose she is, a little." I lie uncomfortably.

"I don't think I could do it." She says.

"Do what?" I ask.

"Teach kids." she explains, "I mean how do you do that?"

I laugh, "Well not successfully I assure you- most of my students can't stand me."

She shakes her head "I'm sure they love you- teenagers just don't like to learn any more, its nothing personal. Besides I know for a fact you're great with kids no matter what the age."

"Oh I am? And how do you know that?"

It's a least the tenth time she's let something about the old me slip. But this is the first time I said something about it.

She brings her hand to her head "Emily, I'm sorry."

"Myka I told you before I don't mind" I assure her squeezing her hand. "Now tell me why you think I'm so great with children."

She freezes "Oh uh-"

I hold back a grin. She looks absolutely adorable when she's flustered. _I'll get her to tell me I have a daughter someday..._

Out of no where a drop of water falls on her cheek. We both look up to see a dark cloud stretching out across the sky.

"I didn't even notice..." Myka trails off and in seconds it's pouring down rain. Both of us hop up immediately and run for the nearest shop covering. And of course the nearest store is all the way across the park.

We sprint through slushy wet grass and quickly forming mud. Occasionally flinching at the loud booms of thunder and bright flashes of lightning.

By the time were under a porch awning both of us are soaked and freezing.

My first thought is Christina.

"Oh my gosh!" Myka exclaims shivering. "That came out of no where."

I nod absently, desperately squinting through the storm looking for another running figure.

"What's that?" Myka asks pointing in the opposite direction.

I jerk my head to see the rain drops bouncing off a moving space. _That darn invisibility._In an instant I'm out from under the covering and meeting my currently see through daughter. Once I feel her next to me I put my hands where I expect to be her waist. Finding the two buttons she used to turn the device on I press them and she appears in front of to me.

We both come it back to a stunned Myka. "What?" She manages.

Christina laughs and pushes a damp curl out of her face. "Well that was unexpected" The accent is gone.

"Are you alright?" I ask anxiously leaning down to inspect her face, making sure she's not hurt in any way.

"Emily I'm fine" she smiles "It's just a bit of rain."

"Everyone just hold on a minute!" Myka says loudly over the storm. "What in the world is going on?"

Christina and I glance at each other. 'Be honest- but not too honest' I say silently.

I put my hands on my daughters shoulders, "Myka this is Chrissy, the girl I was telling you about. She's staying with me over the break while her uncle is on a business trip."

Christina sticks out her hand "It's a pleasure to officially meet you Ms. Bering. Emily's told me a lot about you."

Myka shakes it hesitantly "Likewise..."

"If you remember, we actually met briefly the other day at Emily's apartment."

"Oh yes." The beautiful agent nods. "You're the girl who briefly had possession of my partners gun."

"Oh goodness." Christina sighs. "You aren't going to arrest me, right?"

Myka laughs "No I'm not going to arrest you."

_Thank goodness they get along. _Suddenly I feel another chill run through me, and I remember we're standing in the middle of a raging thunderstorm storm.

"I hate to interrupt but- I'm freezing." I cut in reluctantly.

"Oh right- we should get going" Myka says. "It was very nice to see you again Emily I had a great time." She turns to Christina. "And it was wonderful to meet you Chrissy" Then, just like that, she begins to walk towards her car. _Is she really __leaving __without even saying goodbye properly? _

"Wait!" I catch up with her, thinking on my feet- a little rain is not going to cut this afternoon short "Don't tell me you're going to attempt to drive all the way back to South Dakota in this weather."

"Well I-" she tries.

"Do you know how dangerous that is?"

Myka starts again"I-"

I cut her off "Not to mention you should really get out of those clothes." I add perfectly aware of how it sounded no matter what I meant. She blushes the deepest shade of red yet. "You don't want to catch a cold." I explain.

She manages a laugh "Oh right- a cold."

I smile and place my hand back where it was five minutes ago. "You know- You look very beautiful when you blush." I say.

As if it was even possible her blush deepens. She recovers though and looks me in the eye "You look very beautiful when you are trying to make me blush."

I began to defend myself, to say I was doing no such thing, but she brings a finger to my lips, successfully stopping the words.

"Don't bother denying it- remember Miss Lake I know you very well."

I bring my free hand up to lightly grab her wrist, slowly I move her finger away. She watches my action intently, all of a sudden very quiet. I place a firm kiss on the back of her wet hand and let it too, rest in mine.

I don't know how long we stand there staring into each others eyes but I do know that its a loud clap of thunder and a lighting strike not one mile away they breaks the moment. We both jump in surprise and the grip I have on her tightens.

A second later she laughs.

"What is it?" I ask.

She shakes her head "You were scared."

"No I wa-" I began.

"Emily." she laughs again.

I pout, "I hardly think it fair to accuse me of that- considering **you** were absolutely terrified."

"I was not **terrified**." She defends.

"Oh yes you were."

"Was not."

"Was too." I shoot back.

Then her lips are on my cheek.

She pulls back as fast has she leaned forward. "Fine- I was scared but only for a second."

I can't help the dumb grin that spreads on my face. _Her lips are so soft._

I gain my composer and put on a serious face. "I really don't like the idea of you driving back in this storm."

"Alright- then what do you suggest?"

She knows exactly what I'm suggesting but this evil woman is going to make me say out loud anyways, just to mess with me.

I steady my voice "Well I live only ten minutes away- and I have a fresh set of cloths you can change into..." _That's all it took._

She smiles and nods "Okay." And after she squeezes my hands once more and let's go to head for her car. "I'll just follow you." She calls.

"Ok" I yell back with a thumbs up.

Then, turning around I head for my car but instead I'm met with one very smug Christina.

I completely forgot she was there. _Excellent_ _parenting you love struck idiot!_

"Well someone looks rather happy." She crosses her arms with a smirk.

"Oh be quite." I say as I start to walk.

"Very. **very**. happy." she punctuates every word firmly, shivering like crazy.

_Now I know what she's really getting at._ I slide into my seat with a sigh. _Here we go._

She gets in on the opposite side, slamming the door in the process "So happy in fact I think you forgot all about how **bloody** **freezing** **it is to stand in the middle of a ****freaking** **thunderstorm!**"

I almost say I'm sorry but then I remember something "Wait a minute- isn't that a **swear word** in England?" I ask sternly.

She lets out a huff and slumps in her seat "Kind of." She mumbles.

"Hmm" I start the car. "Did you really think you'd get away with that?"

"No" she sighs. "I'm sorry."

"And don't think I didn't hear that wonderful American teenager expression also."

"Ughh" she moans putting her head in her hands "Please don't tell Charles."

"I won't" I laugh. "Now if you're finished yelling I would love to talk about that impressive belt of yours."

"It has to be impressive- you invented it."

"Yes but is that one around your waist mine?"

"Well technically I built it, but you-"

"Nope- not what I asked" I say "I'm very impressed that you built that regardless of who came up with the design."

She sits up "Really?"

I love hearing that excitement in her voice "Yes, **really**."

"Thank you." She smiles.

"Your welcome."

She plays with her hands in her lap "And by the way I'm really happy about you and Ms. Bering - I've never seen you smile like that before."

"Really?" The childlike excitement is in my voice now.

"Really."

I glance in my review mirror at Myka driving behind me. Her eyes are focused on the road, _She looks gorgeous when she's focusing._

Christina leans back with a loud sigh. "I just have to figure out what I'm going to do for all of those **wonderful** hours you two will spend **gazing** into each others eyes..."

"Oh be quiet" I mutter playfully.

"Yes I suppose I could try that." She says pretending to be in thought "But it would get rather boring after awhile, don't you think?"

I roll my eyes, Great noes I'm having trouble for using on the word- what with my overly dramatic daughter on my right and one Myka Bering just sitting there in my rear view mirror, not to mention the thunderstorm. I'll be lucky not to crash.


	22. I'm not Emily Lake

_Chapter 22_

_Hey people who read this story! I just wanted to apologize for my crazy updating times and how they're kind of far apart:( Anyway that's it so enjoy the chapter!_

* * *

"We have to figure out a plan of action." Christina declares as we both stare through the back window of the car at the figure across the parking lot."He can't see Ms. Bering and he can't see me."

"What would you normally do in this situation?" I ask.

"Grappler gun and imperceptor belt-" She states.

"Grappler gun?" I interrupt.

"But it's raining too hard for the gun and I only have one belt."

"Well what else do you have in your bag?"

She turns to eye me carefully, "Mother, did you look in my bag?"

I shake my head "No."

Of course I don't mention I was seconds away from doing so when I stopped myself- she deserves her privacy.

"Alright." She looks back out the window "Sadly most of the items in my bag are for one persons use only..."

"Ok so what about-"

**Knock! Knock!**

We both jerk our heads to see Myka standing outside the car. She gives us a confused expression "What's going on?"

"Get her in!" Christina exclaims.

I point to the seat behind me and mouth "Get in."

Myka nods and does just that.

The rain hasn't let up, so she's dripping wet.

"What are you guys doing?" She asks.

We both turn to her, "Regents."

"What? Where?" She looks around "Why are they here?"

"I'm under their watch 24/7" I say "At least when they can find me- Chrissy isnvery good at evading their eye."

"You see that man out there?" My daughter asks Myka gesturing back out the window.

Myka shifts in her seat "He's a regent? How do you know?"

"He's standing in front of Emily's apartment in the middle of a thunderstorm. Either he's a regent or a crazy."

It's strange hearing her speak like a teenager again- I'd gotten used to the British, old-fashioned speaking Christina.

Myka understands the situation immediately,"And we can't be seen by him because they can't know I'm here."

"Exactly."

"Whats the plan then?" Myka asks.

Christina and I share a unsure glance.

"We don't have a plan yet" she says.

"Then that's where I come in."

"What?" Christina shakes her head "No. You're a secret service agent. These are the regents. They don't work in the way as you're used to."

Myka sits up straight "And whats makes you qualified?"

She opens her mouth to respond but quickly shuts it. My daughter sighs in defeat, "Nothing- I have no qualifications."

"Exactly, so here's the plan-"

"Actually Myka" I speak up, "I think I already have an idea."

Christina turns quickly to look at me "You do?"

"Oh darling don't act so surprised."

"Whats your idea?" Myka asks, sounding more curious than she should be. _Maybe it's just because I had the idea._

"Well why don't I just walk in and get him out of the way- after all he's looking for me. " I begin and Myka catches on instantly.

"And then all we have to do is come in after you." She finishes.

I nod and we both turn to Christina.

"It'll work." She states "We'll just have to avoid the eye of the apartment next to the elevator, but other than that..."

"Good job Emily" Myka congratulates.

I grin, "Thank you."

The smile spreading across her face is the smile I see when I talk about books and my other interest. You know stuff from my old life. _So us making plans together like this was something we did before... Did I work for the government too then?_

_I wish I could ask her..._

Mykas still gazing at me, that fleck of gold in her eyes radiant with her excitement.

She's smiling that smile. The one that reminds me she knows me better than myself-

"Ok go, before you look farther in her eyes!" Christina says urgently.

"But-" _But I don't want to go. I'd rather be staring at Myka then following through with this plan._

"No buts- go" she demands "I don't want to be stuck in here for another hour."

I glare at her but go ahead and get out, briefly catching Myka blushing furiously at Christina's statement.

I run for the door across the slippery parking lot with my head down._ I need to start carrying an umbrella._ I completely ignore that the regent is even there and head for the elevator.

Now that I think about it I'm a little scared about leaving Myka with Christina, however brief the time. Myka is a rule follower and her seeing me is breaking a rule. And Christina, as amazing as she is, can come on kind of strong- I don't want her to scare Myka off. Not to mention I don't want Myka to end up uncomfortable around Christina. _Ughh I shouldn't have left them alone. I need to be there to monitor._

**Ding!**

I step out into the hallway and walk, at a normal pace, to my door.

_Don't worry about it! There the two most important people to you in the whole world. They're going to get along. _I try to assure myself.

_But you don't know that! _The other side of me screams.

_Yes I do. And either way Christina is your daughter, if Myka doesn't get along with her then you shouldn't even be with Agent Bering in the first place._

_But I don't want to stop seeing Myka._

_You won't have to because they are going to get along._

_But h__ow do you know?_

_Because I'm the rational side of you- I know everything._

Suddenly I hear the door opening behind me, breaking my inner discussion. Christina walks in first and Mykas right behind her.

"How did it go?" I ask nervously, coming over.

"It was good. This Chrissy is very skilled at stealthy operations." Myka smiles. "She also told me a couple of things about Emily Lake that I didn't know."

I glance at Christina quickly. "Oh? And what would that be?"

Myka shakes her head "Oh no- that's between me and her."

_Ok inner rational voice? I have a new problem. What if Myka figures out Christina is my daughter- after all shes__ smart and people we didn't even know at the school figured it out._

_That's very true..._

_I know! Now tell me it's not possible._

_I'm afraid I can't- Myka figuring it out is a very big possibility._

_Oh great._

"Well I'm going to go read a book now." Christina states striding out of the room she turns around swiftly at the last second "And not that I don't think you two aren't absolutely adorable because I do, really. But I'd rather not be scarred for life simply because Emily couldn't keep her hands to herself. So lets keep the PDA to a minimum, alright?"

I feel my face getting hot with embarrassment as she leaves. _Oh she is in so much trouble later._

"Aww you're blushing." Myka coos talking a step towards me.

I groan and look away trying to hide my face but she places a hand on my arm and turns me back to her "No no I think is sweet really."

I smile lightly and mumble a thanks.

Then she turns around to face my wall of books. Thankfully putting the subject to rest.

"This is quite the collection" She says in wonderment as she runs her finger down a shelf.

I'd never thought much about it. I'm a literature teacher after all aren't I supposed to have lots of literature. And of course I've never complained either- literature was the first thing I loved in in this new life.

"Yes I suppose." I come to stand next to her.

She examines the books closer, paying attention to the loving wear on each of them. "You must have read each of these a lot."

"Well while I was the rehabilitation facility books were the only thing that fit. Nothing else was familiar to me...until Chrissy" I say honestly and then I add softly "And you."

She jerks her head to stare at me "Me?"

"Don't act so surprised" I say "After all I knew you before Emily Lake didn't I?"

"Before Emily Lake?" Myka repeats.

"Yes before Emily Lake."

"Why do you do that?" She ask.

"Do what?"

"Talk about yourself in the third person" she explains, changing the topic.

I don't even notice when I do that anymore. After talking to Christina, the chasm between the real me and Emily Lake is so big saying My name is Emily almost hurts. "Myka" I move closer to her "We both know in not Emily Lake."

"Yes you are." She says.

I shake my head slowly "I'm not."

"You- you are." She manages her face is shocked and panicked. "You are Emily Lake."

"I'm not be her Myka." I say calmly.

"But you are!"

"Then explain this to me- Emily Hannah Lake has never been in any kind of accident before now, other than a broken wrist when she was in third grade-"

"How does that prove-"

"I have a scar on my right shoulder, my left thigh, my back, the left side of my neck and my foot."

"You must have gotten them in the accident you were in." Myka tries.

"Except their all healed completely and have been for years." I say.

She takes a step back "Maybe those incidents just we're reported."

"Emily Lake loves cats, she's prefers the sidelines, she has no interest in science, martial arts, inventing- everything I love she hates, we're complete opposites."

"Maybe they just told you wrong then."

I pause. I need something more concrete something that will show her without a doubt I'm not Emily

"Alright if I'm Emily Lake then explain how I have stretch marks? After all Emily's never had children."

Her eyes go wide and I see her open and close her mouth unable to think of an explanation.

"Myka- you don't have to pretend you don't know what I talking about." I say almost shyly. "I already know this life isn't real. You don't have to lie."

Myka is silent. Her eyes are caught in mine and I'm simply hoping she can see I'm telling the truth and move past it.

"Em-" she stops "Listen if the regents knew that you knew this then-"

"They'd move me or punish me?" I try.

She takes a step towards me "Worse" she says darkly. "If they knew you beat the memory loss, might not even bother re-punishing you."

_I would never have thought- would they really go that far? _"They'd kill me?"

A tear falls from her eye as she nods. "You can't let then know alright?"

"I won't Myka- I won't tell them" I say watching the tear roll down her cheek "I promise."

And then her arms are around my waist, pulling me to her. My arms unconsciously go around her neck and before I even realize what I'm doing, I'm snuggling my face into her neck.

_She believes me. _

It should be awkward and cold what with our wet cloths sticking to our skin and the thunder booming in the background. But it's not, because I can feel her warmth through the clothes and the only thing registering in my head is how perfect she is.

She sighs and squeezes me tighter.

I take a deep breath, inhaling her sweet vanilla scent. I don't know how it survived the rain but it did and it's intoxicating.

Suddenly I feel my knees go weak and my vision start to shift. _Oh no not now! Anytime but now!_

* * *

_Sorry about the poor editing!_


	23. Fears of abandonment

_Chapter- 23_

* * *

I'm opening a door and stepping into a bedroom. There are books lining the walls, a few pictures on the dresser and a little teddy bear on the window sill. Everything's in a neat order, set and arranged alphabetically or color coordinated. The entire room smells of Myka's vanilla.

I walk a few more steps into the room to find said owner of vanilla laying on the bed reading. Her hair is slightly damp, she probably just got out of the shower.

She looks up from her book, which I can't see the cover of, to revealing a large pair of glasses that just scream daughter of bookshop owners. "Hey H.G, what's up?"

I let out a long sigh and make my way to fall onto her bed sideways so that my head is resting near her feet. "Nothing"

"Nothing hmm?" She looks back at her book. "Sounds like you're bored."

"I am bored darling, very. **very.** **bored**." I groan.

An amused smile makes its way to her face, "Anything I can do to help?"

I turn my head to face her "I don't know"

She shakes her head and closes the book. "Last time you were like this you ended up catching the basement on fire."

I sit up quickly "That was not a fire!"

"Well it set off the smoke alarms."

I lay back down and mumble "It wasn't a fire."

"All I'm saying is a bored H.G Wells puts the entire B&B at risk and that includes its occupants."

"Claudia is as much a risk as me" I defend.

"Yes but Artie **likes** Claudia." She reminds me and I groan again.

"That's not fair."

"No it's not." She agrees.

There's a pause.

I sit up a little and crawl over to her, "What are you reading?" I ask out of nowhere.

She puts her book behind her and says nervously, "Nothing."

"Nothing hmm?" I smirk deviously. _Well there's something to do._

"Yep."

Swiftly I move up the bed reaching for the novel with an out stretched arm.

She jerks backwards just as fast. "Helena." She warns.

"Yes darling?" I respond innocently before reaching for the book again. But this time she doesn't move quick enough and I land right on top of her.

She stares up at me with a frozen, terrified face a deep blush spreading all the way to her neck.

My smirk fades and I go serious. _I didn't mean to do that._

She makes no effort to move and I'm too lost in her eyes to register that I should get off of her. Her face is only four inches away from my and her vanilla just got a hundred times stronger.

"You smell like vanilla" I whisper softly glancing down at her lips.

Her eyes go a little wider by she doesn't respond.

In an instant I realize, despite how wonderful this feels, I'm to close- too vulnerable, so as sudden as I began, I move off her, grabbing the book in the process.

She doesn't protest when I turn to look at the cover, she's still frozen.

I inspect the cover for a while, mostly just trying to process what on earth I just did.

I hear her shift a little as she recovers from the shock. I look back up and hand her the novel. "The Time Machine- it's a good one." I say my voice void of my regular over sense of confidence.

Then Myka and her room disappear around me.

* * *

"Emily!" I hear today's Myka frantically say, tapping my face "Emily!"

I shake my head and sit up. I'm on the floor "Yes, yes- I'm back, I'm back." I say.

She is kneeling next to me, and pressing her hand to my forehead "How do you feel? Are you ok?"

"I'm fine I'm fine- Just a dizzy spell, that's all."

"A dizzy spell? Since when do you get dizzy spells?" She asks still frantic.

"Myka please don't worry- I'm absolutely fine." I assure her reaching up to take her hand off my forehead before squeezing it gently. "See" I smile.

She throws her arms around me knocking me back to lay on the ground. We're in the same position as we were my newest memory.

She staring down at me, her eyes cutting right to my heart, my mind, my soul- she can see everything, I'm completely exposed.

If it was anyone else I would have thrown them off me by now and demanded they never speak to me again. But not Myka- Im going to let Myka see me, I'm going to let her learn me all over again, I'm going to let her read my mind and break through my walls, no matter how scary it sounds. I don't have a choice, I let her in a long time ago and no matter what happens to me, or to her, that can never change.

She slowly moves her hand to trace the side of my face, "Please don't leave me again." She says, and I see how much I scared her...

_Again?_ "Never." I say back not even having to think through the plea. I could never leave her.

She nods violently and leans down to place a lingering kiss on my cheek.

When she pulls back I realize by the look on her face that she's thinking about the last time we were in this position too. She's realizing how much I had longed to do what she just did while **I** was on top of **her**. And so I say what I know I need to say to show her she doesn't have to regret not letting me.

"You smell like vanilla." I whisper.

I only catch a glimpse of her eyes going wide before there's the loudest boom of thunder yet and the lights flicker out.

"Emily!" It's an ear-piercing scream I've only heard once before and don't plan to hear again.

_Christina._

Thankfully I don't have to push Myka off (she has already moved) but if she hadn't I would have pushed her without a second thought.

I navigate around the furniture in the dark at top speed with unconscious precision.

"Emily!" The scream comes again and I can tell she can't hold on to Chrissy Charles for much longer. Her next scream will be Mother and the American accent will be gone.

I hear the cowering sobs coming from the corner of my room and images of her curled up, completely terrified flash through my head. I run to the sounds, quickly dropping to my knees. "Christi- Chrissy, it alright- I'm right here." I say soothingly as reach my hands out blindly, searching for her curled up body. My hand brushes the side of her head and in an instant two arms are wrapped around it. I move her to me, cradling her in my lap. "You're alright" I rub my hand up and down her back "You're safe."

She lets out another broken sob and her hold tightens.

"You're safe sweetie." I whisper pressing a kiss to her midnight curls and running my hand over the spot "There's nothing to be afraid of, I'm right here."

A beam of light shines around the room once before coming to rest on us. I don't look at source though, comforting my daughter beats curiosity any day.

Christina breathes in a desperate breath, trying to calm her tears.

"You're alright" I repeat in a hushed tone "You're safe darling, you're safe."

I hear Myka take a few hesitant steps into the room, flashlight now pointed down away from us.

"You're ok." I say again, "You're ok."

The shaking lessens and I feel her take a another deep breath."Im good now" she says but I can hear the slight tremor in her voice. "We can get up."

She noticed Myka also. And she obviously inherited my desperate goal of never showing weakness- of never being vulnerable. _She's just putting on a brave face._

"You're sure?" I ask softly, still rubbing her back.

She nods and I have no choice but to slowly stand up with her.

"Just don't let go." She manages, finding her footing.

"I won't." I say, "Don't worry."

Once were in the right position, with my arm wrapped around her and her leaning on me for security, I turn to Myka. She's just standing there, a flashlight griped loosely in her hand

I look into her eyes and silently plead for her not to mention what just happened.

She nods understanding my request.

"First we should light some candles" I say, "Get some more light in here. Also there are some more flashlights in the kitchen..."

"I'll go" Myka says immediately "You just get the candles."

* * *

Soon were all sitting on the floor in the living room, dozens of candles lit, flash lights shining onto our face and the board game we've set up. The first choice was obviously scrabble but, sadly, the regents took it, or at least I think they did because the game was no where to be found. We all settled on monopoly, a choice I regretted instantly- its extremely boring and long, very long.

But despite the game I can't be sad, because Christina and Myka get along perfectly and after the rain damage, Myka's seemingly straight has curled even more than Christina's.

I was right, it looks so much better curly.

It was before my second turn began when Myka's hand had slipped into mine, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. And on some levels it was, because I know my hand belongs in hers.

Of course no matter how much I knew my mind would be best spent savoring this moment- I'm still that impossibly curious inventor/writer pretending to be a high school teacher, so my thoughts most of the time have been drifted almost immediately to my new Myka memory...

_Why did she call me H.G Wells? Is that a nick name, like how she called me just H.G? Did my parents just have a weird sense if humor? Did they think having a daughter named H.G Wells was funny or something? T__hat doesn't make sense- I have three older brothers that they could have named that, yet they chose to call their only daughter it? Not to mention they're supposed to be old fashioned- think about it Joseph, Edward, Charles, and H.G Wells- No it must be just a nickname..._

_ And then she called me Helena...- Joseph, Edward, Charles, and Helena- yes that makes sense and it sounds right._

_So Helena Wells... that's nice... Unless my last name isn't really Wells and that's just another part of the nickname thing- But if it **wasn't** a part of the nickname then Christina would be Christina Wells... Yes- That's it. Without a doubt, my real last name is Wells._

_Now the big question is should I tell Christina I know my name? She was very adamant about me not knowing too much about myself and same goes for Myka- I don't want the regents to re-punish me- I don't want to lose my daughter or best friend that's really more than a friend._

And that's when I realized a very sticking realization. (That only the rational side of me would admit.)

_You're afraid of the regents._

_No I'm not._

_You are. You're terrified of them._

_No I'm not! I inwardly scream-_

"You ok?" Myka whispers, pulling me back to the here and now.

I stare at her concerned face, then glancing over Christina who isn't paying attention, or at least pretending not to.

"Just wonderful darling" I say politely dismissing the concern before looking back down at the board. _She can't know._

"Hey" Myka shifts to put her face back in front of mine. "What's going on?"

_I __know better than to lie to her._

"It's nothing Myka"

_Apparently I don't._

She just stares at me, making me feel guiltier with every second.

"It's nothing- Really." I repeat insistent.

"Emily." She says softly, subtly coaxing me into telling her.

Suddenly the lights come back on. I've never been more thankful. _Yes a distraction!_

"Finally!" Christina exclaims jumping up. _And in an instant the panic's back._

_Where in the world does she think she's going?_

"I hope you two understand if I chose not to continue this game for the many more hours it will take." she starts desperate to leave, but hiding it well. "Not that watching you two unconsciously scoot closer and closer to each other every other minute isn't wonderful-"

We both look down to see we've both moved at least two feet since when we started the game.

"Buuuut" she brings us back. "This 'Monopoly' is dreadfully boring. Not to mention I have a feeling the rest of this conversation will require some privacy..." And with that Christina, happily, leaves us again.

_'No! Don't leave!' _I want to scream. '_If you leave she'll get it out of me!'_

Myka doesn't take the time to blush, she wants to know whats going on. "Emily, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong" I say. _Stay strong._

"You can tell me."

"There's nothing to tell." I'm firm and maybe a little harsh. Somehow I think it's necessary.

_She can't know you're afraid. _A voice tells me.

She doesn't push further, actually she does the completely opposite she pulls away and for the first time I don't want to be lost in her eyes. Not when they look this sad.

_She thinks I don't trust her._

_Could you blame her?_

_What is that supposed to mean?_

_You're acting like, you don't._

_But I do._

_Then tell her._

_I can't!_

_And why not?_

_Because- because-_

_Why not?_

_Because I don't want to look weak!_

_...that's what I thought._

My heart breaks as she glances away. She's broken our gaze before but never like this. It used to be adorable when she did it because that blush would spread across her face and she'd bite her lip. But this time there's no blush no nervously taking her bottom lip between her teeth, there's just...sadness.

"Myka" I move closer to her "Look at me."

She shakes her head and tries to move away again "No Emily, I get it if you don't want to tell me."

"Myka." I say replacing that space for a second time. "It's really nothing." I try to grab her hand.

She jerks away instantly and snaps "Emily Just leave it!" She scoots so far back that she's up against the couch.

_Swallow you're pride and tell her now! Before you lose her!_

"Im just afraid!" I shout, my composure slipping.

She's silent but her eyes soften.

"Ok? I'm just afraid" I repeat my voice broken with whatever emotion just washed over me. "I'm afraid that I can't be what Chrissy needs right now. I'm afraid I'm too lost to help her find her way. I'm afraid that if I make one mistake she'll close up. I'm afraid that she won't want anything to do with me because I'm stuck as Emily Lake. I'm afraid that you won't want to be around me anymore because you think I'm not her. I'm afraid of the regents will send me away if they figure out what I know. I'm afraid I'll never see you two again. " I ignore the wetness forming in my eyes. "I don't want to lose you Myka. I couldn't handle losing you." I manage to finish with completely breaking down is tears.

I don't even register when she moves back over to me, I don't realize she wrapping me in her arms until I'm there.

"You're not going to lose me." she whispers. "Nothing in this world, not even the regents, will take you away from me again- I will not let that happen."

"Promise?" I ask quietly, not caring that it sounds childish. Apparently we share the same fear of abandonment.

"I promise." She begins running her hand through my hair. "I'm not going anywhere, ok?You're stuck with me."

"No one could ever be stuck with you Myka Bering, only blessed." I couldn't help myself- I hadn't made her blush in over an hour, and the opportunity was right there.

"Oh goodness." Myka almost laughs and she rests her head on mine.

"What?" I ask.

"You just can't help saying things like that can you?"

"Myka my dear, it's impossible for me to hold my tongue when it comes to complementing beautiful women." I reply smoothly.

She whines "Emily."

"What? Are you saying you don't like it when I tell you that you're the most gorgeous woman I've ever met?"

She groans and I can't help but giggle at her exasperated face.

Soon we are both in silence again and the entire day comes crashing down on me in waves. Christina's promise, Myka's promise, my promise. _What time is it?_ Her hand is running through my hair once again and everything drifts away, exhaustion overcoming me.

"Did you do this before?" I ask my voice barely a whisper.

"Do what?" She asks in the same tone.

I sigh, my eyes becoming more and more droopy with every stroke and light brush against my scalp.

"This." I try to explain.

"No" she answers simply. "I never got the chance."

I don't have enough strength to really respond but I manage an "Oh"

Lightly she urges me up and moves us to sit on the couch. My brain is to groggy to fully register her finding the most comfortable position to sit in. I don't care what position were in as long as she's holding me and that hand is swimming through my long black hair. As long as I hear that steady heart beat and every slow breath. I'm in heaven.

And it's not long before I'm fast asleep.

* * *

_**Authors (kinda long) Note: **_

_Hey everyone I know I've asked this about a million times (more like two times) and it's probably getting annoying but please tell me if this thing is getting to long._

_I've also said this a bunch but I love to hear any suggestions or ideas you may have for the story, so don't be shy!_

_And thanks again to everyone who's reviewed!_

_Oh and sorry it was a bit choppy at parts- what can I say I'm still an amateur writer. _

_Which means any tips you may have would be awesome:)_


	24. Morning People and Non- Morning People

Chapter- 24

Hey everyone who reads this! Sorry about how long this update took:( Have you ever gone through and edited an entire chapter and then forgot to press save? Ya imagine doing that three times in a row:( Anyway hope you enjoy!

* * *

Those hands are running through my hair when I wake up.

_We both must have fallen asleep._

I'm half on top of Myka with my head resting below her shoulder. Her arm is wrapped around my waist and I can hear the rhythm of her heart beating almost in sync with mine.

When I open my eyes I find her staring down at me with the softest expression on her face. A certain light that you can only ever see in the morning, is bouncing of her curls in just the right way and I start to think maybe mornings aren't all that bad...

"Good morning" she says, her tone quiet.

"Morning" I manage before closing my eyes again. "What time is it?" I mumble.

"Little after seven" she answers.

I groan, snuggling further into her "Too early- go back to sleep."

I hear a laugh echo in her chest. "I actually need to be getting back soon."

I groan again, "I don't want you to go."

"They'll be worried about me."

"Who's they?" I ask, still groggy- my brain muddled with sleep and the feeling of her hands in my hair.

Her hand stills for a moment before resuming its action a second later. "Co-workers."

I flashback, briefly, to the day she and her partner came to my apartment- "Is one of them Pete?" I ask.

"Yes one of them is Pete." She nods.

I'm silent- _Pete hated me. Especially after Christina took his gun._

_Oh goodness, Christina!_

I sit up quickly raising my voice in alarm. "Where's Chrissy?"

Myka puts a finger to her lips before pointing down next to the couch. Looking over I see my daughter, on the floor, in a nest of blankets and pillows, sleeping soundly.

"She really likes you" Myka whispers.

I hum and lay back down on her. "The feeling's mutual."

There's a pause before she says, "She **is** extraordinary- just like you said."

"Yes- she is"

"I know it's not my place to ask but...what happened to her parents?" Myka asks hesitantly.

I swallow.

_You have to lie_

_I know._

"Well she doesn't know who her father is, and her mother raised her for the first years of her life. Then they were separated... Now she lives with her mother's brother." I explain, remembering what Christina said to me at the ice cream shop.

Myka's hand begins running through my hair again and suddenly my brain is foggy, just like I knew it would be.

"Separated how?" She asks.

"She's never said" I manage, my composure slipping with the overwhelming warmth spreading through my body.

Myka continues absent mindedly, "Hmmm..." My eyes close as she lightly begins to run her free hand up and down the arm I have resting on her waist. "Haven't you ever been curious though?"

I let out a shaky breath, "Darling, Curiosity is my middle name. She's just been through so much and she's very sensitive about the topic... I'd hate for her to close up."

"I see..." Her hand moves to my neck and my breath hitches in my throat.

_She doesn't even realize what she's doing_

"Myka" I practically moan with a slightly warning tone.

She snaps out of her haze and sees the goosebumps rising on my arms. Quickly her movements still. "Sorry."

I sit up to hover above her. My arms on either side of her waist. "No no it's wonderful." I whisper. "I just thought it fair to warn you that if you decide to continue I won't remember or hear anything you say."

That hypnotizing smile spreads across her face and she laughs.

I smile too as my eyes trace her features."You're laugh is so beautiful Myka." I say softly.

She looks away, "No it's not."

"Why would you say that?"

Any trace of that smile has completely vanished. "Because it's true"

"What?- No." I argue immediately "Myka, everything about you is breathtaking- especially your laugh."

"Emily, you don't have too-"

"Can I tell you something? Something I've never told anyone else?" I ask suddenly.

She nods.

"A mouth or so ago I was knocked unconscious at the schools Halloween party. While I was in the hospital I had this dream... I was wandering a black void when out of know where this laughter begins- not a creepy laughter a beautiful laughter- I remember thinking how positively perfect it was, like church bells mixed with a sugar rush- I've never heard anything like it, and I know for sure I never will again.

"From that point on I was addicted to it, completely obsessed. Every night it would echo through my dreams and during the day it was my biggest distraction at work." I pause, her eyes are screaming for me to go on."A couple days ago I heard that laugh in person, and let me tell you it was a thousand times better than hearing it in some dream... It made me feel like a hurricane was storming inside my heart and for a moment nothing else mattered but the gorgeous woman it belongs to. The stunning woman with green eyes and brown curly hair, who loves the written word in a way I never thought I'd see, who knows me better that myself. When I'm around her my heart beats quicker and I have trouble thinking straight- sometimes my tongue gets tied and I say something stupid because I'm shocked someone so perfect would ever even look at someone as messed up as me. And when I think about how little time I've spent with her I wonder how it is that I feel like I've known her my whole life." I bring my hand up to trace the side of her face.

"Myka Bering you are **beautiful**- I won't allow you to ever think otherwise."

Before I know it she's yanking me down on top of her and burying her face in my hair.

It's different from the hugs we've shared before. This time we aren't on the hard floors shifting uncomfortably in cold, wet cloths that stick to our bodies in the worst way possible, and there's no chance of the lights knocking out and us all panicking. No there's none of that, only warm skin and a cozy blanket. Her vanilla scent keeping my impossible mind from drifting, like a tether to reality.

And in many ways she is my tether, because she's the only one who knows the real me...

Everyone sees me different- to my students I'm that English teacher who loves to lecture, to the regents I'm a prisoner who needs to be monitored and controlled, to my daughter I'm a mother who doesn't even know half of herself but is strong enough to not let it affect her, and to the world I'm Emily Hannah Lake- an absolute boring square.

But to Myka I'm Helena. Even though she's never really said it, I know that when she looks at me she doesn't see a helpless school teacher, she sees who I was before, who I am. And despite what I did (which lets be honest must have been pretty bad) she still trusts me. She trusts me enough to see her vulnerable side, the side that refuses to let anyone down and the fun, daring side of her the side that had the guts to hug me first and invite me to an ice cream shop of all things-

**Buzz. Buzz.**

I instantly jerk my head in the direction of the buzzing noise, on full alert. It seems to be coming from the other side of the room "What on earth is that?"

Mykas face goes confused, "I don't-"

**Buzz. Buzz.**

"Oh goodness!" Myka exclaims reaching her hand onto the floor next to the couch "Thats mine!"

She picks up the buzzing phone and looks at the caller. "Danget!" Biting her lip she glances at me "I'm sorry- I really need to take this..."

I move off her without hesitation "Of course."

"Ill be just be a minute." Myka says, quietly stepping over a still sleeping Christina.

She puts the the phone to her ear. "Hey Pete." She pauses, most likely to listen to Pete's response.

"Yeah I'm sorry there was some bad weather here- I didn't want to risk driving in it." Myka says, twirling a curl around her finger. Suddenly what ever she was saying begins to drift away. I smile softly seeing the shorts and a tank top I gave her to sleep in- how they cling to her curves in just the right way... Luckily she's turned around so she's not going to catch me staring.

Then something she says catches my attention, "Im in...Iowa- it's about four hours away"

_Oh no- Myka and lying do not mix. _

"What do you mean what's in Iowa?" She demands, obviously stalling. "Lots of things are in Iowa- tons actually."

_Help her!_

I stand up quickly and walking over to my bookshelves. "Myka!" I whisper scream pointing at the novels.

She turns to me and says into the phone, "Books?"

I nod, "Convention."

"Right- I'm at book convention" Myka nods with me, still speaking into the phone. "In Iowa."

We both grin satisfied, and I walk over to her.

_Oh no- why is she frowning? _"Of course they exist Pete!"

Then my grin fades.

"Now there is no reason to criticize an entire state just because you think books are nerdy." Myka continues appalled.

I roll my eyes. _Men_

Theres a long pause where she's just listening and I'm just watching.

She speaks again. "Ok I'll see you later- Bye" she hangs up the phone letting out a frustrated growl.

I smirk at the face "Everything alright darling?"

"I just don't get why he didn't believe me." She says.

I take a step closer to her "You're lying skills **could** use some improvement."

She just sighs.

"I could help if you like"

She shakes her head "Not happening."

I pout playfully, "Fine- you just continue being your honest self."

"There's nothing wrong with the truth" Myka states.

Suddenly a voice behind us mumbles "Except when the telling the truth involves putting someone in danger- I think then something is wrong with honesty."

We turn to see a still half asleep Christina. Her face is still buried in the pillow.

We must have woken her up.

I smile at her "Good morning darling. How'd you sleep?"

She stands up and stomps to my room "Ask me in a couple hours." The door closes sharply behind her.

"I take she's not a morning person." Myka says.

"Oh goodness no!" I laugh, "she's doesn't get into a good mood until noon."

"My sister was like that." She says, and I see a flash of something in her eyes- memories?

"And let me guess- you were up at dawn at every morning." I say.

"We'll not every morning... sometimes I slep in till like... 8."

"And that's considered sleeping in?" I scoff. _Morning people. _Though I will admit on Myka it looks wonderful.

"What about you? Do you like to sleep in?" She asks.

"Most defiantly yes- not as late as Christina mind you, but enough to say I am **not** a morning person."

"You're up now" she points out.

I slip my hand into hers ,"Yes I am- but only because right now reality is much better than any dreamworld."

Her checks redden a little and she doesn't respond.

I squeeze her hand "Let's go get some breakfast, shall we?"

She nods slowly and follows me to the kitchen.

* * *

Myka had to leave right after breakfast unfortunately. Something about an urgent case popping up at work, she didn't really explain- it happened so quickly.

I'll ask her exactly what she does next time I see her. Which will be soon I assure you- very **very** soon.

It's now 10:00 and Christina's still asleep, which really isn't a surprise. I'd probably still be too if Myka hadn't stayed over. Right now I'm just debating on whether or not to wake her up...

We **are** going back to school a day from now, which means she'll have to start waking up early again, so maybe it would be best if I let her sleep...

Then again the fact that we have to go back to school means she has to go back to Charles...

_That's it. I've made my decision- I'm going to spend as much time as I can with her._

I walk confidently into my room prepared to wake her up.

"Christi-" I stop mid sentence as my eyes fall on her peaceful face.

I smile lightly.

_Like you were really going to do it._

_Oh be quiet._

Silently I make my way over to the bed, lightly lowering myself down to sit next to her sleeping form. Her face is covered by a few strands of hair so I move them to reveal her sweet features. And now I'm just staring...

_That's a little piece of you, you know,_ the voice says and for once it isn't annoying.

I nod to myself, content. _I know_

Christina shifts in her sleep moving to the right, lifting her head of the pillow. For a split second I think she's awake but then her head is in my lap and I see that she's still fast asleep.

_Aren't you glad you found her?_

_You have no idea_

I hear her sigh as I run my hand softly over her back.

_Its been six years since she's had someone watching over her like this. _The voice speaks up again.

_There must have been someone... _I reply.

_Nobody could ever replace her mother, you should know that by now._

"Mmm" Christina moans snuggling herself deeper into the covers.

I smile and whisper "Christina darling, it's time to wake up.

She shakes her head "Too comfy"

"If you get up now I'll let you have as many bowls of Fruit Loops as you want." I say coaxingly.

"Really?" She asks. "No limit?"

I nod, "No limit."

"Fine." She sighs, but doesn't move. "Did Myka leave?"

I continue rubbing her back "Yes, she left."

"Did she say anything about it?" Her voice is small.

I shake my head and softly say "No love, she didn't"

"I'm sorry." She says quietly.

"You have nothing to be sorry for"

"Yes I do, I-"

"Christina- we've been over this." I say sternly.

"I know but-"

I cut her off immediately "Shh- I told you no."

There's a long pause, and for a moment I think she fell asleep. Then she speaks again, her voice firm, yet she's still struggling to say the words.

"It was the summer of 2006. I was eight years old and as you could imagine a very active child. Unfortunately, there weren't any kids in our neighborhood and all my friends from school were away for the summer. So once I had worn Uncle Charles out with my never ending games, you decided it would be a nice opportunity for me to spend some time with my cousins in Paris. You know give Uncle a break."

I listen carefully to her story, hanging onto every word.

"While I was there I fell ill and was forced to stay home while my cousins and Aunt went out for the day. Sophie, the housekeeper, stayed with me. It was nearing noon when we heard the crash." She swallows. "From downstairs I could hear Sophie yelling - fighting them best she could, but it wasn't enough...He was tall, and so strong- with a fresh cut on the side of his face." Her voice cracks and I wrap an arm around her. "I wasn't conscious for most of the attack- but it was so bad that I-...I was presumed dead."

_Dead? What?_

"I woke up in the regents headquarters, they told me you died on a mission and that Uncle Charles didn't want me... I was eight years old! And they knew things only someone close to you would know! So I believed them- they promised to help me- they promised to watch over me. I learned later their goal was to make me the perfect agent. Everyday I suffered through grueling training and relentless studies. I was the best candidate for their program- after all I was the daughter of a genius. There were no breaks, no holidays, the only rest I was allowed was at night from 10 to 7. By the time i was nine I had mastered kenpo and completed all the advanced high school courses. I memorized manifest after manifest untill they knew I knew every object in the wareh...work place, I learned about its history and founders, the people who governed it and all it's agents. But even after that I, apparently, wasn't reaching my full potential- the grief over losing you and Uncle was too much. And so began the 'Strengthening your inner core sessions' which was literal torture sessions- they told me get over the loss, to get over missing my mother, my uncle everything I'd ever known... All the sessions were all held in the dark" she didn't explain that part further and really she didn't have to, she has said enough for me to understand her fear.

"It worked for a while, at least I thought I did. I studied medicine, engineering, law- everything." She laughs a little, "Ironically, the very thing that helped me escape was something I invented based on the books they had given me.

"When I found Charles he informed me that you were...gone. Later I discovered the regents who held me captive were actually corrupt, and that they were also responsible for your disappearance." She lets out a shaky breath . "They were found out eventually, and they were replaced by another group of regents, ones I knew I could trust thankfully. But they refused to bring you back, saying you were too far gone that there was no hope... I argued with them of course but they didn't budge." her voice cracks.

"Oh Christina, I'm so sorry." I whisper with a broken voice, there are tears running down my face and I have a desperate grip on her arm "I'm so sorry darling."

"But I'm here now." She says, "With you- so it's ok."

"Yes you are." I agree.

_Oh goodness- **I'm** not going to be able to sleep tonight. Not after hearing... How dare they put her through that! How dare they do those things to her! If I ever see them again I'm swear I'll-_

Christina's voice breaks my dark retrain of thought. "Mother, would It be alright if I had some of those Fruit loops now?"_  
_

I smile- _They'll be time for revenge later_, "Of course darling."

After I did promise her as many bowls as she'd like.


	25. Back to School

Chapter 25

* * *

I knew it was going to be hard- But after the last week I had no idea how hard.

Here's how the morning went. Woke up at five a.m to the crankiest Christina yet (and it didn't help that I was just as cranky) We fought over everything- breakfast, what we were going to wear (I wanted her to wear the blue shirt she wanted to wear the green), who got the bathroom first, who went through the door first, who drove! What music was on in the car...

"I don't understand why you have to fight me on **everything**!" I shout, one of my hands gripping the wheel and the other being waved around like a mad woman.

"Me fighting you?" She asks shocked "Mother **you** are fighting **me**!"

"Why on earth would I fight you!?"

"I don't know, maybe because in our current sleep deprived state your irritability is cranked up forty notches, making it very difficult for you to see logical reasoning and explanations!" She suggest loudly, her accent so thick I can barely understand her.

"I can't understand you when you're talking angrily!" I say in frustration."I thought British people were supposed to be soft-spoken!"

She shakes her head and rolls her eyes"And now you're buying into stereotypes! Unbelievable..."

"Oh yes, because its my fault they 'programmed' me with the brain of an American."

"Well maybe it was!"

I pull into the school parking lot and we both jump out if the car slamming the door in the process.

"You're being ridiculous" I mutter opening the front door for her.

"You are too!" She says, her voice switching to an American accent.

"Oh goody now I can understand you." I smile with false enthusiasm.

She rolls her eyes and begins walking away "I have to get to class."

"I hope you have fun." I say sarcastically- deep down I probably mean it.

"Oh I will!" She shouts down the hallway.

"Good!" I yell back.

"Good!"

It's my turn to roll my eyes and head in the opposite direction to my class room. _Apparently I haven't learned to be the responsible parent yet because that was just childish of me._

I shake my head with a deep breath and step through the door forcing a polite smile.

First period is seniors.

"Good morning everyone" I greet setting my purse on my desk. "Did everyone have a good Thanksgiving?"

Some say yes and some didn't hear me so they don't say anything. Then the bell rings and the day officially begins...

Like everyday the announcements come on and we say the pledge, which of course is extremely awkwardly for me now. Then, of course, the students minds were still in break mode so nothing really got done. And as expected second and third period went by about the same, except they were all juniors not listening to my class, not seniors.

Now, thankfully, its fourth period- my conference period, meaning a whole hour to myself, though the thought of actual alone time didn't even crossing my mind.

I pull out my phone.

**Hello Myka, How's your day going? **I text.

The response is instantaneous.

**Bored out of my mind. **She replies._  
_

**Oh? Do tell!**

There's a pause.

**Can you talk?**

**Yes of course.**

Then my phone is ringing and her voice is filling my ear.

"Now tell me darling, what has you bored out of your mind?" I greet, charmingly.

"I'm stuck on this road trip to the top of North Dakota and Pete, my supposed partner, **fell. asleep**. Leaving me all alone."

"You **could** have called me you know." I say, suddenly feeling very self-consciences "I love talking to you..."

"I love talking to you too!" she says quickly "I just assumed you had classes to teach."

"Right, right." I nod, really hoping she's telling the truth. Over the phone its hard to tell.

Suddenly that voice in the back of my head speaks up. _You have no right to be at the top of her 'Call-when-your-bored' list- not while you're in this gray area with her._

_Gray area? What are talking about! _

_Oh please- if someone asked you what she was to you, what would you say?_

I think it over- _certainly not friend, but really we aren't anything more than that...I mean other than a few kisses on the cheek and my whole confession about her. We haven't even really talked about what we are..._

_Exactly my point._ The voice says.

I clear my head of the thoughts and change the subject.

"So North Dakota hmm- what's in North Dakota?" I ask.

"Just some case..." she sighs, "Now what about you, how's **your** day going?"

"Well..." I sigh. "I had a very frustrating- very **loud** morning."

"Oh? Do tell!" she mimics playfully.

"Chrissy and I fought... about almost everything." I say fiddling with a piece of paper on my desk.

"That would have been fun to watch." Myka says amused.

"I beg your pardon" I exclaim, shocked by her lack of sympathy.

"Right I'm sorry- but I know how stubborn you can be especially in the mornings, and when your cranky you tend to argue over nothing." She says being very straight forward but not rude.

"Well I don't think that's very fair." I pout.

"And I'm also very sorry that you two fought." She continues "I know how much she means to you."

"She **is** a teenager, I suppose it's excepted..."

"You're right she is, so don't worry you'll make up soon enough." She assures me.

"You're very smart Myka." I praise, my spirit effectively lifted. _If only she was sitting next to me and not a state or two away..._

"So is this like your conference period?" She asks.

"Yep- I'm free for a whole hour" I say.

"And that's about how much longer I'll be in the car, so it works out well." I hear the smile in her voice.

"Yes it does!" I exclaim leaning back in my chair, "Now Myka, you must agree that a whole day without speaking really is too long" I say, sternly. "And two days without seeing you is even worse, so tell me- When are you free?"

"Well that depends, when are **you** free?"

"Oh darling you should know by now, there's not a time I'm not free" I laugh.

"Fine Fine" she says beginning to think. A moment later she speaks "This case should be over in about two days... What about Thursday afternoon?" Then she adds quickly, suddenly nervous, " ...or-or evening, either ones fine"

"Now **that** depends on how much time you'd like to spend with me." I smirk even though she can't see me.

"Well what time do you get to usually leave the school?" She asks.

"Around five, but that's only because Chrissy stays after school with me. The final bell rings at three."

Myka is silent for a minute, probably thinking out a plan. "Ok how about this- You **and** Chrissy meet me right after school at the ice cream shop we went to on Friday-"

"And when Chrissy has to go home?" I ask.

"I'm sure we can think of something to do..." I can just see her biting her lip.

"Sounds perfect." I say, my mind wandering already to the events of Thursday.

"Ok." She says, and I know there's an out of control smile on her face.

"Ok." I reply, trying to keep a lid on how excited I am.

"...so I know you're probably sitting in front of some poor kids worksheet-" she begins.

_Please don't say you should go ahead and let me work, Please don't say you should go ahead and let me work._

"-So why don't you quiz me and grade at the same time." She suggests.

I sigh in relief "Darling you read my mind."

* * *

"Alright this one in is from English 1 so it should be easy." I say.

"I'm ready." Myka says with over dramatic preparation.

She's gotten everyone right so far and I know this one won't be any different.

"Who said- 'Life is real again, and the useless and cumbersome and mischievous have to die.'?"

The silence that follows the question is longer than I expected and I'm starting to think Myka hung up.

_I can't believe you asked that. _That annoying voice says.

_What?_

_You know it's cruel to bring up past memories about you with her._

_I wasn't-_

_Oh please- that quote is H.G Wells _it snaps_._

"Myka, I'm sorry I shouldn't have-" I began guiltily. "I mean I didn't mean to bring up-"

"No no Emily it's ok- Wait what?- what are you talking about?" She questions panicking a little.

_I just implied I knew my nickname didn't I?_ I inwardly cringe.

_Yep._

"Oh nothing really just something that floated through my head the other day, when we were talking about authors..." I try to explain casually.

"You remembered something." She states in realization and I know there's no way out of this. "What all did you remember?"

"Well I wouldn't say remembered..."

"Mykes! Come on!" Pete's voice yells from the other side of the phone call.

"Coming!" Myka shouts back, before whispering into the phone fiercely. "We'll talk about this later."

"Yes of course." I sigh. "It was nice speaking to you again."

Her tone softens "Likewise."

I smile "Goodbye Myka."

"Bye." She says.

And the line goes dead.

I set my phone down and put my head in my hands.

_What have I done?_

_Maybe it's for the best._

_Maybe, but what if me knowing just drives her away._

And of course the voice picks this time of all times to go silent.

I raise my head up to look at the clock. Thirty seconds till the lunch bell rings. _I'm not even hungry..._

**Riiing!**

I've never realized how annoying that sound can be. It's one of the most irritating noises in the entire would! I glance at the heavy text book on my desk. Out of no where the thought of throwing it at the bell thing in my room crosses my mind.

_Don't you dare._ The voice suddenly speaks up in warning tone._ Myka will still want to spend time with you no matter what you remember, alright? There's no need to get violent._

I sigh, _Whatever._

I hear my classroom door close lightly. Instantly I recognize the hesitant footsteps.

"Mother?"

I look up in time to see her run her hand through her curls.

"Yes darling?" I ask trying to manage a neutral tone- putting my sad, scared thoughts about Myka's reaction to the side.

"I- I'm sorry for insulting your Americanness.." She apologizes, fiddling with the hem of her shirt. _Well that was brave of her, coming straight in and apologizing. I know she didn't inherit that sense of responsibility from me..._

I smile softly "And I'm sorry for insulting your Britishness."

Quickly she walks over and pulls me into a hug. "I'm also sorry for being so bratty in the mornings."

"Oh darling its alright, you obviously get it from me anyway." I laugh. _If anything's going to put me in a good mood again it's Christina._

She leans back with a smile "Would it be alright if I had lunch in here with you?"

"That sounds wonderful." I say happy for an excuse not to talk to those other teachers. "I can't believe I've never thought of that before."

* * *

Once the bell rings signaling the end of lunch Christina stands up from the chair I had moved next to mine and says "I'll go get my books."

I nod, remembering 5th period is next, which means freshman. "See you in a minute."

She walks out the door and I go to throw my trash away.

A couple students come in and take their seats, still chatting loudly. I pull out my lesson plan for the day and begin reading it over.

"Ms. Lake?" A student says.

I look up to see Molly Cast standing in front of my desk. "What can I do for you" I ask, putting on my nice face.

Something you should know about Molly- she always has to be right, she thinks she knows everything, and anyone who contradicts her is just asking for it. And really I'd like nothing more then to put her in her place but I'm the teacher. No matter how immature I may be, so I'm going to listen to her and keep my judgement to myself...

Or at least try to.

"I learned something this break that I bet you don't know." She says with to much pride.

"Oh and what's that?" I don't let the annoyance show in my voice.

Out of the corner of my eye I see Christina take her seat at the front of the room, and from there I know she'll easily hear the conversation without even trying.

"I learned how to read this" Molly hands me a piece of paper with strange markings on it. _Probably some made up language or something_. "Do you know what it says?"

The words are out of my mouth before I can process whats going on, "My name is Molly Cast, I'm 15 years old and love to play basketball." I read.

When I look up Molly's eyes are wide and behind her Christina is staring at me confused.

"But- how- how did you?" Molly stutters and Christina stands up and comes over to see the piece of paper.

A look of realization spreads across my daughters face "Ohhhh"

"What?" I ask.

"It's a dead language." She answers.

"Alright?"

She smiles knowingly and says "Vous considérez langues, notamment des langues mortes pour être un hobby. Je pense que cette écriture est appelée Akkadien, j'ai vu quelque chose à ce sujet dans certains de vos notes une fois ."

And some how I understand her and hear. "_You consider languages, particularly dead languages to be a hobby. I think this writing is called Akkadian, I saw something about it in some of your notes once."_

She waits a moment for me to respond, silently pleading with me to understand.

Nodding I say "Je vois, merci mon chéri."

I don't know how I know I just said "_I see, thank you darling"_ in French but I did so I'm going with it.

_Apparently foreign languages stuck to my head when they erased my memories- fascinating. I wonder what other languages I know..._

"What?" Molly asks still in shock, interrupting my thoughts.

I turn to the student "It's very impressive that you know how to read this Molly, and I'm sure I'm the only teacher here that knows what it says, so bravo."

"I uh- ok?" she is still confused.

I smile at her, and she goes to sit down. Christina gives me a smirk, which I roll my eyes at "Go sit down." I say.

I then silently make my way to the front of the room. "Hello class, I hope you had a good Thanksgiving, and I know you're all back here ready to learn."

Some of them groan and others give a sarcastic word of agreement. I suppress a laugh and get right down to business.

"Right so were going to start this month off with a project, that will be due sometime in January" Some kids put their heads on their desk in dread. "Yes it will be a long project, that will require a whole lot of information. However I know some of you will actually enjoy doing this assignment." I glance briefly at Christina.

"The project will be over an author, and before you ask no you don't get to pick, I chose for you sorry." I pause clasping my hands together. "Now. You'll be writing an essay, and creating a description board that includes details of your authors childhood, such as how they grew up, who their family members were, and then their books- obviously- how what goes on in them ties to their life, where their inspiration came from, why they wrote what they wrote- things like that" Half the class groans."And I know it sounds difficult, but I've chosen authors that this will be easy to do with- all it will require is effort and actual work." Even more kids groan.

"Honestly there is no pleasing you" I mutter going to my desk to pick up their assigned authors.

"Tell you what, at the end of this you guys all get a lollipop." I say because it's worked in the past. Really what teenagers, of all people, will do for a small piece of candy.

"Not even worth it." A student, James, says from the back of the room. And this time I laugh.

I move around the room passing out the sheets "I have a published work of each of these men and women's in the back of the room so you guys should go ahead and get started."

They begin standing up one by one, talking as they head for the shelf in the back.

Then I come to Christina, smiling I hand her the assignment. She takes it not paying attention to my face. Looking at the paper she freezes, wided eyed.

"What's wrong" I ask- _She was supposed to love this._

"I just- I uh- can I change my author?" She asks.

"...No, I'm sorry Chrissy. There will be no assignment changes." I say, still unsure about her reluctance.

"No matter what?"

I shake my head, "No matter what, there will be no changes." I say firmly.

She looks back down at her paper shifting uncomfortably.

I continue passing out the papers, patting her back as I pass her "Cheer up darling, really I thought you'd be trilled, H.G Wells will be a very interesting topic."

* * *

_Sorry if my whole French part thing was off- blame the internet's translator!_


	26. A Glimpse into the Future

_Chapter 26_

_Sorry about all the grammar mistakes and the lack of flow in this chapter:(_

* * *

"You can sit next to Myka, Mother. I don't mind sitting in a booth alone." Christina whispers as we open the door to the little ice cream shop.

"Are you sure?" I ask hopeful. I've been waiting to see Myka all week, and the thought of being across the table from her- literally two feet away- but still not **next** to her is just agonizing.

Christina nods "I'm sure."

"Oh! Thank you darling." I kiss my daughters head quickly, and look around the shop.

Immediately, my eyes fall on the back of her head, it's tilted slightly to the side and those brown unruly curls for once are not tamed with a straightener, the sight sends my heart beating rapidly.

I lead Christina over to the booth and gracefully slide into the seat next to Myka. Before she even has time to register presence, I'm placing my hand on top of hers and kissing her cheek "Hello Myka." I whisper.

Soon those emerald eyes are staring into mine and a radiant smile is spread across her face "Hey." She says back softly, and then were just gazing at each other. Me memorizing those specks of a lighter green in her eyes, how they glimmer in the light, how through them I somehow know exactly what she's feeling. -Happy but anxious, with a sprinkle of confidence.- I know all too well the image has already been engraved in my mind for all eternity

Suddenly I feel her fingers intertwine with mine, and I can't help glancing down at those welcoming lips...

_Oh four days is much too long._

"Hello" I say dumbly, because once again she's stolen my words.

"Hello" A voice across from us says and Myka quickly jerks her head, her checks turning red.

For a moment I'm too lost in the feeling of her thumb moving lightly over my hand to move, but when I do I find Christina giving me a smirk. "I could head home now if you two would like some privacy." She says somehow sounding polite.

"No no- it's alright" Myka assures her looking at me "You can control yourself right Emily."

I sigh dramatically "If I must."

She nods and smiles back at Christina. Thankfully, not letting go of my hand.

There's a pause and I can see Myka searching for some question to ask her, feeling the need to start a conversation.

She decides on "So whats your favorite flavor?"

"Vanilla." Christina answers, with a grin.

"Hey that's Emily's favorite also" Myka says, and I smirk to myself- _I never told her that._ "I mean... Right Emily?" She tries to recover.

"Yes of course darling" I say. Christina and I share a look.

Once we've ordered, and all our bowls are in front of us, Myka speaks again.

"So how's school?"

Christina smiles "Who are you asking?"

Myka glances back and forth between us, "Oh uh...you" she points to my daughter.

"Well **I'm** currently working on a very **boring**- very **long **English project" She emphasizes the words looking at me.

I roll my eyes. She has been making comments like that since I assigned it. "I really don't understand what the problem is." I say.

"What's the project?" Myka asks.

"Well we were given an author to do a paper over, and that paper has to include details about the author's childhood, family, books- and when I say details I mean things such as, what they kept as a pet, what kind of shoes they wore..." Christina explains bitterly.

Once again I roll my eyes."You are so dramatic."

"And the problem is you're not interested in literature?" Myka questions, still confused.

"Oh no- she loves literature" I cut in, "The problem is she wants to change authors and I've already told her no."

"Ohhhh, Now it makes sense." Myka picks up her spoon to take a bite, "What author did you get?"

"H.G Wells." Christina states.

Myka drops her spoon is surprise. "Oh! uhh- well that's um-" she fumbles to find the words before turning to me "Emily maybe you should let her change."

My eyes go wide and I stare at her shocked, _is she really taking her side?_ "What?"

"Well she **is** going to be doing a **whole** project, wouldn't it be better if she was doing it over an author she liked?"

"But H.G. Wells is her **favorite** author!" I exclaim attempting to make her see my point.

"Ms. Lake" Christina whispers fiercely checking to make sure no one heard, "Shhh"

"I'm sorry but I just don't understand why you are so against this" I say.

Myka silently looks at my daughter, I can just see the gears turning in her head. "Can I speak with you a moment?" She asks and it takes me a second to realize the question isn't directed at me.

"Yes ma'am" Christiana gets out of the booth.

"Well only be a minute" Myka assures me with a kiss to the side of my face as I move to let her out.

_Christina wouldn't tell her anything right? No she wouldn't, she couldn't. _I tap my fingers against the table. _She won't say anything. She won't say anything._

_I don't want Myka to know yet, not that I don't trust her, but it's too soon. She'll run. Just like I know she's going to run when I tell her I know my name too. It'll scare her, confuse her, she's already feeling guilty about... well cheating on me with me... No I can't tell her, I can't lose her. When she told me she'd never leave me, my remembering myself wasn't a part of the equation._

_And when I finally think she can know, **I** will tell her. **Me**. Not my daughter, not the regents. **I** am going to be the one to tell Myka everything..._

A minute goes by, but of course it feels like an eternity.

Myka comes back with a smile, and a look of... relief?

I eye her suspiciously "Everything alright darling?"

"Yes." She nods happily grabbing my hand and once again placing her body next to mine.

"...Wheres Chrissy?" I ask.

"Bathroom." she says with a shrug. Then I feel her finger begin to trace patterns on my thigh and all I can do is stare. Any thoughts about Christina put away.

Hesitantly I lift my free hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, revealing every one of her features to me. Lowering my hand slowly, my eyes desperately dart across her face determined to explore every inch of it.

Then her tracings become more strategized and I begin to find it harder and harder to breath... The fact that we're in an ice cream shop floats away with each letter she draws..._wait letter?_

A sudden overwhelming desire shoots through my body and the smell of vanilla muddles my brain, making it hard for me to concentrate on the movements.

Her eyes are set down intently at her current action, her teeth lightly clamped around her bottom lip.

I try to focus on her message.

_**Line with a hump- P**_

_**Two lines- L**_

_**One long line and three little lines- E**_

Then her hand is traveling up my leg a little more, but not enough for anyone else but me to notice. For a split second I forget what I'm supposed to be doing and allow a long outtake of breath.

_Focus!_

_**Two long lines with a small line in the middle- H? Wait no A**_

Somehow, without my notice, she shifted closer to my left side, almost leaning on me completely. _There must not be anyone in the shop or she really wouldn't be doing this. _The letters stop for a moment as she let's go of my hand to wrap her arm around my waist.

I continue gazing at her, marveled at how...touchy-feely she is. From the outside nobody would have guessed.

Then pattern resumes on my waist- _wait my waist? When did she manage to pull my shirt out of my pants?_

_**Squiggly line- S**_

_Oh goodness- please do another S, _I inwardly sigh.

**_Another line with there shorter ones.-E_**

Her hand pauses... _**PLEASE, period, new word.**_

_**Curved line- C.**_

Goosebumps rise down my arms, the shock traveling all the way to my toes.

Suddenly a cough comes from the other side of the table.

I jerk my head in that direction. Myka removes her hand and deep blush rising on her face.

I want to scream _'PLEASE what?' 'What does C stand for?' _But I don't.

Christina looks at me silently saying "I handled it."

I nod but only slightly, not completely remembering what she's talking about, and then she's standing up again.

"Thank you so very much for inviting me Ms. Bering, I had a wonderful time, but I'm afraid my Uncle will be wondering where I've gotten too. So, until next ime." She turns to me "See you tomorrow Ms. Lake." and with that she heads for the door leaving a few dollars for her ice cream behind.

Instantly I hop up, and thankfully Myka moves, somehow already knowing what I'm about to do.

Quickly I catch up to Christina who is already out the door. "Don't think you're going to get to leave without a proper goodbye." I scorn.

She laughs a little, and with her accented voice she says "Goodbye Mother."

I pull her into a hug kissing her head hard "Goodbye Christina. You be sure to act careful around Charles alright?"

"I will."

"And don't you dare go near his baking because I know he can't cook to save his life."

"I won't."

"And don't let him within 5 feet of any of your inventions, you know what could happen."

"I know."

"Oh and make sure to-"

"Mother." She smiles "I'll be fine."

I kiss her head again and wipe the tear threatening to fall. At least I'm getting better at controlling them- I was a mess on Monday "And you promise to call if you need anything, or if you just want to talk- anytime alright sweetie, you just call." I've given her this entire speech three times already.

"I will." She says "And really I'll see you tomorrow morning, it's no big de-"

"No" I cut her off sternly "You are not allowed to treat me like a crazy overprotective Mother- I'm still getting used to leaving you every afternoon."

"I know, I know" she stands on her tiptoes to kiss my check. "And I will call, don't worry."

"You'd better" I whisper.

She smiles "Alright- Goodbye Mother."

"Goodbye Christina" I whisper with one final kiss to the head "Love you."

"I love you too." She says.

And then she's walking around the corner, and disappearing to wherever she always disappears to.

I wipe my eye one more time and with a deep breath I turn to walk back inside.

All of a sudden I feel my knees go weak and my vision starts to blur. I move to the wall in an attempt to keep myself up but its to late...

* * *

"Helena!" A mans voice shouts from another room.

I roll my eyes and set my pen down. I'm at an old-fashioned desk, in an old-fashioned library like room. My hair is up like it was in my other memory with my family, and the dress I'm wearing is just as uncomfortable as the last.

"Helena!" This time the mans voice is slightly panicked.

Reluctantly I stand up and walk towards the door. _This had better be important_. I pass a mirror in the hallway, briefly catching a glimpse at my younger features, I can't be more that 20 years old.

"Helena!"

"Charles I'm coming." I say, raising my voice, teetering on the edge of yelling.

"Hurry!" He screams.

I make my way calmly into the room he's in. It looks like a regular bedroom...well regular for this place- and the suit on the chair in the corner tells me it's Charles room.

"What's the matter Charles?" I sigh, knowing all to well he often panics over nothing.

"I can't find her." He states.

My tranquil demeanor instantly snaps. "You what!?"

"We were just playing and- and I turned around for only a second and when I turned back she was gone!"

"Well why aren't you looking for her?" I demand, already beginning to check under the bed and in his closet.

"Right, Right." He nods quickly heading to look in the hall.

Soon we've checked everywhere in the house, except the living room, shouting Christina over and over. And with every room she's not in, the more terrified I become. Thousands of scenarios have popped into my head, each one worse than the last.

"You are the most careless-" I start distraught and angry. "Charles Herbert Wells, if anything happens to her I'll- I'll-"

"It wasn't my fault...much" He defends pitifully.

I literally growl, and he takes a step away from me.

"Christiana!" I say coming into the living room. I check behind the coat hooks and Charles checks behind the couch. "Christina!"

Then a noise catches my ear and I pause, listening intently.

Charles continues looking gracefully knocking over an oil lamp with a pillow in the process.

"Charles Shh!" I whisper fiercely.

"Helena, what are you-"

"Shh" I cut him off holding up my hand.

"Christina?" I say this time the panic gone.

A hushed giggling begins coming from the other side of the room. Charles's eyes go wide and he remains frozen as I slowly walk towards a small cabinet. It's the only place over there that she could be hiding in.

I open the little door quickly, expecting to see her tiny body but it's empty.

"Wh-" Charles begins again and I shush him.

More giggling.

I glance to my right, to see a chest of drawers, all of them too small for my daughter to fit in, but then on the top of the chest I realize that the painting, which usually hangs above the piece of furniture, is off its wall hook, being held a foot away in fact, by something small in a light green dress.

We were two panicked to have noticed it walking in, not to mention she is holding the painting in front of her at just the right angle, anyone looking at it from the front wouldn't have seen that it had been removed.

Slowly I stand up from my kneeling position and reach for the painting. When I try to grab it there's an opposing tug. Smiling I tug again and this times she let's go. I set the painting down and here Charles gasp. I look back up to see a my little four-year old sitting there, with her hands over her mouth, attempting to smother the giggles.

"Oh Christina" I sigh, reaching to get her down.

"I hide good mummy" she says and pull her to my chest with a laugh.

"Yes you do, love." I say in relief squeezing her tighter, reminding myself over and over that's she's safe. "Yes you do..."

* * *

"Emily." I feel her hand tapping my face and her arm holding me up, keeping me from laying fully on the concrete. "Emily."

I open my eyes, and at first all I see is her, the sun bouncing of her curls, those emerald eyes full of concern. Then I notice the crowd gathered around us (at a respectable distance, of course) "Myka why are they staring at us?" I mumble.

"That's what happens when someone collapses in the middle of the sidewalk." Myka says trying to use some humor to cover her worried tone- it doesn't work "How's you're head?"

I begin to sit up and her arm goes down a tad lower to support me from my waist "Good, considering the circumstances."

"Well I caught you at the last second" she explains before almost whispering "You really could have gotten hurt."

"Thank goodness you were there to catch me" I smile putting my hand on top of hers "Again."

"Always."

And just like it does every time we look into each others eyes the world around us fades away, the crowd talking to each other in hushed voices, my still hazy state of mind, and the chill in the air, all gone with just one look. It's the kind of gaze that sparks my memory and if I wasn't so lost in her I'd probably think her holding me like this was a bad idea. The last thing I need is to fall again.

"Lets go do something." She decides intertwining her fingers with mine.

"Alright, what do you suggest we do?" I ask, a little surprised she leaving the whole fainting thing alone... for now.

We start to walk and I realize the crowd is gone, _Were we really staring that long?_

"First is there anything you want to do?" She asks, "You get first pick."

_Would it be terrible if I told her the library? It probably would._

"I can't really think of anywhere..." I trail off.

"Oh please, are you really saying that you don't have **any** ideas?"

I kick a rock laying on the sidewalk, and continue strolling with my gaze down. "Well I do have one idea..."

Then she's stepping in front of me and tilting my head to look her back in the eye. She tilts her head in thought, simply staring. I think about looking away, she can see inside my head somehow and for a brief second that vulnerability scares me once again. But of course I don't move, I said a while ago there's no way I'll ever get out of her grasp. And really I can't see why I'd want to, because even though she makes me feel vulnerable its the good kind of vulnerable- it's the kind of vulnerable they call love...

_I have to talk to her. I have to talk about whats going on between us. If I don't-_

"The library." She says breaking my thoughts "You want to go to the library."

"How did you-" I began and she just smiles.

"But you-" I try again and the smile gets wider.

"Come on let's go." She starts to pull me along.

"Where?" I ask dumbly.

"To the library of course!" She exclaims happily. And swear sometimes I feel to damaged to be around that kind of brightness.

"You really want to go?"

"Emily that's where I wanted to go in the first place." She tells me as we continue to walk.

We turn the corner and I know that it's only another block till were there. The Cheyenne public library. It's good thing I know I won't see any of my students there, that would be awkward wouldn't it...

It's comforting to know that someday I won't have to worry about being caught in public by my students, someday I won't have to worry about having students period. Because one day everything is going to change, I can feel it. One day- I'm not saying soon, and I'm not saying I'll have all my memories- but it **will** be different. I won't be a teacher, I won't have a cat, and I won't live in Wyoming. It'll be far from perfect, it might even at times be absolutely terrible, but one things for sure Christina will be there and so will Myka. This seemingly innocent trip down the street to the library is only the beginning of a lifetime of strolls on the side-walk, hand in hand. On some days we'll walk in silence, others we wont shut up, it may be raining and well need to use an umbrella, or it could be sunny enough for shorts- the point is they **will** happen, we **will** be together, whether or not this... friendship goes beyond holding hands.

"You ready?" she asks with a smile.

"Of course." I respond and she doesn't know that I'm not talking about entering the library. I'm talking about entering the future we're sure to have together.


	27. Finally

Chapter 27

* * *

As we walk through the doors the smell of books instantly fills the air. To some the fragrance of thousands of old novels resting in neat rows may be revolting. To others it may be no big deal, just another smell. But to me it's something that remained familiar through the loss of my memory's, it's a smell that can kept me grounded for months, a smell that makes me feel at home- wherever home is.

Looking to my right at Myka I can see that this place makes her feel the same way. Her anxious eyes are already beginning to skim the rows even though the only thing she could possible see from here is how thick the books are.

I waste no time in walking to the shelves, making a point to have her next to me when I do. Not that it's a challenge, she strides with me willingly.

As we pass the woman at the check out counter, she greets me by name and I her, because really that's how often I've been in here. It makes Myka smile knowing that and I can't decide if it's because she's glad we share the same interest or because the written word was something Helena loved too.

"Alright- what genre shall we start in?" I ask boldly, yet still in a whispering tone.

And that's when I realize, in shock, that she's not the only one who can minds, because I swear I can hear her say 'Science fiction' without a second thought, but in reality she's hesitating, leaving me confused. After all, this is the first time I've ever really known whats she's thinking. "Action and Adventure." She says finally.

That would be my second choice too.

We pay close attention to each of the novels we pass, discussing, in-depth, each one. It's amazing she's probably read every book there is here and what's even more surprising is so have I. Even books I've never read as Emily Lake I find I remember with absolutely clarity.

"I've never see this one before." Myka says is awe as she pulls a work of art from the shelf. "Have you read this?"

Honestly I can't tell you what the thing is called, or who it is written by. But I can tell you I've never seen Myka's eyes light up the way they are now... I lean against the shelf, not bothering to hide my tone of content "I've never seen anything like it." I say, and all of a sudden I'm having to suppress the urge to yank her towards me fiercely, desperate to crash her lips into mine.

She looks back up at me with that smile, book held tightly in her hands. While my arms tighten the cross they're in even further. I swear if she decides to speak again I'll lose control.

She bites her lip and with some confidence coaxingly takes her hand back into mine. I try to keep my breathing under control, and hope she can't feel the heat radiating off of me as she leads us to the Science-Fiction section.

"So..." Myka begins. It's crazy how quickly the air between us can change so serious. "Are we going to talk about why you keep collapsing?"

I freeze- _Does she really want to talk about that now? of all things- of all times!_

"Well..." I start still a little stunned but keeping my voice strong. "Well I..."

"It has something to do with your memory's right?" She questions further.

"Yes...in a way." I say with a slow nod.

"Emily" she says in concern stepping towards me.

Once again I have to ignore the urge to grab her. "Myka." I shakily try to stop her from coming any closer.

She chooses not to hear my warning though, and places her hand on my shoulder. Even through my jacket her hand leaves a scorching mark on my arm.

"Myka" I warn again.

"Do you just not trust me to know? Is that it?" She asks, completely oblivious to what she's doing to me.

"No I-" I breath in a gasp as her other hand is placed my arm. "Myka I can't-" _Can't control myself when you touch me_ is what I want to say but she hears something entirely different.

"I get it." She removes her hands to crosses her arms protectively. Walls shooting up.

And I do it without thinking, without any concern for the consequences. I firmly wrap my arm around her body, pulling her so close that our entire fronts are completely meshed.

I want to kiss her- I mean I really want to kiss her but thankfully I stop myself. I promised I wouldn't scare her off and forcing her to kiss me (while she's angry at that)... she'd run in a heart beat.

The next move has to be hers.

She swallows eyes going wide "What- What are you-"

I move my gaze across her beautiful face, down her reddened checks, to those perfect lips. Slowly I inch my head closer.

_Watch yourself,_ a warning voice says but really, how could I listen while in this position?

_Alright new plan I'm just going to ask._

"Do you want me to stop?" I ask, a millimeter away from pressing my lips against hers.

She's suddenly shaking her head fiercely and leaning forward, closing the distance between us with a force so strong even I'm not capable of it.

Its soft and sweet, yet passionate and firm. It's Myka's entire self all bundled up in a simple, yet complex action.

But as quick as she came, those lips are gone. And the face they belong to is one of shock.

She can't believe she just did that and frankly neither can I.

Like magnets our eyes lock and hold... A thousand emotions and thoughts passing between us. Uncertainty, anxiety, excitement, adoration, and pure want. We both unconsciously begin to trail our gaze down to each others lips. Then we're moving forward, at an aching speed, but without any hesitation. Closer and closer and closer, before crash.

And it is nothing like the kiss before, it's nothing I could have ever imagined. Because it's her lips moving in rhythm with mine, turning and adjusting every moment, knowing each position will be better than the last. It's give and take, my hands gripping at the roots of her hair, her arms wrapping themselves around my waist. Her sighs mingling with mine and I swear in the background I can hear music. A song playing according to each press, each squeeze. And with each sound is an explosion of light and wonder.

I take a step forward and she takes a step back. I don't know how I knew the end of the shelf was there but I did and now her back is pressed up against it and my arms are planted on either side of her body.

I feel her teeth clamp lightly around my lip. Those teeth I've seen around her bottom lip so many times before...

I move my hands up to cup her face, brushing my thumb against the underside of her jaw. She gasps and I somehow knew she would.

Our movements begin to slow and a few more lingering kisses are exchanged before we both pull back, out of breath and panting.

I rest my forehead against hers, eyes closed.

"I'm never going to be able to think of the library in the same way again." She whispers.

I laugh lightly "I apologize for spoiling it for you."

"Oh it's the opposite of spoiled." She says leaning back to look me in the eye.

I smile. "Oh well in that case you're very welcome."

She tightens her arms around my waist, and leans in again to place a light peck on my lips, then she says "I really care about you Emily, and when I see you collapse it scares me. I just wanted to know whats going on."

When she's looking at me like that, with love and acceptance how can I say no. "I'm remembering." I say.

She nods her head, processing this new information. Surprisingly calm. "What have you remembered?"

"Well..." I grin. "There was one memory where you and I were in your room, and you were reading and I was laying on your bed complaining about having nothing to do. I asked you what you were reading you said it was nothing, which sparked my curiosity. So, I reached for the book in your hand but you pulled away and said ' Helena' with a warning tone. But I didn't listen, and reached for it again. This time you weren't quick enough and fell on top of you. Your body was pressed against mine and your lips were centimeters away" I make a point to shift a little, showing her that were in that exact position now "I remember how much I wanted to kiss you, and how intoxicating your vanilla scent was. But I pulled back and then... I woke up." I finish in awe of how easily she can losses my tongue.

"So when you collapsed while we were in your apartment and you woke up and told me I smelled like vanilla, that's what you remembered?" She asks.

I nod with a small smile.

"And you began to remember while I was hugging you."

I lightly stroke her cheek with my thumb. "It was the first time I was ever wrapped in your arms- strong emotions are what usually triggers them."

I see the uncertainty pass over her face. I know what she thinking. _We just kissed and you didn't collapse, does that mean you didn't like it?..._ She glance down.

"Myka" I tilt her face back towards mine. "I said **usually**, if I don't collapse it doesn't mean I don't feel anything- because I do." I whisper "Nobody's ever made me feel like you do. Even when I was Helena. You are the only one Myka, and kissing you was...glorious."

She blushes and a smile emerges on her face.

"I love it when you blush."

"You've told me that before" she says, biting her lip and when she says before we both know she means **before** before. Before whatever happened to make them send me here.

"I'd have been a fool not to have."

She's silent for a moment before blurting "Does it scare you? Knowing that you're not supposed to be Emily Lake?"

"Perhaps sometimes..." I move my head a little suddenly uncomfortable. "but I'm learning to accept it. And the whole memories thing really helps with coping." I say.

She nods in agreement, slowly slipping her hand into mine. "Why don't you tell me more about those memories... over dinner?"

"Darling that sounds perfect."

I could feel the happiness radiating off of her and I wished with all I had that I could feel that way right now. But I couldn't because I think I just lied to Myka. I told her I wanted to talk about my memories but I can't tell her about Christina- that she's alive- that she's Chrissy! And this time it's not because I'm afraid Myka will run, no I think she's proved more than she should have that I can trust her, no this time it's about my daughter and her safety. I don't want the regents finding out about her and using her again for their own personal gain. Especially if it's by using her to get to me.

It's safer if I don't say anything because if there's one thing I've learned it's the Regents will do anything to get what they want.

* * *

We end up going to that little diner, mainly because it's just down the street from the library. Not to mention it's where we had our first date so I suppose it's a bit special now...

I take a sip of my water and set the glass down "I have a question." I say.

She smiles "Shoot."

"In a dream I had a couple weeks ago I was playing chess against this young girl-" I begin in thought. This had been bugging me for a while now and I knew Myka was just the one to ask.

"And you want to know if I know her?" She asks.

"Exactly."

"Ok, what did she look like?"

I look down at my plate. _This is going to be difficult_ "...I don't exactly know. Her face was hidden"

"Ok... Do you know what she was wearing?"

I shake my head.

"How about your surroundings. Where were you?"

"I don't know."

She gives me a confused look "Let me get this straight. You were playing chess against a young girl, but you don't know what she looked like, what she was wearing or where you were."

"Well it was a dream Myka, and dreams are very unreliable." I tell her defensively."However, I do know that I won the game."

Myka doesn't really here that comment sadly. Or she was just choosing I ignore it... Either way I dont really care because now she's lost in thought. Which means she's biting her lip and twirling her hair, making my insides go crazy and my heart speed up.

"How do you know she was a young girl?" She ask.

"What?" I snap back to reality. "Oh yes her voice!" I exclaim "She said the strangest thing..." I trail off replaying the dream in my head.

She waits patiently for me to say but I suppose I was taking to long. "Well what was it!"

"Oh frack!" I mimic the girl.

"What?" She leans back quickly, looking a little offended "Where did you hear that?"

"No that's what she said. 'Oh frack'" I explain.

And then Myka laughs. A full on, no apologizes laugh. The laugh that introduced me to her and broke through my memory barrier when nothing else could.

"That was Claudia!" She manages. "Oh my goodness she is going to feel so proud when she finds out that **that**, of all things, trampled the Regents mind eraser."

I don't know how she expected me to hear anything she said just not while she looks like that. A wide smile on her face, eyes squinted in happiness...

Without thinking, I lean over, and place my lips on hers. The laughter fades instantly and is replaced with a long sigh. Her hand comes up to cup the side of my face and I feel her urge me closer.

Then suddenly she pulls back. "Emily." She warns, "Not here- if the regents saw us..."

"They won't." I lean over again, _It's official, I'm addicted._

She indulges again, this time for second longer. She gently pushes me away "Emily you're making it very hard for me to do the right thing."

"Alright alright" I back off, with an over dramatic sigh. "But I can still hold your hand right?"

"I'd be disappointed if you didn't."

"Oh thank goodness." I slip my had into hers "You scared me for a minute there darling."

"I'll try not to let it happen again." She assures me playfully.

I smile, pausing to let the mood change "I have another question."

"Hm?" She takes a sip of her drink.

"Please what?" I ask softly. I don't have to explain. She knows what I'm talking about, after all it only happened a few hours ago.

_PLEASE C..._

She looks over at me "You noticed that huh."

I nod.

"Ill tell you, but not right now... later alright?" her tone is gentle.

"Alright." The 'As long as you tell me' is unspoken but she understands.

* * *

"And you promise to drive carefully?" Myka asks sounding very protective "Because my last memory of you driving ended very... nerve wrecking."

"Well thankfully they programmed with **excellent** driving skills." I say, slightly leaning on the car door.

"Always the humble one." She leans with me, her body pressing up against mine. "It's very becoming."

I shrug and wrap my arms around her waist, "I try."

"Oh really?" She says.

"Mmhmm" I nod. "I assure you, you will ever meet a more humble soul."

She rolls here eyes, "Oh be quiet."

Then she pushes me harder against the car, trapping me under her even more. She doesn't hesitate connecting her lips with mine.

I grin at her forwardness and tighten my grip around her mid-section. She moans and threads her hands through my hair.

We mold together perfectly, just like our hands and minds. Working together seamlessly, no unsure moves, nothing happening to fast or to slow.

"My goodness you are amazing." I whisper quickly between kisses.

She doesn't take time to blush, "Nothing compared to you."

"Don't be silly." I firmly press my lips to hers again, "You're perfect."

We probably spend an hour there. In the chilly air, noses red and numb, but us too engrossed in each other to notice. So much emotion in the air it's hard to breath. For once my mind doesn't wander off, it doesn't get distracted with new thoughts or ideas- it's stays right here, with her, where it will always be.

* * *

I stumble through my front door, a ridiculous, goofy grin on my face, yet the need for sleep nagging at my limbs.

I shut the door slowly, making sure to lock it before flicking on the light switch.

_Need. Sleep. _My mind pleads quietly, and my eyes begin to droop. _Im not going to make it to my bed- I'll just sleep on the couch..._

Suddenly a large, gloved hand is wrapped around my mouth from behind, and something solid and metal is shoved into my side so hard I think it broke skin. "Don't bother struggling" a mans rough, malicious voice whispers into my ear "It'll only make this situation harder for you."


	28. Living Nightmares

Chapter 28

Ok, this chapter is kinda sad so just a warning...

* * *

"Don't bother struggling" a mans rough, malicious voice whispers into my ear "It'll only make this situation harder for you."

Pain and fear rush through my veins and my mind screams for me to listen to the man and stay still. My body though doesn't heed the warning.

I don't know where it came from, or why I know how to do it, but my elbow is suddenly hitting in the ribs, hard enough to hear a crack, and he is hunching over with a gasp. I turn swiftly grabbing the gun from his hands and kneeing him in the face. He falls to the floor with smack and possibly unconscious, leaving me wide-eyed, mouth open, gun in my hand.

_How in the world did I do that?!_

I set the weapon down carefully, and once my hands are free I pull my phone out of my purse.

"911, Where is your emergency?" A woman's voice answers.

"110 Atlas Lane Chenneye, Wyoming. Apartment 39." I rattle of without thinking.

"Ma'am whats your name?"

"Emily Lake."

"Emily, can you tell me whats happening?"

"There's- there's." I swallow, searching for my voice. "There's a man in my apartment, he- he had a gun..." I trail off, fear suddenly gripping me again.

"How long has he been there?"

"I just came home and he was here!" I exclaim frantically. After all I don't know when this guy will wake up.

"Emily calm down-"

"I am calm!" I snap.

"Where is the man now?" She keeps her tone even.

"On the floor... unconscious."

"Ok then just stay there and help will be ther- wait unconscious? Did **you** knock him out?" The lady asks her rehearsed demeanor slipping.

I look down, self-consciously skimming the floor with my foot, "Well- yes."

"Are you hurt?"

"No no, I'm fine." I tell her.

"Emily I going to need you to leave your apartment until help arrives." She says her firm attitude coming back.

Now, I should have done that immediately, and her sense of confidence really should have been comforting tome after my traumatic experience, but I don't want to listen to her because frankly this woman is starting to annoy me. And worst of all I don't even know why.

_Why did I even call the police? I could have just called Myka!_

"So you think I should just leave the gun here with him?" I ask, hearing an unfamiliar edge in my voice.

"Ma'am for your safety I need you to leave the apartment." It's not a request, and maybe the whole 'police authority' is supposed to intimidate me but it doesn't.

So I hang up.

When the officers arrive I give my statement and briefly catch a glimpse of the tall dark-haired assailant as he's led out in handcuffs. Seeing him only makes me more tense, I forget that I was ever tired and push any fear I have to the back of my mind.

And then I see Christina running through my door.

She wraps her arms around me squeezing tightly "Mother! Oh my goodness are you alright? What happened?"

"Darling I'm fine, just a silly old robber nothing to be afraid of..." I assure her with a kiss to her head. It's a lie obviously, because a gun was recently held to my back, in my own home at that, there's no way I could be alright.

But this is my daughter, and I am supposed to be an example...

"Don't be absurd!" She exclaims "You could have been hurt or- or worse" her voice cracks and she re-buries her face into my chest.

And I'm not sure if it's her desperate tone, or the face of that man flashing through my head, but my knees are beginning to go weak, and my vision is starting to blur...

* * *

"**Heelllpp**!"

It's the blood wrenching scream of a little girl. A little girl that I love more than anything.

In an instant I'm running, no thoughts just action. But something's wrong. My legs are off, my body's not mine. I'm shorter and the muscle I'm used to is gone. Suddenly a fist is hitting me, catching me in my daze. I fall back with a thump, an intense pain shooting through my jaw, a pain that I know will be worse in an couple of minutes. Whoever punched me is all of a sudden on top of this unfamiliar body I'm in and pinning it down.

"And where do you think you're going?" The man asks, his dialect thick and French- very French.

I try to push him off but like I said, this body is not mine, I don't have the right control of it, not to mention this long dress is preventing me from kicking properly.

"**Heeeelp!" **Another scream comes.

His arm moves to pin me my throat. As he's moving his hand comes closer to my face- I see an opportunity and take it.

I bite him.

He yells in pain, and in reaction takes his other hand to move my teeth out of him. He fails though because I'll I do is bite harder, enough to taste iron, sharp blood.

His body flings to the right, he is still trying to get me to let go and once he's all the way off of me I do. Immediately I take the nearest piece of decoration in this hall and smash it against his head. The mans body falls limp.

"**MUMMY!**" My little girl wails.

I'm running again avoiding any contact with the next man I pass. There are some advantages to be in a shorter body.

I race up the stairs two at a time until I reach the platform.

"**MUMMY! PLEASE!**" I hear from the door at the end of the hall.

"Christina I'm coming!" I yell, but then a new hand is connecting with my face.

This time I don't fall, I just lean against the wall a moment. I'm near to the edge overlooking the first floor. I gain my balance just in time to see him charging at me, completely set on pushing over the rail. My smallness comes in handy once again and I simply duck to the ground. He goes flying over the bar and I hear a thud on the ground below.

The crying and screaming has stopped, but I don't notice that as I sprint down the hall. I come to the only open door to see a man standing in the center of the room, obstructing my view of the small bed in front of him. He turns quickly to me. A long scar cuts across his face, and he's bigger then all the other men before. But that doesn't hinder my response because motherly instinct is stronger than any man. I pick up a conveniently place umbrella next to the door and hit him in the head as hard as I can.

I don't know if he's unconscious or not but as soon as he falls I see the bed and the umbrella drops from my hands...

It feels like someone slowed time as a I move to the side of the little bed where an even smaller figure rests.

Slowly I go to touch my little girl's face. She's covered in blood and cuts, I can barely recognize her. _Please Please Please... _I plead silently as I move my fingers to her neck. I wipe a smear of dark red from the spot I plan to check her pulse at. Her skin is still warm, but she's a deathly pale. My heart sinks all over again when I don't feel the light beating I was praying for. Tears are streaming down my face and I'll I can do is pull her towards me. I feel a scream rip through me but I can't hear anything. Just a dull buzzing in my ears as I clutch my baby girl's lifeless form to my chest. "I'm so sorry- I'm so so very sorry, my Christina." It comes out without filter, the emotion in my voice making it weaker than it deserved to be. I try to use a soft tone as I lightly stroke her hair, not paying attention to the areas of blood matted strands. "I'm so sorry I was too late..."

* * *

I open my eyes and a face I haven't seen in a while is standing over me.

_Jane._

"Hello Emily" she says kindly.

"Where is she?" I ask, trying to be firm but it comes out as a mumble.

"Who?"

The fog clears a little an I sit up. I'm on my couch and the officers are gone. Jane is sitting next to me, a wet rag in her hands.

"Nobody." I shake my head "Just a dream."

"Well you know sometimes dreams can ring with truth. Why don't you tell me about it." She suggest, and there no doubt in my mind that she's a mother.

"Maybe later." I say standing up, not hiding my urgency well, "Right now I would like some tea- Do you want some?"

I don't wait for a response.

The moment the kitchen door closes behind me I double over in a sob. My hands wrapped around myself, and I can't help the tears that are falling, the lack of breath, the pure agony coursing through my entire body. The image won't leave my head...my sweet baby girl covered in blood, dead in my arms...

_No. She's alive...She's alive._

I plant my hands firmly on the counter leaning over it with a deep breath _"Pull yourself together! Jane can't suspect anything."_

And surprisingly it works. I easily mask my emotions.

I carry my cup back into the living room and gracefully sit down across from the regent. Crossing my legs I gently blow on the steaming liquid.

"Would you like to talk about?" Jane asks.

_Thank you Jane for adding one more terrifying experience to the front of my mind._ I try not to shudder at the thought of that mans face. The gun. His voice...

"No." I say.

"Alright." She nods with a small smile.

There's an awkward pause, where she's just staring and I'm simply sipping my tea.

"We've decided it's time for you to move." She says suddenly.

"What!" I drop my cup, spilling the scorching liquid all over me.

"Oh Emily!" She exclaims going straight to the closet to grab a towel.

It's weird that she's knows my apartment so well.

"Don't worry it won't be far, you'll still be able to teach at Lincoln. We just figured you'd want to move after what happened. Not to mention your book shelf is about to break through the wall, you really need more space." She explains trying her best to wipe up my mess.

"Oh" I say, feeling like an absolute idiot. Christina can never know I spilled **tea** all over myself.

"Yes, now why don't you go change and after I can tell you more about the situation." She suggests and I agree readily.

* * *

They'll have a house move-in ready in two weeks. Plus the time Christina will want to de-bug the place makes it two weeks in a half. I'd have to find a place to stay Jane had told me. I thought it was odd, usually they'd **tell** me where to stay but I suppose this is their way of saying "make a friend"

Once Jane leaves, Christina emerges from her hiding place (Where that was I have no idea).

"Well the was rather interesting." My daughter says with a smirk that's just so...her- it only makes me want to cry more.

All that pent-up emotion I had just floods out. Her name falling from my lips in relief. I knew she was alive but I needed it to be confirmed.

In seconds I have her in my arms, squeezing her so tight I'm sure she's having trouble breathing "Oh my darling girl." I kiss her head. "You have no idea how happy I am to see you."

"What did you remember?" She questions softly, not even needing an explanation.

I shake my head "Doesn't matter" I bend down to be eye level with her "As long as you're safe." I kiss her cheeks one at a time, then her forehead before pulling her back to me "As long as your safe..." I repeat in a whisper.

* * *

"So where are you going to stay?" Christina asks, moving her white piece to another spot on the board.

I shrug "I'm not exactly sure yet."

It's three in the morning and were playing chess. I didn't even try to sleep, not with that memory fresh in my mind.

"Well you could always stay with Charles and I..." She says casually but I hear the underlying hesitation.

"Really?" I ask "But I thought you had some... mysterious way of getting to you twos house."

"I do." She nods "But I could just have you close your eyes for that part."

"And what about the regents?"

"I'll handle them."

I can't help the nervous smile on my face "Are you sure that Charles won't mind?"

"Oh he'd be thrilled to see you!" She chuckles.

"And would everything look like it came from the Victorian age?" I ask trying to joke but I really do want to know.

She freezes her hand mid-turn. "What do you mean?"

"Christina darling, you didn't really believe that the important detail of how everything looks in my memories would weasel it's self out, did you?"

"I suppose not." She sighs "And no it doesn't have to look like that if you don't want it to."

"Oh I don't mind." I say moving my piece.

"Are you sure? Because there wouldn't be a microwave..." She says.

I cringe, _of all the things to take_ "If the place was modern that would be great" I revise my opinion.

"That's what I thought."

"Checkmate." I say successfully, and a bit out of no where.

She looks down at the board wide-eyed "You distracted me!"

"Not intentionally I assure you darling."

"That's not fair." She shoots me a glare and leans back in her seat.

But that glare quickly fades when I raise an eyebrow at her "Do you really want to go there, young lady?"

**Knock! Knock!**

I sigh "If that's a regent..."

Christina quickly hides (once again I have no idea where) and I stand to get the door.

"Did you forget someth..." The words die on my lips at the sight of a young red head standing at my door.

Her eyes are wide and her mouth is hanging open "Wha- how- What the frack are you doing here!"

I try not to smile, completely ignoring her tone and focusing solely on her words. "Can I help you?" I ask.

I'm not going to freak her out by calling her by name, I'm not supposed to have any memory's, remember?

"HG what are you doing here! Why aren't you in prison or- or I don't know anywhere but here!" She waves her hands around revealing the strange looking gun on her hip. It's the same weapon Myka carries.

"I'm sorry darling but I have no idea what you're talking about." I sound innocent, after all I'm excellent at lie... avoiding the truth.

"Oh don't you try and weasel yourself out of this- you're the bad guy!" She says, "I should have teslaed you by now!" She pulls out her odd gun and aims it at me.

I freeze, my hands not even going up. The image of that man flashing through my head. My heart speeds up at an alarming rate and it's not like when I'm around Myka. Not with nervous, loving anticipation. No this is fear.

She takes a few steps forward into my apartment. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't shoot you." She says trying to cover a pleading tone.

The words won't come and I stumble backwards, away from the gun. I feel my leg hit the couch so I step to the right a bit as she continues to advance. Soon I'm on the opposite side of the couch using it as measly protection.

"Do you know how bad you hurt her!" She screams. "How much pain and sadness she went through- is still going through?!"

"I- I" we continue circling the couch "Darling please, put it down." I manage my voice weak and trembling.

Her face loses some of its anger and the gun begins to slag. Confusion evident "Whats wrong with you?" She asks, not harshly just in shock.

Apparently you can't be too angry with someone who has no idea what you're talking about.

Suddenly something that sounds like an electric shock comes from my left and Claudia is collapsing in a heap of sparks.

"There." I hear my daughter say but I don't really register whats happened.

I don't say anything. I just stand there staring Claudia.

"Mother?" The sound is faint in my head.

That's mans voice is echoing all around me, the feeling of his gun pressed in my side, his hand holding tightly around my mouth.

"Mother?" It comes again and this time I can't remember whose speaking... Who ever it is they are now hugging me. It don't feel in it though, there's no warmth no tether.

"Mother, please!" It's in a desperate and childish tone, but still all I can think about is him.

The haunting, deep voice, and rough scratchy hands...

"Emily!" A different person yells, and I hear running footsteps.

Two more arms are, suddenly, around my body pulling me close. And in these arms I feel something... It's small at first but it soon grows- silently coaxing me out of wherever I am with warmth and comfort.

"Myka." I don't know if I said it out loud or in my head but either way she is whispering unintelligible words into my ear and the man completely fades from my mind.

"You're safe." She says kissing from my ear to my cheek. "You're safe."

I turn to put my face in her neck, tears beginning to stream, but she kisses them away.

"You're safe." She whispers again and I believe her.

And I'm suddenly overwhelmed with a new scent, this one not vanilla, but still so impossibly Myka. There aren't words to describe it, because there's never been anything like it before. Not before her.

I'm back in reality now, standing in my living room, a young red-head unconscious on my floor. The clock on the wall reading four a.m. _How long was I in that trance?_ My daughter standing at a distance, masking her worries well. She must have stepped back when Myka came in.

"You're safe" Myka whispers again softly.

I try to nod, but my head won't move.

"**We** are safe" she rephrases and I love that she knows exactly what to say. I love that she knows me, that she understands me. And more importantly that I understand her.

"I don't like guns." I say weakly.

"I know." She kisses my cheek.

"And I don't like French people."

She doesn't respond immediately... _She knows I remembered Christiana's death._

Suddenly she presses her lips to mine and it's exactly what I needed. _"I'm sorry" _it says. "_Sorry you had to see that- sorry you didn't have me to be there with you" _

I kiss back desperately _"You're here now"_

She nods and reluctantly pulls back a little. We don't need words just each other. Her eyes say 'We'll talk later' and my light touch to her waist says 'Thank you'

I unwrap an arm from around her body and hold it out. For a moment confusion spreads across her face but then Christina is crashing into me- us- and she understands. Although she still doesn't know how deep my relationship with Christina actually flows. She at least understands my need for contact with the girl, that my connection with her is important too. Then a new feeling washes over me, one I've never felt this strong before...a sense of belonging.


End file.
